As a child I got beat about by just about everyone, parents elder siblings, kids at school, kids from the other village, kids from the towns and cities… basically I was the walking punchbag.
But it only lasted for a few years when after a good thrashing I came back twice as tough, all those whacks gave me tougher jaws, the falls gave me tougher bones and all the mental damage hardened me like beaten steel.
But it ruined my brains as you can probably tell… it destroyed part of the human brain thats supposed to think properly and instead I just became this nasty nutter who acutally got off fighting.
Seriously fighting became like a hobby, it became almost orgasmic… the feeling of beating the hell out of the world that hurt you, then it was suddenly sweet to hear other peoples bones crunching, thier faces turned to mush teeth scattered like marbles… it just gave you such a rush… something so savage and primal… when fights happened clothes and limbs literally got wrecked.
Others used to recoil at the sheer brutality but for a while it was brilliant… then later much later it dawned on me I wasd becoming a monster… it took years to recover to some semblance of decency.
Still I am ashamed sometimes… for years I could smash a person up, and people used to call me every now and then to sort out some problems I was put in a police cell at 14 for beating another kid three years older than me and trying to strangle his life out… I was practically a murder waiting to happen…
Shame on me at the time my elders were scared of what I had become. All except one who looked after me despite everything and showed me that life was not all about smashing things.
Shame was dawning on me when I realised I had never been any use at anything so i put my strength to use in working for good things.
It got me a decent job several times… and today I look back on those days with awe…
I would never wish my children to live like I had done. I swore I would never beat my children… I just pray I never have to test my patience… if I have any that is.