Wondering what the “norm” is for shaadi photography payment. Who pays?
I was under the impression that larki walay paid for mehndi shaadi photography/video but my photographer said that that’s not the case and I should split it…my parents agreed. So we’re doing that.
We don’t have the same photographer for the walima because it’s going to be out of state and boy’s side is getting someone…is that split with us too? In Pakistan (back in the old days when parents got married), apparently, the boy’s side paid for walima photography on their own…my in laws are under the impression we split all of it.
For the record (just fyi, don’t know if this matters), our side is paying for the mehndi and shaadi solely. Their side for the walima.
Hey - typically in my family, if the bride does her mehndi separately, her family pays for the mehndi (bc it's hers), and the baraat. His family will pay for the walima.
However, if the mehndi is together, the families split it, bride pays for baraat, and groom's side pays for walima... I think it'll even out if you split all 3 events. Good luck!!!
Hey - typically in my family, if the bride does her mehndi separately, her family pays for the mehndi (bc it's hers), and the baraat. His family will pay for the walima.
However, if the mehndi is together, the families split it, bride pays for baraat, and groom's side pays for walima... I think it'll even out if you split all 3 events. Good luck!!!
For us, the mehndi is usually from the girl's side. And plus, his side is from out of state so my parents didnt think it was fair to have them pay.
The main issue is photography. They want to split ALL of it (including walima one) and my side is under the impression its just the mehndi/baraat photographer that's split but walima is all the guy's side. It's not a big deal, I know, but those of you that have read a previous thread on my walima dress $$ misunderstanding may get that I'm trying to avoid something like that happening again. I think that experience left a weird taste in my mother's mouth so I have to broach the $$ subject carefully with her.
For us, the mehndi is usually from the girl's side. And plus, his side is from out of state so my parents didnt think it was fair to have them pay.
The main issue is photography. They want to split ALL of it (including walima one) and my side is under the impression its just the mehndi/baraat photographer that's split but walima is all the guy's side. It's not a big deal, I know, but those of you that have read a previous thread on my walima dress $$ misunderstanding may get that I'm trying to avoid something like that happening again. I think that experience left a weird taste in my mother's mouth so I have to broach the $$ subject carefully with her.
LOL on the mehndi - SAME THING ON OUR END!! We're going to pay for it all.... I need to look at your thread on the walima dress! The last thing you want is misunderstanding about $$ before wedding.. What is your fiance saying?
LOL on the mehndi - SAME THING ON OUR END!! We're going to pay for it all.... I need to look at your thread on the walima dress! The last thing you want is misunderstanding about $$ before wedding.. What is your fiance saying?
Fiance is fairly rational about money and I know that my inlaws aren't malicious or crazy stingy but because of that misunderstanding about what my MIL considers 'acceptable' for a walima outfit, my parents are kinda turned off to the whole thing and just do their own thing without talking $$ with my in laws. But the photography thing is complicating it because that needs to be split. My mom said that for her, the barat/mehndi photography was done by the girl's side but the walima one was by the guy's side. That would make sense in PAKISTAN when everything was split so that the girl's side handled ALL the barat and mehndi expenses ; guys handled all the walima ones.
Since the wedding/mehndi photographer is split for us, I figured that the walima one would be the same but my mom disagreed. Part of me thinks she's kinda creating a fuss because she's still kind of embarassed/upset about the jora situation. So wanted to see if I was crazy or what the heck was going on.
So why don't you do all of Barat shoot expenses and they do walima? Try to avoid any disagreements over money. It really Sours the honeymoon period
The wedding photographer is significantly more expensive for the mehndi/barat because it's 2 functions and his family wanted to split the cost of that. I'm pretty sure walima one should be split too (it makes sense...if we had the same guy for all 3 events, we would've split it down the middle) but I got confused by what my mom said.
More than the money, the weird tension that's now arisen between my parents and inlaws is stressing me out. I don't want them to get the feeling that we're nickel and diming them and vice versa.
The wedding photographer is significantly more expensive for the mehndi/barat because it's 2 functions and his family wanted to split the cost of that. I'm pretty sure walima one should be split too (it makes sense...if we had the same guy for all 3 events, we would've split it down the middle) but I got confused by what my mom said.
More than the money, the weird tension that's now arisen between my parents and inlaws is stressing me out. I don't want them to get the feeling that we're nickel and diming them and vice versa.
I get it. The pre wedding time is usually fraught with these issues. I think you should split the walima one too if you can afford it.
I get it. The pre wedding time is usually fraught with these issues. I think you should split the walima one too if you can afford it.
agreed, there are two things 1) if you are splitting the cost split for all three days. 2) if you say guy will pay for valima solely then you pay for mehndi n barat solely. and avoid this confusion n bad taste. because typically mehndi n barat are on girl's side.
my in laws came from Canada we equally divided the cost of photographer for each day.
