Wow you guys are really tough cookies; just because someone was born into unfortunate circumstances you want to make sure they observe those unfortunate circumstances? I don't get it.
So if there are no means to higher your education past the point of common literacy (which is more then many in pakistan) and you have to get married; there is absolutely no reason to give them a small wedding with 50 other couples? They should marry in everyday clothes; they should look as they do every day of thier lives and they should head on home w/o anything to celebrate.
I say let them enjoy a bit.
Personally if I was out buying my wedding stuff and saw such a box; I'd like to think that I'd buy once less outfit adn put something in there for girls who are less fortunate then me.
Grant it - if it was a choice between education and a splendid wedding I'm all for the education.
I think if someone is marketing themselves as a charity, then it should at least be for providing for people who need necessities, not luxuries. The money spent on an unnecessary wedding would be better put to use educating more kids.
Wow you guys are really tough cookies; just because someone was born into unfortunate circumstances you want to make sure they observe those unfortunate circumstances? I don't get it.
So if there are no means to higher your education past the point of common literacy (which is more then many in pakistan) and you have to get married; there is absolutely no reason to give them a small wedding with 50 other couples? They should marry in everyday clothes; they should look as they do every day of thier lives and they should head on home w/o anything to celebrate.
I say let them enjoy a bit.
Personally if I was out buying my wedding stuff and saw such a box; I'd like to think that I'd buy once less outfit adn put something in there for girls who are less fortunate then me.
Grant it - if it was a choice between education and a splendid wedding I'm all for the education.
Yeah its all fine and dandy, not to mention a bit lofty, but who'd pay for the unease and heaviness of my conscience that charity jars like these cause. Us patrons shouldn't be subjected to such involuntary self-analysis, I just want my groceries, ffs.
I think if someone is marketing themselves as a charity, then it should at least be for providing for people who need necessities, not luxuries. The money spent on an unnecessary wedding would be better put to use educating more kids.
You're missing something here; the education part is over.
They've gone as far as they can - no one is paying for grad fees.
Because if someone would agree to pay for higher education costs then another someone would sit here and argue that higher education is a luxury and that thes funds can go to give another orphan fundamental education.
Result yeh nikla - donate where you see fit.
Us patrons shouldn't be subjected to such involuntary self-analysis, I just want my groceries, ffs.
When we raise our own kids,do their taleem o tarbeeyat,we want the best for them.We get them clothes and food and books and provide for good education and then even if tehy have nice paying jobs,we pitch in for their weddings.
If we are sponsoring an orphan (like those at the SOS),we pay for their expenses every month and that includes food,clothes and books etc.Then when these kids grow up and reach an age when they are making certain amount/month and are baaligh enough,why can't I give something for their wedding too...?
A combined nikkah of few couples with a few people,how is that unnecessary...??
You're missing something here; the education part is over.
They've gone as far as they can - no one is paying for grad fees.
*Because if someone would agree to pay for higher education costs then another someone would sit here and argue that higher education is a luxury and that thes funds can go to give another orphan fundamental education.
*
Result yeh nikla - donate where you see fit.
Yeh baa'th kuch aur hai. I like the honestly. :)
This...!
Instead of paying for their graduate studies,it would be better to fund elemantary & high school level education for another kid and then give some vocational training and get them married off so they can live a respectable life.
The vocational training included cooking,sewing classes for girls and for boys something like auto mechanic, electrician etc etc kinda stuff.Once they are done with Matric and some sort of training which can enable them to get a job,they prefer them to get married and if I am not wrong the SOS girls do get married to SOS boys.The reason is that they prefer not to keep them once they are responsible for themselves and maybe think it is better and secure for young girls at that age to be married off and have the security of having a husband and own home.
I'm not familiar with how things work in Pakistan in regard to this so please excuse my ignorance. In the particular example you gave, did the vocational training provided to girls allow them to actually earn money? Also, once the boys and girls finished their training, did they work for some time before the wedding? Or were they married off immediately?
I think my belief in this particular situation is based on my personal experiences with many couples over the years who came from unfortunate/financially poor backgrounds. While I completely understand the emotional reasons behind the "want" of a nice wedding.....I also believe that charities should focus on providing the orphans (girls and boys) the means to support themselves financially. And no, I'm not talking about people getting MBA's, PhD's etc. I realize not everyone has those opportunities....certainly not orphans depending on charities for their survival.
I've known several couples over the years who came from poor families and they themselves did not earn a very high income or have graduate degrees. I know several couples who worked well over a year and saved every penny they could, and THEN paid for their own wedding due to not receiving any help from family. And no, I'm not talking about over-the-top luxury weddings with several hundred guests.
I understand the concept that it's nice to give someone a jora or money to pay for a small/simple reception etc. If the charitys #1 priority is to educate/train the orphans to earn money on their own once they're done, I honestly do not understand why these orphans can not work and earn the money to pay for their own wedding. What's the rush to get these 15/16/17 year old's married asap?
Everyone has their personal values and will donate their $ based on that. Obviously there are plenty out there who would have no problem paying for the wedding, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. But for me personally, I would rather have my money go towards education/vocational training or even provide food/shelter/medical care for children who don't have those very basic items.
my point was.........i don't object paying for orphans wedding...and helping them have a good wedding........i was simply contradicting the ''islamic justification'' of necessity of a wedding ceremony
Paheli....I do not have the latest info.I have not been in touch with them for more than 14-15 years.From what I used to know the logic behind getting them married at an early age was that they preferred that they leave the SOS villages by that time.And it is wise to get them married off to a boy from the SOS rather than telling girls of that age to go out and live on their own.
I have heard that these girls were able to get jobs in some factories or even in one of the SOS villages.As BBQ mentioned there is a certain requirement that the boys they are getting married to,have a job,earn a particular amount and be able to live decently (not lavishly though) in an apartment or quarter or whatever they can afford before they are married off.
I would say maybe the authorities feel an obligation to get them married for their safety,because unfortunately it is not easy and safe for a young girl living alone in Pakistan with such a background.
Even if both the girl and boy are working,we will have to understand that it will not be a job with a handsome pay.They will most likely survive on a month to month basis with very little savings.And if they are asked to save up for their wedding,it might take them years and years.So maybe help them establish a household,they depend on donations for the weddings as well.just like their basic education was supported by donations.
I think what some people are trying to say here is that a wedding is simply a female whim...and its not really a charity.
I think they're also believing these weddings are lavish festivities with a mehndi, designer outfits, thousands of guests and all that.
These are mass nikah's. There a many many many couples getting married at the same time. Its their nikah day...and wearing a nice (by nice I simply mean new and not designer or even bridal) outfit, having a simple nikah with some family present is NOT a luxury by any means.
If you have the means to put a smile on someone's face...you should be ashamed that you didn't.
What's confusing to me is that something so simple like a nikah is being made out to look like its an extravagance. What would they prefer? That these poor couples be married on the pavement? Will that satisfy them that their money is being well spent? Is that the concern?
Shame on anyone who believes in kicking people while they're down!
I wrote a long and furious response at the people who are mistaking these charities with providing luxuries.
But then I realised that the fact that they think this is a luxury to everyone clearly shows how absolutely stupid and childish they are. So I deleted it all and will only use an image to convey my feelings here;
Supporting a wedding normally means helping a couple somewhat settle down by helping them buying necessities for home like a stove, washing machine, fridge, some basic furniture, etc. I don't think there is anything wrong with it. They are not really asking for a flashy wedding ceremony.
