There is a girl (let’s call her M) who I knew since jr high when we all went to the masjid together and hung out. I always found her flaky and kanjoos but we saw each other all the time because my best friend was close friends with her.
She’s not invited to the wedding. I’m sure she’s heard about my upcoming shaadi from mutual friends ( 2 of our close friends are my bridesmaids) and her cousin is attending. I have numerous reasons for not inviting her 1) we rarely talk (the last time was 6 months ago when she texted to congratulate me on my engagement…but the time before that was a year ago or something) 2) she’s super flaky and cheap and her behavior irritates me 3) The BIGGEST reason - we have A LOT of drama with an uncle of mine and M’s parents are now suddenly really close friends with my uncle/aunt. Our moms see each other on occasion and M’s mom ignores mine , etc. My parents were pretty adamant that she’s not invited.
Well, that’s all fine and dandy but she just called yesterday and left a longggg message about how she misses me (very random considering we don’t talk). She tried adding my fiance on fb randomly 2 mins after we announced our engagement (not exaggerating and she doesn’t know him at all). I also found out her mom and sister are going around asking everyone how in the world I found this random doctor and that there’s noooo way this marriage is arranged (it isn’t…but none of their business).
I’m having anxiety (I know I know) and have been avoiding her in general since I found out she wasn’t gonna be invited. Has something similar happened to anyone else? I know I’m going to get a really long sad message sooner or later and I really don’t know what to do.
I’m not sure why you’re worried about this. There’s nothing for you to do. This is the most simply problem in the world…it’s not even a problem!
If you don’t have an interest in talking to her then don’t return her call. Let her call and leave 100 voicemails. Don’t return her call. In fact, why don’t you do yourself a favor and just block her number. Let her continue sending FB friend requests to your fiancé…and tell him to ignore it. If you ever see her in person and she brings up the voicemails…tells her you’ve been busy with school and life and just haven’t had a chance to return her call. If she brings up sending FB requests to your fiancé and not getting accepted, act surprised and tell her that your fiancé didn’t mention anything to you so you can’t really comment on that.
lol I know, I knew this was stupid as soon as I typed it. I just am so bad at ignoring people and I kind of felt weird after hearing the message. Honestly, I would’ve pity invited her at that point but my parents have been very adamant that I don’t.
Seriously?! You’re going to be a doctor. With the wedding…I imagine in a few years you’ll be a mom. Learn to be tougher! You’ll be dealing with plenty of difficult people in your career/life in general. Don’t let people guilt you so easily. :nono:
She just wants to come to your wedding so she can gossip about it later on. Please ignore her. Not worth wasting even a minute of you time. This is the time of your life, celebrate it with people who matter
there isnt a problem at all lol. You just seem too nice and therefore arent able to ignore people like that. But ignore/dont invite her if you dont talk/have history etc etc. At the end of the day, it your wedding so invite who you want. Dont let her rain on your parade.
She obviously wants to be invited to your wedding otherwise she wouldnt contact you after ages. But in all honesty, sometimes you have to stand up for yourself instead of trying to be a people pleaser and being too nice. (learnt from experience lol).
She probably only called you cos she knows others are going and wants to be invited to.
If you don’t want to invite her, then don’t. There’s no absolute rule that you HAVE to invite her. It’s your wedding at the end of the day, do what makes this day the most memorable and enjoyful for you.
Op, there are people who have troublesome relatives (the kind that are nosy, that gossip, that meddle and stir the pot) and they can’t get out of inviting them because of formality. Now, that right there is greater cause for worry. But this girl and her family are neither close relatives nor close friends. Your parents are adamant that she not attend the wedding and you don’t want her to either. From how you’ve described your relationship with her, it doesn’t seem like she had done you any favors in the past to where you would now feel obligated to invite her. For instance, if she had often invited you to events in the past then I can understand your guilt in not returning the courtesy this time. But you said that you two weren’t even close.