The main issue is photography. They want to split ALL of it (including walima one) and my side is under the impression its just the mehndi/baraat photographer that's split but walima is all the guy's side. It's not a big deal, I know, but those of you that have read a previous thread on my walima dress $$ misunderstanding may get that I'm trying to avoid something like that happening again. I think that experience left a weird taste in my mother's mouth so I have to broach the $$ subject carefully with her.
Don't worry about what the "norm" is with other families. Worry about YOUR in-laws and doing what you/your family have control over to make this wedding as painless as possible. I know this is a love marriage for you so its not like you're going to cancel the wedding over stupid stuff like this.
If your fiancé's mom wants to split ALL of the wedding photography...then have your mother say "ok" and move on. This is not something to get worked over. This should not even require a discussion. Make sure your mother sends over the signed contract for the mehndi/baraat photographer which has the total cost. This way fiancé's parents are fully aware of the cost and what their share (50%) would be.
Split it equally amingstvthe 3 events (that's what we did) this way the albums will be the.couples property instead of saying yeh uska album and yes iska album and all besides its only fair
The problem is getting my mother to say “okay”. She’ll say it but then I’ll have to deal with the passive comments about how my in-laws are cheap or etc etc. I’m just trying to avoid that drama because with school and med school boards, I don’t want to be trying to mediate like I had to with the walima outfit fiasco.
I sent the invoice the photographer originally sent me but then my parents sent me another copy and the amount requested for the deposit was different on each (my parents aren’t being shady, the photographer adjusted the amounts because we bargained the price down). Price #1](http://www.paklinks.com/gs/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=1) deposit was lower and fiance showed that one to his parents (by mistake). To make things better he said that it’s not a big deal and he’ll just have his parents pay for the whole walima photographer to make up for the difference in deposits. This wouldn’t be an issue except according to my mother, the walima photographer isn’t our responsibility to begin with.
The thing that’s frustrating is that I know my parents aren’t well off financially and I know they’re not cheap either but because there’s already been this previous issue over money in the past, every small creates more conflict.
It doesn't make sense to have the guy's side split the photography for the mehndi/baraat and then not to split the cost of the valima photographer.
Either the girl's side pays for the mehndi/baraat photographer on their own, and the same with the guy's side paying for the valima photographer on their own - or all events are split between all parties.
It doesn't come across as equitable to only split when its beneficial for one side....
The problem is getting my mother to say "okay". She'll say it but then I'll have to deal with the passive comments about how my in-laws are cheap or etc etc. I'm just trying to avoid that drama because with school and med school boards, I don't want to be trying to mediate like I had to with the walima outfit fiasco.
In life, SOMEONE will always be miserable. There will never be a wedding or any other family event where every-single-person is happy. All you need to do to keep the drama to a minimum is to get her to say "yes" to whatever stupid things the in-laws want for the wedding. As long as the in-laws are not being disrespectful or expecting things that your parents simply cannot provide....just let it go. If your mother bashes your in-laws to you......let her talk. Ever heard the phrase "in one ear and out the other"? Practice it. No reason for you to "mediate". Get your mother to say yes to these stupid things and allow her to vent. When she's venting/bashing your in-laws, simply stay silent or nod your head.
In case my earlier post came across as harsh, I'll try to soften it a bit...here is the rule of thumb for splitting wedding expenses...
If one side is hosting an event, then they are SOLELY responsible for all of the events and the expenses associated with it. If they get to pick the venue, photographer, decor, schedule, etc. then they should be responsible for all events since they chose it (whether they chose an inexpensive or expensive option). Historically, the girl's side paid for the mehndi, nikkah, baraat - the groom's side did not fund any of these expenses. Back in the olden days (and not that I agree with it), the bride's side even paid to house the groom's family and relatives for the duration of their visit to the the bride's city.
Thank goodness times have changed!
Now that a lot of couples are hosting joint receptions (either each side sends out their own wedding invitation inviting guests to the jointly hosted wedding reception, or both families are noted as the hosts in a single card and both greet the guests), the costs are being split by both families. Usually, it's split down the middle.....but, if one side has a disproportionate share of the guests, then they should pay the larger amount. For example, if it is a 500 person guest list and only 100 guests are from the groom or bride's side, then the person with the smaller guest list, pays the a smaller portion of the expenses. You can aggregate all of the expenses and do a per head count for all of the expenses and pay a proportionate share or do that for reception/venue and split other expenses (photography/clothes) 50-50. Again, the caveat is who is hosting the event.
If it is not a joint reception and the bride's side is hosting, then they can limit the number of guests from the groom's side (cap it at 50 to 75 or some other number) and pay for the entire event. It's inappropriate for the groom's family to demand that they bring 150 guests to the wedding, if they are not paying for the event.
Oh, and I speak from the experience of 3 sisters getting married with both variations of the wedding (individual versus joint events) and how costs were split.
If they are splitting the mehdi/shaadi photography costs with you when they are solely your functions, it's only fair for you to share the valima cost.
your mom is being a bit harsh, maybe her judgement is clouded with the aftertaste of your previous episode. Try to reason with her logically but delicately. Give her examples of people on this thread who have shared their experience with you, let her know you are not asking for anything out of the ordinary.