Personal expenses and new hubby

[kakaballi]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

^ The issue is not withdrawal of the money but the nosy husband randomly asking about where she spent it.

[Paheli00]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

^ No, OP specifically states she feels “shy” to withdraw money from the JOINT account. As for husband asking RANDOMLY about her spending…..its equally ridiculous to get upset/feel awkward about this too. Randomly means he’s doing it to simply keep an eye on the expenses OR maybe even to double check a suspicious charge (if there is a card associated with the account) or withdrawl (if amount higher than normal). My husband & I have a joint account and there are times he will ask me about a charge that seems off to him. It’s not a big deal.

If the husband didn’t trust his wife…he would not have added her to the bank account & given her the power to take money out of it whenever she wants to.

[imxtraordinary]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

Exactly. I am going to be honest here, when I was working I was spending a lot of money on myself. Now I have restricted myself ALOT. Sometimes I don’t even buy the stuff I really like because of what my hubby would think of it. Every time I have something new, the first thing he’s asks me “When did you buy this?” We both are young and got married after a lot of chaos so we should be saving money but alhamdulillah we are well off so I don’t see why I should be questioned about every purchase I make.

@Sasha21

^ The thing about having the money set aside is that whether u spend it or not, u have access to it at all times incase u need to spend it. For example I’m not going to go on a personal shopping spree of $500 each month. But I might suddenly fall in love with a $2000 ring and want to buy it because I have that money to spend as I please, or even save as I please.

So op don’t set precedence of no pocket money policy when he has already “approved” it. Just set up a monthly direct deposit to ur account from his online account. So no one will have to balance anything and no one will have to “awkwardly” ask for the atm card to withdraw pocket money now that it’s the first of the month.

My husband for some reason was not so for the pocket money deal, I have no idea why, because he was willing to give me whatever amount I wanted otherwise (to have at hand) and also to directly just pay for the stuff when we went shopping. I still wanted the pocket money though, and had the direct deposit thingies set up. He still didn’t see the point in it, since he was not expecting me to pay for anything (even personal shopping) with my pocket money. It was just sort of a savings account for me. But whatever, I still like it this way. When I go home to visit my parents and can actually drive myself, I find it easier since I have my own money set aside and don’t have to ask him for money when I’m not traveling with him.

[imxtraordinary]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

Just wondering, if you don’t end up spending the money that is your personal khrcha than it just stays in the account right? And one day if you like something that costs a lot of money you still have to restrain yourself because you’re staying under budget but what about the money you didn’t spend all these months?

@Lusi

When we make our monthly budget, we add my personal kharcha to that budget. We have this understanding that I will use our card. If you have a joint account, then both you and your husband should make collaborative decision on how to balance that account, what is your saving method, and what is your method to make personal and other purchase (cash, credit card, debit card, etc). Set a system and then both you and your husband should respect that system.

[imxtraordinary]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

I don’t mind disclosing it to him as long as it’s not about every single purchase I make.

@Iconoclast

To each his own BUT I don’t understand the concept of my kharcha. Unless,

1- Woman is so spend thrifty that she has to be restrained by allocating a specific amount.
2-** She wants to spend money without having to disclose to anyone else.**
3- Husband is penny pincher, who will not let her buy things she wants.

[imxtraordinary]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

He said everything has to go from the debit card so we can keep track of how much we’ re spending on everything. We don’t have any credit cards.

@Lusi

When we make our monthly budget, we add my personal kharcha to that budget. We have this understanding that I will use our card. If you have a joint account, then both you and your husband should make collaborative decision on how to balance that account, what is your saving method, and what is your method to make personal and other purchase (cash, credit card, debit card, etc). Set a system and then both you and your husband should respect that system.

[Aaze]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

^Some guys just want to know where the money is going, this doesn’t mean he’s “after” you or something and you two are in this for a long run, so the quicker you get over your shyness about all these money matters, the better it is for both of you. Don’t look for a problem where there isn’t. You’re his wife. His responsibility. And clearly from your post, it seems he’s taking it seriously, so withdraw the money or just use the card as you wishes, he will be able to see where you spend his hard earned cash

[imxtraordinary]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

Is this this how you normally communicate or did I hit a nerve or something?

@Paheli00

Typical female….making life more complicated than it needs to be. You share a bed with this man and I assuming you plan on getting pregnant, and raising children with him….but you feel SHY to withdraw money from a joint checking account?! You need to approach this issue by getting over this ridiculous “shyness” and acting like a mature, adult who is capable of treating this marriage like a partnership. There is a reason he added your name to the bank account & trusts you to withdraw money from it.

[imxtraordinary]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

Thanks for for your suggestions. I really appreciate it.