I think that maybe what bothers you is the knowledge that she and her mom are going around enquiring about you and I can understand the irritation at their “surprise” that you managed to get a good catch, MashaAllah. I’d be annoyed as well. But you can’t control what they do. You cannot stop them from talking to people much less from talking about you. Feel flattered that they think you’re worth puzzling their minds over; that they have given you so much significance. Thank Allah for His blessings, recite your protective adhkar and make dua to Allah that he protect from you people’s nazar and all harm, and live your life happily.
Ignore her. If she bumps into you just make it clear youve been so busy and dont be shy if she asks about wedding plans just say fine thanks super busy. Youre not obliged to call her so dont worry! She clearly got in touch to get an invite
Yeah, i probably won’t even realize she’s there tbh since I’m going to be busy at the wedding but my parents, who are my PARENTS and also paying for the event, are going to be unhappy if she’s there so I can’t justify it at all.
lol you’re right.
thanks redvelvet. Yeah, that’s what annoys me. That and the fact that after I’ve confronted her about telling her mom random stuff that was told to her in private (this is before I knew what was really going on), she told me that she didn’t think it was right for me to cut her off because she can maintain her friendship with me and not have it effect her mom and my aunt’s relationships. That WOULD be true if she didn’t go and blab everything to her mother. My aunt is HELLBENT right now on ruining this rishta and that’s adding to the stress/anxiety and this girl just brings up all that in me so just hearing her voicemail made me annoyed.
AND the fact that if I went crazy and invited her anyways now, I KNOW for a fact that she’s too cheap to buy the plane ticket to attend. She’d cancel last minute. so she literally just wants the invitation to have it.
That’s a good plan. I won’t really run into her since we don’t live in the same place and she’d be FLYING back to come to the wedding but it’ll mean avoiding her fb messages/instagram (already blocked her) and voicemail/texts. I’ve been doing that but a mutual friend is getting involved now and saying I at least should call her back.
Op, I have a few relatives who behave like this girl and her family. I have a friend who is nice overall but is close to her mom thus tells her things. With the friend, I still include her as a friend though I now keep a distance. With the relatives…if there was a wedding tomorrow…we’d have to invite them …as we don’t have a choice. That’s harder to deal with which is why I gave you that example. At least with this girl and her mom, you have greater freedom in deciding to exclude them. Sometimes people don’t have that choice.
There is something good that came out of her betrayal…and that is that you now know that you can’t fully trust her and that you have to be careful around her. Maybe the longer that you were to continue confiding in her without hesitation, the more she’d have to blab about. With such folks, it’s better to be stung earlier on so you’re better aware. It would be nice if we could discern earlier on who is more or less trustworthy, but that lesson is often learned the hard way…but it’s better to have learned it (and sooner) than to have remained in a “blissful” ignorance about them for a lengthy duration. Be grateful for the lesson and move on.
Going off this thread, we’re probably not doing rsvp cards…and someone we know has mentioned multiple times that they’re bringing their SO who we don’t know at all to the wedding. Is there any way to indicate that +1s aren’t allowed without being rude? Is an rsvp card the only way to do it?
Your friend and her family are making noise to get attention. If you give it to her, you’re gonna regret it.
People like her beg for invitations to weddings, attend them and then gossip to other guests about the wedding they worked so hard to attend. Its very common and very typical of people who are jealous of another’s success or happiness.
If you really wanna bug her…ignore her COMPLETELY. Like no response at all.
Things are complicated enough without a rsvp request. Without one, you’ll be chasing after your guests to get them to tell you whether they’ll be attending or not and how many. With an rsvp, the responsible ones will call and let you know so it’s less work for you in a way.
Yes, be prepared to deal with guests who will ask if they can bring and additional person or two. We even had folks cancel on us last minute because of this issue so it was a loss of money. So be prepared for last minute cancelations, too.
As for those guests that want to bring ab additional person and you know that there’s no room, simply tell them that you’ve pretty much maxed out your space capacity as you’re also accommodating for the groom’s friends n family as well as yours.
You’re going to be a doctor. With the wedding…I imagine in a few years you’ll be a mom. Learn to be tougher! You’ll be dealing with plenty of difficult people in your career/life in general. Don’t let people guilt you so easily. :nono: 
