Paying For Things
Wow shameful and sad. I can understand if husband is working hard but if he’s literally not needing to work because mom and dad are so damn rich, that is just wow because unless your retired, here in North America even the rich need to work for a certain length of time through out their life. If they are ACTUALLY as rich as you say, that is just absurd and nasty, and plain weird.
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I know someone whose married daughter is living in a certain city of Punjaab and the inlaws send her & kids to Khi at their own expense but then the girl’s parents buys tickets for her & her children’s return to that city of punjaab.
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OMG…so bad…this is new to me
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Why should her parents buy a return ticket?
I thought Islamically we expect men to be the big bad tough providors?
Where does the big bad toughness go when they are presented with a receipt for a 120 dollar return ticket home? :-/
And that speaks volumes - daaaarling, beautiful, I’ll buy your ticket for you to see parents…yes seeeee how gennnnerous I ammmm?
Oh by the way, you gotta pay for your own arse back home, cuz I really don’t care if you come back home 
???
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Well don’t marry such people. Simple.
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Because men and their families will make it obvious that this is their character, prior to marriage?
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Onus is on the person getting married to try to fully understand who they’re marrying. Asking around of that particular family etc..
Naturally, one cant know everything so, if all seems perfect and that person does get married
Then they should at least have the courage to stand up for themselves. It’s not she is relying on him financially if she has such a good education. Make it known that if the husband in this case is being more Jewish than the local Rabbi that she will get her own job?
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This is what happens when girls and their families get bowled over by the wealth of the guy and his family. I bet the girl and her parents knew and experienced the wealth and luxuries before the marriage and must have thought… he is a good catch… but failed to look beyond that.
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the fact that he is rich does not excuse him from financially maintaining his wife.
keep in mind in this situation, he KNEW she wanted to pursue residency, ok’ed it, then blocked her after marriage.
how do you do that to someone you “love”? No, you do that to someone you want to control.
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It was an a-hole move but why didn’t she insist on pursuing her education? She should have called her MIL’s bluff about divorce.
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I agree. This guy is clearly a jerk and doesn’t respect his wife. As you said yourself…people do this to someone they want to control. This is not a sign of “love”.
So all that being said…what’s HER excuse for putting up with it? 
She’s educated, living in the U.S., and even has her family here. She’s not being kept prisoner and the guy hasn’t threatened physical violence if she leaves. So why is she CHOOSING to be his trophy wife & live the life of luxury while complaining about how he controls her…instead of standing up for herself and getting a job.
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I think she has been scared of divorce.
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Marriage seems more and more like a business transaction than anything else.
My mom’s a stay-at-home-mom and my dad pays for EVERYTHING and has never asked for one red cent from her parents for anything. I really don’t know what to make of this girl’s situation but I would’ve been outta there a long time ago.
Paying For Things
Agreed, it’s sad and paheli has a point. How can anyone help her if she won’t help herself.
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If your hubby did this to you, would you leave him? Or would you say…hm…he’s a doc, he makes enough for both of us, and i’d rather not fight it.
?
A lot of women would, in exchange for shelter, clothes, nice clothes at that, and to save face in their community, would NOT go for a divorce in this situation. It’s a career, so what?
And it’s not black and white. No one outright said “nooo, you can’t do what you want”.
It was more like finding excuses to put it off. Not this year, dear, this isn’t a good year. Another year gone by, aisa karo ke do a little research here and there, but we need you at home, maybe you can try next year…another year gone by and “Well you might not get a spot this year, why dont you do another year of research and then see what happens”.
Next thing you know half a decade is gone. 
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Sometimes people get used to a luxury and wealth. So they decide they stay in such a marriage.
If that is the reason why the woman in this story is accepting her husbands behavior, then I do not feel pity.
But ALLAH (SWT) knows best.
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If my husband wanted me to leave my career so I can stay home …I’m definitely open to that possibility. However, once I gave up my career, if my husband tried to do crap like keep me away from my mother/father and actually went as far as threatening divorce if I spend “his” money to go see them…then I wouldn’t just sit back and ALLOW him to get away with it. In that case, I would go out and get a job…and IF my husband actually went ahead and filed for divorce b/c I went and got a job…then yes, I would sign the papers.
Why on earth would I stay with a man has such little regard for me and our marriage? Just like your friend, I’m an educated woman capable of earning my own money. I didn’t marry my husband in order to live the life of a lazy socialite. In fact, if that was my goal…I wouldn’t have even married my husband b/c even on a doctor’s salary I can’t live the life your friend does.
My point is that in that specific situation you mentioned, I don’t feel sorry for the wife and I don’t see her as a victim. Plenty of women out there marry rich man and CHOOSE to put up with plenty of crap b/c they don’t want to give up life of luxury. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with it. I’m just saying that women like that are not victim’s.
By now your friend must realize that she was married as a trophy wife. Her dreams/wants/and HER family doesn’t really matter to her husband. She’s expected to look pretty, behave well, and make him/his family look good in the community. In exchange she will have maids, nice house, designer clothes, jewelry, attend lavish parties etc. The 2 things she will NOT have is a career and money to see her parents/sister. This isn’t a marriage based on love/mutual respect. These are 2 people who have an “understanding” by now on what their roles are in this contract. The husband isn’t this horrible husband who’s somehow controlling his wife or not “allowing” her to do something. He has simply given her the choices she has. And she has CHOSEN to continue the role of his trophy wife despite the restrictions of that role.
There are plenty of women out there in abusive marriages OR with controlling husband’s who make their life a living hell. Many of these women can’t leave that situation b/c of threats, total lack of education which makes it almost impossible for them to find a decent job…and even living in countries like Pakistan where there aren’t resources to help them. Those are actual victims. But for women like your friend…I don’t feel sorry for them OR see them as “victims” of their “awful” husband’s. She has credit cards for buying clothes, makeup, jewelry etc…and I imagine she has CHOSEN to just not buy a plane ticket with that card b/c she doesn’t want her husband to take it away (ie. lose access to all her shopping). It’s not that she’s “allowed” to go see her parents 1x/year. She’s CHOOSING to see her parents 1x/year while CHOOSING to continue the life of a socialite.
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I don’t understand this mentality of the guy and his family not allowing or not wanting the girl to see her family. Not specific to this situation but in general. Like why? I just don’t get it.
If my husband ever told me I couldn’t see my parents or whatever I’d tell him exactly where to shove it. These girls need a backbone… All the money in the world cannot buy you happiness and this is a prime example of this. What’s the point in having all these nice things if you’re miserable on the inside and your husband’s an a$$hat?
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^ But like Paheli said, we don’t know exactly how miserable she is. She’s living a lifestyle that most people on the planet would envy, and she’s obviously fine with limited contact with her parents in exchange for said lifestyle. Her husband is no saint but the girl is responsible as well.
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I don’t think I’d be okay with that kind of mentality. Its tang-dili and a weakness of character as well as morals if you have issues paying for your wife’s ticket to see her parents once or twice a year. Lanat hai aise logon par.
But if she lets him get away with it…then she’s just as much to blame.