Okay I have a question. If someone with cancer is fighting a very serious infection spread in their whole body and is in ICU, would you go to see them?
I am in Pakistan and everyone has been going to see this patient from and out of different cities. I feel on the other hand that patient’s family has already so much to deal with, why burden them with extra pressure.
By extra pressure I mean some of these people who go out of a different city stay at patient’s house. Also that family will have a hospitality burden. I know in this time of crisis they don’t have to be hospitable but one, his wife is hospitable by nature so she still makes sure to serve lavish appetizers when people come to visit patient (when he was home) and second, if someone is visiting and staying at ur place u have to do something in terms of food, bedding, make space for visitors , etc.
So I felt it was a burden and I dint go. (I did go to see him when he was home and getting better before infection..though with low immunity cancer patients shouldn’t be visited but I went because of pressure).
Thus, my question, did I do the right thing by not going while he is in icu. And would you go if in my shoes(God forbid). This relative is my mamun just to mention the closeness of relationship and a very mingly type person who always shows up at every occasion.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
If he is your mamu, then you should go. Of course you wont be going in the ICU but the supporting the family. if you live in the same city as the relative then you can send meals for the family and guests, and support them as needed. However, if they want personal time as family, it should be given to them.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
Visit by all means - I went to see someone in ICU twice last week and his family was very greatful and encouraged us to speak to him and talk to him. He passed away on Monday. I'm glad I saw him before he left us.
ICU normally means the person is very critical so even if you show up at the hospital and not go inside the room, it gives the family support. As for khana peena and rehna at the family's house, that's unnecessary imo but it happens a lot and you end up catering for people. Stay a respectable amount of time and if you do, help out as much as you can.
Judge the situation, each one is unique so can't say if you were right or wrong.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
Visit him for sure and you always have the option of not staying at their place. Go to the hospital, spend some time there and come back to your house. Its Ramazan anyway so go during the daytime, there will be no issue of food/lunch arrangement for the family.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
He is in another city. I just felt it'd b hassle to family. What if they don't want visitors
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
Visit them and see them. Stay at a hotel. Very very simple.
Patient in ICU. Would you go?
I have a different perspective on this. When my Ammi was diagnosed with cancer (end stage), and was hospitalized, word spread pretty fast and we had dozens and dozens of people descend on the hospital. It got very overwhelming for my sisters and I. There were so many people there..immediately family, friends, her work colleagues...the steady stream of well wishers was appreciated but kind of got out of hand. Since we're in US, it was easier to be a little a firm and communicate the need for a little space and privacy..we appointed an uncle as "spokesperson" for us and he sent out regular text messages, emails and phone calls with updates on Ammi's condition. We also asked the nurses to help us limit the amount of visitors based on the fact that she was so weak and susceptible to germs etc.
I know in Pakistan it's not so easy to do the same (had a similar situation when years earlier Ammi had a surgery in khi and we had rishtedaar coming from near and far to see her), so I would recommend calling first to see if its a good time to visit or not, and when you do go, keep the visit brief.
Having been in that position, I can tell you that the well wishes and gestures are of comfort, but sometimes it's best to maybe hang back a little.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
I would try to see if I can stay at a hotel if at all possible. If not, I'd go with the intention of helping the family out. Meaning, don't be a guest in their home...help them while you're there. Offer to take care of the kids, cook a few meals, run errands for them, etc. I don't think its right to expect a family to cook/cater for you when they're dealing with so much. Its unfair.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
Khatti that's exactly what I had in mind when I decided to not go. In Pakistan it's taken personally wen Ithey tell ppl to not come. So I knew that they won't say upfront to notcome that's y I just decided to stay bak. Plus hubby has gone which is more helpful cuz he can arrange for blood, buy meds, give night duty at hospital etc. me on the other hand has a baby MA and its not easy with baby. Last time I went I felt I hassled them because they were all courteous though I dint stay overnight and only stayed for a very short time. I do call often.
Reba his family setup is different. It won't b possible to start cooking. I d hav tons of questions regarding where everything is kept, her cooking style , etc. kids r all big and they have regular help from maids etc.
