Hi all,
i have been married for few months now and something is bothering me concerning my personal expenses. I was working before and was laid off around the time i was getting married. Now my question is how does all of you deal with this awkward topic especially in the west?
I was used to spending my own money and me and my hubby has a joint account and all the house expenses go from that account. Now i do my personal ‘kharcha’ from that account (if i ever do so) because hubby keeps an eye on the account at all times and asks me about it randomly. I also have a separate checking account from college days which doesn’t have much in it and hubby knows about but doesn’t question me about it.
Another thing is, he promised to give me certain amount of money every month (which was more than enough) which would be only for me but he said he’s too lazy to go to the bank and withdraw it so I should do it myself. If he really wanted to do it he could’ve done it for me. I feel very shy to do that so it never happened. But it bothers me every time i wanna do something for myself or buy something because i am taught to have my own money saved separately. How true is that in the west? Please advice me on how to approach this issue with him and how to deal with the expenses?.
Cant he set up a standing order each month from his account into yours? So atleast he doesnt have to keep withdrawing money. When i got married i didnt find a job in time in the city i was moving to. My hubby gave me money each month and bought me stuff whenever needed. Since ive started working he still gives me a set amount each month which is my 'pocket money' lol and we run the house with his income, and we each set aside money each month. Money he gives me im free to do what i likr with it i just save it
Just speak to ur hubby! There is no reason why he cant set up a transfer from his account
1: set up a monthly recurring auto transfer from your main account to your personal one in the amount that you and your husband agreed upon. This doesnt even require a trip to the bank.all doable online from your pc.
2: withdraw the specified amount yourself every month in cash.
no right or wrong way to do this per say. all depends on your comfort level with your husband and choosing what works for you.
personally, my husband and I have a joint account and spend from it as we wish ... there is no your account/my account. its all ours. we both work.
He told me he would open a separate account for me in the same bank but never did it. I like what you and your hubby do :)
Cant he set up a standing order each month from his account into yours? So atleast he doesnt have to keep withdrawing money. When i got married i didnt find a job in time in the city i was moving to. My hubby gave me money each month and bought me stuff whenever needed. Since ive started working he still gives me a set amount each month which is my 'pocket money' lol and we run the house with his income, and we each set aside money each month. Money he gives me im free to do what i likr with it i just save it
Just speak to ur hubby! There is no reason why he cant set up a transfer from his account
Or just take it like hes said. Theres no reason to feel awkward
I don't want him to think I'm taking his money somewhere and always wondering what I'm doing with it. I want him to be comfortable giving it to me himself. Maybe I'm being too demanding?
1: set up a monthly recurring auto transfer from your main account to your personal one in the amount that you and your husband agreed upon. This doesnt even require a trip to the bank.all doable online from your pc.
2: withdraw the specified amount yourself every month in cash.
no right or wrong way to do this per say. all depends on your comfort level with your husband and choosing what works for you.
personally, my husband and I have a joint account and spend from it as we wish ... there is no your account/my account. its all ours. we both work.
Thank you for your suggestions. They are very helpful. I hate to ask him to do it so I just don't bother.
this looks more like a communication issue than anything else.
Put yourself in his position: let's say you make food for the whole household and he asks you if he can eat it; you'd say "yeah sure go ahead" but he starves instead, because he's expecting YOU to serve it to him and make a big deal about it.....that wouldn't be so great would it?
He is keeping an eye on the account, only to balance the budget, not to pose any restriction on you. When he said that go ahead and take your monthly allowance out, then do it. Instead of spending from his account, take your allowance out every 1st of the month and then spend on yourself from it
i say whether or not u need it, take out the set amount every month as he told you to do. and then do with it what u will. put it in a different checking account from college days if u dont spend all of it at times. but take it out monthly. if asked u only need to answer once, "I took out the amount u told me to monthly" he is just checking to balance budget and sometimes perhaps to ensure u dont need somethng else or whatever.
When we make our monthly budget, we add my personal kharcha to that budget. We have this understanding that I will use our card. If you have a joint account, then both you and your husband should make collaborative decision on how to balance that account, what is your saving method, and what is your method to make personal and other purchase (cash, credit card, debit card, etc). Set a system and then both you and your husband should respect that system.
To each his own BUT I don't understand the concept of my kharcha. Unless,
1- Woman is so spend thrifty that she has to be restrained by allocating a specific amount.
2- She wants to spend money without having to disclose to anyone else.
3- Husband is penny pincher, who will not let her buy things she wants.
^ The thing about having the money set aside is that whether u spend it or not, u have access to it at all times incase u need to spend it. For example I'm not going to go on a personal shopping spree of $500 each month. But I might suddenly fall in love with a $2000 ring and want to buy it because I have that money to spend as I please, or even save as I please.
So op don't set precedence of no pocket money policy when he has already "approved" it. Just set up a monthly direct deposit to ur account from his online account. So no one will have to balance anything and no one will have to "awkwardly" ask for the atm card to withdraw pocket money now that it's the first of the month.
My husband for some reason was not so for the pocket money deal, I have no idea why, because he was willing to give me whatever amount I wanted otherwise (to have at hand) and also to directly just pay for the stuff when we went shopping. I still wanted the pocket money though, and had the direct deposit thingies set up. He still didn't see the point in it, since he was not expecting me to pay for anything (even personal shopping) with my pocket money. It was just sort of a savings account for me. But whatever, I still like it this way. When I go home to visit my parents and can actually drive myself, I find it easier since I have my own money set aside and don't have to ask him for money when I'm not traveling with him.
^Not judging you, but I think a wife should have access to mutual funds all the time anyway, so she can buy 2000$ ring if she falls in love with it. And if still there is a need to set aside my money, there is some trust issue or insecurity.
Typical female….making life more complicated than it needs to be. You share a bed with this man and I assuming you plan on getting pregnant, and raising children with him….but you feel SHY to withdraw money from a joint checking account?! You need to approach this issue by getting over this ridiculous “shyness” and acting like a mature, adult who is capable of treating this marriage like a partnership. There is a reason he added your name to the bank account & trusts you to withdraw money from it.
You need to approach this issue by getting over this ridiculous “shyness” and acting like a mature, adult who is capable of treating this marriage like a partnership. There is a reason he added your name to the bank account & trusts you to withdraw money from it.