@BellaShabba

Or just take it like hes said. Theres no reason to feel awkward

@ekumunng

He can setup funds transfer for 1st of each month from his account to yours. All can be done online.

[Muzna]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

@imxtraordinary

Exactly. I am going to be honest here, when I was working I was spending a lot of money on myself. Now I have restricted myself ALOT. Sometimes I don’t even buy the stuff I really like because of what my hubby would think of it. Every time I have something new, the first thing he’s asks me “When did you buy this?” We both are young and got married after a lot of chaos so we should be saving money but alhamdulillah we are well off so I don’t see why I should be questioned about every purchase I make.

It seems from this response that he’s concerned you might spend money on frivolous items when you guys might be in a position where you should be saving…

Is that true?

[Demilitarize]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

Young couples really do need to save in this economy…

[Iconoclast]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

@imxtraordinary

I don’t mind disclosing it to him as long as it’s not about every single purchase I make.

You have a trust deficit.

[SaadiaB]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

@imxtraordinary

I don’t mind disclosing it to him as long as it’s not about every single purchase I make.

then you need to tell him this, communication is the key!!

[Lusi]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

@imxtraordinary

Just wondering, if you don’t end up spending the money that is your personal khrcha than it just stays in the account right? And one day if you like something that costs a lot of money you still have to restrain yourself because you’re staying under budget but what about the money you didn’t spend all these months?

If I have to buy something big that requires lot of money, I will consult my husband. We don’t make any big purchases without consulting each other. Right now I am getting my hair done which will cost me some money but then I don’t get expensive hair treatments every month, it is once or twice a year and he doesn’t have any issues with it. I am not a shopoholic, I don’t buy clothes, shoes, bags, make up etc every month. I use good products but again they do last few months before I need to replace them.
When we make our home budget, we include personal care, entertainment, misc expenses to it. We save together, we use our savings on big ticket items, be it for me, my husband, kids, home, etc.

[S02]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

If he’s fine with you withdrawing it into a separate account, and if that’s what you prefer, just do it. Don’t question and second guess everything without reason. You will create issues out of nothing.

[S02]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

@kakaballi

^ The issue is not withdrawal of the money but the nosy husband randomly asking about where she spent it.

It’s not “nosy” for a husband to know where the household money goes, just as it’s not nosy for the wife to know. It’s about being responsible.

[Paheli00]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

@imxtraordinary

Is this this how you normally communicate or did I hit a nerve or something?

LOL…no, my nerve didn’t get hit nearly as close to yours when your husband asks you about your spending. I’m not insecure. As I already wrote earlier, my husband asks me about my spending too…whether its a charge on our joint CC account or if he sees me with a new item which I purchased with my own money since I have a job. It doesn’t bother me. On the flip side, I also don’t hesitate questioning my husband if I see a odd charge on the account & my husband doesn’t make large purchases (usually more than $100) without discussing it with me. Keep in mind that both of us have well-paid professional careers & we can easily afford to spend way more than what we choose to spend. And yes, normally I don’t sugar-coat things and tend to be brutally honest.

@imxtraordinary

We both are young and got married after a lot of chaos so we should be saving money but alhamdulillah we are well off so I don’t see why I should be questioned about every purchase I make.

1. In your very 1st post you wrote he asks about your purchases randomly…and now you write he inquires about “every purchase” you make. So which one is it?

2. Just b/c you’re well off right now so what? Right now there is only 1 paycheck coming in since you’re not working. You husband could have an accident tomorrow and end up disabled. You could get pregnant and not be able to work due to health issues. Assuming you want to have children in the next few years…raising kids isn’t cheap. Life happens. Its GREAT that your husband watches what he and you spend even though you guys are “well off”. You haven’t stated anything that shows that he’s being controlling or a jerk.

3. So what do your purchase that he’s asking about? Is he asking you about every $5, $10, $10 you spend? Or is he asking you about stuff that costs $200 or more? Since getting married…you wrote you have cut back on your spending. What does that mean? Approximately how much money did you personally spend last month?

[S02]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

I’m wondering if the reason this topic is “awkward” is that you’re worried about very personal expenditures, like trips to the salon for grooming and such? A lot of new brides aren’t comfortable revealing the efforts they make to look nice. Is that the issue?

[Muzna]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

valid questions above…
some answers would help to identify the root cause(s).

[rabia3983]

Re: Personal expenses and new hubby

OP i think this questioning thing is something you will have to get use to. When i got married i had the same issue, it took me time and now i am totally use to it. I am married to an accoutant who keeps a book for every penny spent. He did this with his own money as well…so when our money combined, he did the same thing. But i have a set amount in the debit card that i get for my own personal spending. If i don’t use it, it gets rolled over to the next month.