Re: Physical abuse possible?
check PM
I did and replied dear...
Re: Physical abuse possible?
Thats what im concerned about, specially so after I suspect he’s lying to me 
Re: Physical abuse possible?
You’re right Paheli…but whenever I try to stay away from him or avoid him, he wont let me walk away either. We fought once and I said if you’re so fed up of me then why not end it, I’ll do it if you dont want to. In the morning he told me tm khush mat ho itni asani sy jaan nai chutay gi tumhari.
And he’s true about that atleast. He doesn’t let me leave him easily. If I go to the extent of saying that things aren’t working out then he gets all nice and says he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me…why did I have to get in such a situation 
I’ll never trust another man again
Re: Physical abuse possible?
Now that you've explained the situation in more detail, it becomes clear that it really is messed up. I fully agree with what Paheli said. There are so many red flags here that you should be thankful to Allah that you found out before the Nikkah.
Istikhara should be done when you are unsure about something. In this situation I don't think there is anything to be unsure about.
Re: Physical abuse possible?
Given his temper…that’s also a very scary situation! There have been plenty of cases where people snap and commit murder b/c their spouse threatens to leave them. Heck this happned to a family I knew personally! My dad has a very close friend who did this years ago. Pakistani guy married to gora woman…they had 2 boys. They were having marital problems and the woman told him that she was going to move in with her parents with the 2 boys. To make a long story short…the guy got a gun, shot and killed the 2 boys, and the killed himself. The woman found the 3 dead bodies in their house.
Whether or not you’ll trust another man ever again is a matter for the future. It’s a waste of time to worry about that. Right now, you need to deal with this man. As I said already…if you don’t stand up and fight for your own life…don’t expect him or anyone else to do it for you.
Re: Physical abuse possible?
If he hit his mom and sisters, he is more than capable of hitting you. You're not married to him, you have a chance to walk away - don't walk - RUN!
As far as your parents are concerned, they may be unhappy about a broken engagement, but they'd be even unhappier if they knew he was hitting you after you were married, or worse that his abuse led to your death.
Re: Physical abuse possible?
lol. why are you even asking?
Re: Physical abuse possible?
If he hit his mom and sisters, he is more than capable of hitting you. You're not married to him, you have a chance to walk away - don't walk - RUN!
As far as your parents are concerned, they may be unhappy about a broken engagement, but they'd be even unhappier if they knew he was hitting you after you were married, or worse that his abuse led to your death.
QFT ;)
Re: Physical abuse possible?
QFT ;)
What do you mean by QFT??
Re: Physical abuse possible?
He's going to kill me if he finds out I rejected him! :|
Re: Physical abuse possible?
What do you mean by QFT??
It means "Quoted for truth", as in I agree with Sehrysh's post whole heartedly.
Re: Physical abuse possible?
He's going to kill me if he finds out I rejected him! :|
^ For you to say this - means you're afraid of him. Your husband is supposed to be your protector/*muhaafiz - *the one who takes care of you . He's **NOT **supposed to be your tormentor or abuser. RUN, girl, RUN!
Re: Physical abuse possible?
My take on this.
There's too much drama in this guys life. His family has too much control over his life and he's feeling trapped. Now this isn't going to change after marriage. The In-laws already have a problem with you, and it's only going to get worse after marriage. He'll probably blame you for all the arguments at home(there'll be a lot, kosnay, tanay, chikh pukar) and then hit you, cause he won't hit his mom. Yeah he pushed her, but that probably happened because she tried to stop him from hitting his sis. Now she won't stop him when it's your turn, cause you're not her kid.
Re: Physical abuse possible?
I just want to disappear into the ground 
of just go to sleep and never wake up again
Re: Physical abuse possible?
Yes maybe I am afraid of him, I always thought I was just afraid of making him angry or upset...my heart just breaks to think of leaving him, we did have some good time together and I do love him :( I struggled so much just to keep up this relationship
I could give him a chance with hitting his sisters because well, he doesn't have a habit of doing it all the time. But then he's lying and trying to pin the blame of things that dint even happen on my younger sister! I could have easily taken care of that matter by talking to my parents and clearing their misunderstanding...but he lied to me! I just cant get over that. I tried to give him a chance to explain...maybe he wasn't lying and there was a misunderstanding (even though i dont see any) still I asked him. And he avoids me, and I just called him and he says "kuch reh nahi gaya tha kehnay ky liey is liey mene reply nahi kia." and "meri marzi mene nahi kia reply, to? nai kerna mene reply."
Physical abuse possible?
Its not the end of the world dear. You're being given a chance here to save your life; forget about istekhara, take it and run!
What is 8 months compared to a lifetime?
Re: Physical abuse possible?
People are anything but a math problem. You can not derive your conclusions by doing 1+1=2 or if he is hitting sister that means he will (or will not) hit wife.
From what you have posted, it seems like he has anger management issues and depending on your nature, this might be a big or small problem for you in the life to come. If you are not feeling comfortable with this, you need to address this while you have time on your side.
Re: Physical abuse possible?
Yes he’s supposed to be my protector and not tormentor, but he’s been both sort of…and he did help me out a lot, when I was upset in general, advising me supporting me, he even took stand for me against his family…For the last 7 months or so he’s the only one I’ve looked up to for support or discussed my problems with. But at the same time I’ve been afraid because he gets angered at the smallest things. Sometimes he seems to be two persons in one 
Also since Im engaged in family…the two families are going to break alongwith this engagement. I know I tried my best, but still I dont feel good about all this happening. Im going to give it a day or two, and then talk to my parents. Let me see what they think about it, how serious they consider things to be.
Not to mention that he tried endless times to convince me to spend some hours(read sleep) with him secretly…:sid: :o
Re: Physical abuse possible?
Yes DC you're right...I was ready to live with his anger issues, but all the other things combining with it really are making me uncomfortable
Re: Physical abuse possible?
I'm surprised that nobody is suggesting you speak to you parents but I'm glad that you have thought to do this.
You need to be open and honest with them.
No parents will take someone else's side when their child is not comfortable in a situation. Especially if you are completely truthful with them and let them know all that you have shared with us here.
Have that talk with them and let us know how it goes.......