I always thought it odd that english parents charge board to their nikay nikay or little uns for you non punjabiers out there. Then again, don’t you think that desis although not specifically terming it rent do the same.
Like kids generally, here anyway, contribute to something. Be it taking charge of a specific bill, or giving some money to mum do some shopping or buying something for the house ( which you leave when you move away ) and so forth.
Personally, i like the desi way. It’s more out of love, than a contract term.
I think i ought to add that i think parents, some anyway, deserve to be helped out. Depending on how you’ve been brought up, and how you’ve seen them struggle …you want to do your bit when you can. I do anyway.
Like, i’d love to
Pay all their bills
Buy all the groceries
Refurbish the house
Send them on holidays
Pamper them crazy
Take over their every worry and concern
Sadly, i’m married and i have to keep the roof over my own head. It sux. I feel bad for not being able to do more for them.
here is what we do.. (we = residents of the house) . . . we decided what mortgage/electric/gas/water/telephone charges will be , and equally decided on an amount that everyone pays..
I thought it's more like desi male kid generally support parents, their daughters, their in-laws and grand childern till God sends his mercy angel to rescue him to the next life.
Personnal, I have no likes or dislikes for desi way, It's more out of thankless slavery, than any contract term.
my parents take care of mortgage and us bros take care of the rest [bills, groceries, propert tax and other misc.] my job is to pay the bills [all utilities].
I was a parasite single. Eventually my parents moved out and I stayed in the house, and started paying them a nominal rent every month - 200 pounds stirling, about Canadian $400 or US $360. Then I moved to Canada....
Until my dad retires, I don't think neither my brother or I would buy / treat my parents in the ways that Disco Duck mentioned. Mainly because my parents are much wealthier than my brother and I combined (alhumdulillah)
Whilst they gave us immense financial support in every way shape and form until we started working, once we began working my parents shook off all financial responsibility for us apart from food (while we lived under the same roof as them).
However, they've made it clear to me that despite what they currently have, they made immense financial sacrifices for us in order to get us to where we are today.
My dad loves to tell me about the stuff he always wanted but gave up on in order to put us through private schools because he firmly believed that was the path to success. "I wanted THIS BMW but your school fees were THAT much, I wanted a house in THIS area, we could have gone on holiday to HERE every year, I wanted to do a cruise BUT ......"
They have made it clear that when the time comes we will have to return the favour by supporting them with whatever they need. The exact phrase was that the money they spent on us as kids is an investment in THEIR future.
^ No wonder you think through things in quite detail and calculate the crap out of them :-D There is no room for calculations in emotional bonds.
If I am financially stable, I wouldn't want my kids to return any favours. Expecting financial returns from kids is just wrong. Providing for them is your responsibility until they make a life of their own. Doing more than you can afford is your 'choice' not an obligation.
It's funny though, having parents who are way more finacially stable than you are.
I don't like the idea of my parents living on their own after my dad retires in under 10 years. However, they are likely to be living in a house much bigger than and worth far far more than anything I am likely to afford at that time.
So if ask, "I want you to move in with me so I can look after you better", then I'm asking them to leave the big fancy house to move into my much smaller place. After being used to living on their own in comparative luxury for so long, I don't see that happening.
If I say "I want to move in with you because I want to be able to look after you better", I just look like a leech even though it's true. My parents will have paid off the house by that point; so I will essentially have moved into the fancy property and just pay for food and running costs. There will be no more mortgage for me to contribute towards, and I don't want my parents to view me as leeching off their success and their home even after I have started my own path in life.
In fact, I'm unlikely to be able to afford to live even nearby my parents. So I'm most likely to end up in a situation where my family lives 15-20 minutes away from each other.
Of course... all this is based on the assumption I move back to England.
oye! everyone goes thru that phase
