I’ve noticed this a lot in women that they say something really insulting to your face and later try to justify it by saying, “oh our hearts are so clear that we say what’s on our minds,” or that “oh I’m just a straightforward person.”
Personally I think that the above reasoning shows lack of people skills and general etiquettes. The art of connecting and relating with people is learning how to say the right thing at the right time and most of the times shutting up where it is unnecessary. A lot of times, messages can be conveyed effectively without the use of disrespectful tones and appearing superior.
It is not being smart to say whatever comes to your mind but knowing when to shut up or how to use basic people skills. Some people think that it’s being hypocritical.
I agree, some people think it is right to be upfront about what they think. While it is important to avoid hypocrisy and lying, it is also essential that you remain tactful when dealing with people. If you don’t like someone, you don’t have to tell them, there are other ways of getting the message across.
I’m talking about people who will come to you and say, “tum itni moti ho gayi ho” or “oh you don’t do hijab, you should” or “this outfit looks really bad on you” type of stuff direct at your face. I’m not talking about carrying tales or gossip…that’s a different issue.
So what do you have to say about that? I think that when it comes to saying stuff that can be hurtful, one must be careful with words, and only say it if an opinion is asked of them…even then, there’s a way of saying it. But blurting out the first thing that comes to your mind and later justifying it by saying sorry, I’m very saaf dil, isn’t nice..is it?
Well, there are many women who do know how to handle themselves. So it’s all about how much we are willing to change and learn to be better at dealing with people.
Well as man I will keep a cod face but when someone gets in my face or is really such a problem that they affect the sensibilities of not just me but a big chunk of the community then naturally I wont be silent…
Tact is something I lack… but thats not to say i’m not a tactical man when I have to be.
Being blunt thou does have its perks, it cuts thru the BS you feel you need to say, yet don’t mean. If it worx for Lord Sugar, it works for others too.
I kid you not, I was putting together the SAME topic right now!
They say things like “hum to saaf baat karte hein” or “humko khul ke baat karne ki adat hai” and really do believe that anything aside from this is “doghlapan”.
I had a similar situation a few months ago and it made my blood boil because you can say anything you want…literally anything you want if you bother to word it politely. There is nothing wrong with using a bit of manners and practicing self control when you open your mouth.
This is how I handled it…I was mad…maybe it was wrong but this is what I said:
“apko itni khul ke baat karne ki adat hai to hum apse khul ke kehrahe hein ke humko apki adatein achi nahin lagti hein…baat karne ka tareeqa har insaan ko ana chahiye hai…jisko nahin ata hai vo saaf dil nahin…badtameez hota hai”.
And I walked away. They WERE being disrespectful and trying to cover it up by saying “hum khulke baat karte hein”. I’m SO sick of people blurting things out under the guise of “hum to saaf dil hein, hum dilon mein burai nahin rakhte hein, moon pe kehte hein, blah blah blah”. In my opinion, its an excuse to be as rude as you want and then try to sneak out of the consequences.
Some people are naturally sensitive and its the way they’re built.
Manners are a thing you can implement and should be taught from a very early age. Having respect for peoples’ sensibilities and yourself…you’re responsible for what comes out of your mouth. Dont just put garbage out there and expect people to do what they want with it.
Its your tongue…and also one of the senses that gets questioned.
Naturally sensitive it could be…but alongwith ‘manners’ people need to learn to be a little tough too…and it is equally important to learn to just not let things get to you
He wanted to say that This is such a lame thread. There I said it . Now sue me.
Yep he could be sensitive about Niksiks feeling and would have made it more politically correct. Like "Hey Nikky some people are not good at use of words , they do not know how to express themselves in politically correct terms. "
Art of conversation is not everybody’s forte. So instead of getting a heartache at their behavior or words it is better to ignore them and move on , someday they might correct their ways once they encounter a ruder and more straight forward person than they are.
