I seen some people who live on welfare and they get married and they are making babies. I don’t know about them, but like personaly i wouldnt want to have a kid till i get financialy stable. Once i would get married, me and my wife would work 2-3 years max and save up money, get a house, maybe start of a business, and then think about having kids.
Do you have to be financialy stable to have kids to provide them with good education and healthy meals? When would be a perfect time for a newly wed couple to actualy plan on having kids?
ppl who live on welfare have more children because they get child benefits :p .. besides the poorer u are, more kids u tend to have.
i wud prefer to be financially stable first and then have kids or adopt them. but then again.. who knows what life has instored for us :-)
totaly agree guys . financial security first and then kids. Why, coz i want to give my kids best future. of course everythign is in Allah 's hand but there are some thing that we have to decide as well.
But sometime/ in somecases newly weds have alot of family pressure as well to prove that they are capable of producing kids.
well that was my 2 cents
Funny! i swear that was the exact topic were discussin at home the other day ... i dunno how people can even think about havin kids when they r not stable enuff... i mean dont they realize how else they can raise kids comfortably with that kind of life... khayr.. but then they hav this eternal argument that 'Allah har bachay ka rizk saath deta hay' ... i just dont hav a 'sensible' answer for this... anyway...apart from that there r various reason the couple go for kids before havin a financial stability.. like age factor... it is assumed that older the woman is, risks for havin an abnormal kid is higher .. i dont kno how much truth is in it.. but then... i kno its possible... i think m gettin off tengent here .. so back to the question
if its upto me ... i would prefer financial stability first.. i guess its all parent's dream to provide the best life they can to their kids.
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*Originally posted by suroor_ca02: *
.. besides the poorer u are, more kids u tend to have.
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That is so true.. i noticed the poor seem to have more kids then the rich ones.
More kids, more hands to get jobs, but also means more food and other requirements. They dont see both sides, that is the beauty of education. Best time for kids? When you and your partner feel ready. Money comes and goes. You might have kids, then you get laid off what then? You have money saved up but honestly you incorporate a steady job to help with the savings. Dont let material wealth hinder your wishes.
Re: Perfect time to make babies?
It all depends! :)
I think it's good to have baby when ur stable.
But i hear if you as a women wait to long with
having baby's then it is very difficult to get pregnant.
Nilu.
Re: Perfect time to make babies?
i do agree that 1 shud have a kid , when he/she thinks they can provide him all the facilities of life i-e from food and shelter to the minutest things...
but at times u dont plan to have a baby , but u realize dat u/ur wife is pregnant. then i think its better to have a baby rather than an abortion...
i wud love to have alot of babies, i just hope my financial staus also me to!
well apart form finacial reason, no body seem to point out...
even one is stable and can afford a kid, when is the best time to have/try for it?
after 1 year of marriage?
for me i think parents need some time without kids initially minimum 2 years before they have kids. just being themselves in life.
That time will never come back one they have kids ;)
but it all depends, life cant be planned. if you get this blessing early. dont go for abortion!
Èver heared about "jo ata he apna rizk le kar ata he"
And there is never a perfect time, You cannot plan everything some things you have to leave on destiny.
Well personally my husband and I got pregnant a year and a half after marriage. We were not financially stable, but living comfortably on our humble salaries. Having a baby was a blessing, not a financial burden. We were lucky to have family that helped us out. I think a newly married couple does need a time of getting to know each other and enjoying their early life. But a child is a blessing that brings you closer as a family. I can understand that some families in Pakistan are dirt poor and have no access to birth control are having a baby every year. Now that can be a burden in its own way, but they know that when they get old their kids will look after them too.
Well obviously you need to be able to provide for the kids ..they're so many expenses involved. And yes the couple ..both people should be ready emotionally and mentally.
Forget about what the in-laws have to say.
One more thing no one has really mentioned is kids are a lot of responsibilty. I think until you've done a whole lotta babysitting or something and really know what you're getting into you should not be a in a hurry.
Also should probabily discuss how you intend to raise the child and both of your ideas on parenting.
Once they're here you can't get rid of them! lol They will totally take over your life!
The couple should be financially and mentally stable before having children. There is no question about it!
My ideal is to enjoy a year or a bit more with my husband alone, travelling, attending shows/going dancing, etc. and basically enjoying each other’s company, and then starting a family in our newly-purchased, newly-furnished house (not apartment). I want my hubby and I to insh’allah provide our 2 children (yes I want 2 ideally…a boy and a girl) with everything children can possibly want and need, and then some. I want the best and the finest of everything for them right on up until the day I die. I would love to give my children BMWs at their high school graduations (if they make the 4.0 GPA mark which they will if they’re my kids), etc. I can happily go on and on.
My husband and I are already taking about saving money for our kid's (insh) college fund AND we aren't planning to start getting pregnant till late next year...
I think financial stabiltiy is important BECAUSE I want my kids to have access to many many things such as extra curricular activities, piano, dance, art and sports lessons as well as any extra private schooling we can give.
However that has to do with my perception of what i want for my kids and my own life style..
welfare families often are satisfied with lower income situations and or don't know anything else so they think it's fine..and i guess it is. It just makes it much harder for the child to succeed.
"welfare families often are satisfied with lower income situations and or don't know anything else so they think it's fine..and i guess it is. It just makes it much harder for the child to succeed.
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Well I didn't grow up in a family that went on trips to Europe. But I grew up in a very loving environment. We didn't place so much importance on material issues, such as wearing designer clothes. My mother sewed her own shalwar kameez and we all made sacrifices. But that, in no way, made it harder for us children to succeed. I think a child has an inner drive for success even if they don't take piano classes and riding lessons. I know that my parents wished to give more to us. So I don't think lower income families are 'satisfied' in their situation. But you make the best of what you have.
My husband and I live in a studio (no bedrooms) apartment with our daughter in Manhattan, NYC. We have all adjusted to the living situation. Ofcourse I would love more space for my daughter. But she has her mom and dad's love and that's all she cares about. I think many women have the fantasy ideal of the perfect motherhood. And there is too much pressure for parents to have all the right baby gear, the best stroller, the best crib, the baby Dior layette. But when it all comes down to it, your baby needs you. All your attention, love, guidance and patience. They also need your prayers for Allah to guide them and make them good people.
Saima I agree with you.
I too refrained from getting pregnant for three years for financial reasons.
Then I did get pregnant and wasn't exactly thrilled.
But you know what .... the baby did so much to better my life w/o even being born. But maybe God didnt like how I initally reacted and I had a miscarriage.
Lesson learned: Its not our desicion when to have a child, it's Allah who blesses us. All this I wanna wait will bite you in the ARS.... love is what counts in life, the purest form of which is the love of parents and children. besides.. joh aatha hai apna rizq ley kar atha hai.
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*Originally posted by ~MuNiYa~: *
.... love is what counts in life, the purest form of which is the love of parents and children.
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I totally agree. However, being financially stable before having kids (and definitely before marrying) helps alot as well.
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*Originally posted by sweetpie: *
I totally agree. However, being financially stable before having kids (and definitely before marrying) helps alot as well.
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What if you get laid off?...What if you loose all your money after having kids? Do we have any control on that money?
ppl can plan whatever they want but i dont think you ppl havent heard that every baby is born with his/her rizq... so why worry, Allah has plans for everyone ...