Re: Physical abuse possible?
I talked to my phupho, I was strongly feeling the need to talk to somebody in my family as they would have the same value system and same standards…she agreed he was impatient and aggressive, but she said it isn’t anything incurable in her opinion. She said I’ve been behaving too meekly and I need to take a stand otherwise it will be difficult later on.
She did raise an eyebrow on hitting his sisters/mother but when I told her ami abu know about it and they din’t say anything she was quiet, however she said I should discuss it with them once. And also that I should tell my parents about the fights we were having so that if later on it becomes a big issue they should know we were having some troubles otherwise all the frustration would come out at me.
So I’ve decided to give it one more go. Everybody deserves a second chance, and like DC said, humans aren’t maths equations we can’t judge them just like that. Yes I agree hitting one’s sisters or mother is not acceptable, but as I said its not a habit, its not like he does it every week or every day, he did it once in a lifetime. And I can think of a plenty of things that I do with my family and my parents that I would never do with him and he could judge me the same way too. Secondly, it is possible that my in-laws were exaggerating in the first place.
And you forget, he’s my cousin. If I was engaged to somebody from outside whom I din’t know, I would’ve probably run without even giving a second thought. Another thing which kept bothering me was the fact that I had done istkhara when my mom fixed the rishta, we weren’t engaged until about three months after that. So I had that time to force them out of it even though they did so without asking me. But I was totally satisfied after istkhara.
I’ve decided to talk to him face-to-face about this issue specifically, either his response and reaction will satisfy me, or it will create more doubts.
I still have an year before the wedding, and I’m keeping my eyes more open now. Also I wasn’t talking about the lovey-dovey thing, I know life cannot be spent alone on love. But what I meant was he’s been caring and respectful to me.
I haven’t spoken to my parents about it yet, but I will inshAllah talk to them too in some time.
Meanwhile, Im trying to change my behavior a bit too, as my phupho suggests. And I think she’s right, I’ve been too much of a “Allah miyan’s gaey”, I need to be stronger, there’s a limit to compromise and we’re not even married yet.
So let’s hope, things will improve InshAllah!
Inspite of what everybody here said, deep inside my heart I did not want to leave him. On the outside I was boiling with anger, I was even thinking of leaving him I was hating him…but deep inside I could not think of leaving him, as opposed to what a lot of people were saying here. So everything was confusing me.
As for the jahez issue. that’s sort of complicated too. That’s my parent’s concern, I told them already and its upto them to deal with it. They can decide if they want to end it.
I was not making excuses, I was confused. I could not decide what to do.
Paheli00: Maybe I’m just weird, but that story din’t scare me out of my wits. lol 
To all my friends, your support and advice means a lot to me, I cannot thank you all enough for supporting me. I know that if at any time I will decide to quit from this relationship, I will not be alone 
Thank you so much <3