I have a different perspective on this. When my Ammi was diagnosed with cancer (end stage), and was hospitalized, word spread pretty fast and we had dozens and dozens of people descend on the hospital. It got very overwhelming for my sisters and I. There were so many people there..immediately family, friends, her work colleagues...the steady stream of well wishers was appreciated but kind of got out of hand. Since we're in US, it was easier to be a little a firm and communicate the need for a little space and privacy..we appointed an uncle as "spokesperson" for us and he sent out regular text messages, emails and phone calls with updates on Ammi's condition. We also asked the nurses to help us limit the amount of visitors based on the fact that she was so weak and susceptible to germs etc.
I know in Pakistan it's not so easy to do the same (had a similar situation when years earlier Ammi had a surgery in khi and we had rishtedaar coming from near and far to see her), so I would recommend calling first to see if its a good time to visit or not, and when you do go, keep the visit brief.
Having been in that position, I can tell you that the well wishes and gestures are of comfort, but sometimes it's best to maybe hang back a little.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
I would try to see if I can stay at a hotel if at all possible. If not, I'd go with the intention of helping the family out. Meaning, don't be a guest in their home...help them while you're there. Offer to take care of the kids, cook a few meals, run errands for them, etc. I don't think its right to expect a family to cook/cater for you when they're dealing with so much. Its unfair.
I would say go, I agree wigth Reha , I am sure you are not expecting any hospitality from them, extend you helping hand while you are there.
I would say dont go in the patients room bc when they are battling other infections it is better to stay away to avoid making the patient more sick.
Call the family, ask them what is the good time or day to visit them. You will know what to do with their response.
Iyaadat pe jaana sunnat hai. Don't deny yourself that sunnah based on assumption.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
I would have gone personally. But since your husband is there and representing your household, I think you are okay. Even though telling people not to come visit is not the norm in Pakistan, I think it's also expected that people show up for ayaadat, warna aur baatain banti hain k falan falan didn't come to see him. Just call them often, talk to your maami/cousins so they know you are wishing well and are concerned.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
There was a time when people going for 'ayadat' would actually go to help the family in crises and share their burden. I have seen some families who took over running of household while the immediate family was busy with the patient. Similar traditions were there for deaths where the immediate family was relieved of any burden by visitors who would arrange for almost everything. As family units became smaller and privacy became a major issue, these traditions are dying.
Now visitors are more of a burden on the family in crises. Nevertheless, please visit and see if something can be done to bring some relief if they are overburdened.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
Sorry if you don't like this post - but in my mind, there is no doubt what so ever that you should go see your Mamu. There's a reason you should call him Mamo-jaan
I know that I would give my life up for all my Mamu's and mamo's are like our fathers. If you don't go, this might stay with you for a long time - and people always talk. Better to go, no doubt.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
If your husband is there then check with him. I am sure he can guide you on what will be an appropriate time to visit.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
I did visit him 2 -3 weeks ago before he went in ICU. Now on ventilator.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
oh man...you should go, if he is on ventilator. I am very sorry. May Allah give strength to your family. I am sure the family would appreciate all the support they can get during this difficult time, especially from his loved ones.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
There was a time when people going for 'ayadat' would actually go to help the family in crises and share their burden. I have seen some families who took over running of household while the immediate family was busy with the patient. Similar traditions were there for deaths where the immediate family was relieved of any burden by visitors who would arrange for almost everything. As family units became smaller and privacy became a major issue, these traditions are dying.
Now visitors are more of a burden on the family in crises. Nevertheless, please visit and see if something can be done to bring some relief if they are overburdened.
Excellent post.
When my father was in the last stages of cancer, my Mamu and family came to my parents home and overtook everything. My dear Mamu and Mami, MA, cooked, cleaned, washed you name it for one month, while my family ( I was not there) could spend precious time with my father. After his death, he took over the duties etc . He MA, even looking around the house knew XYZ needed to be fixed, repaired; he did it all, so it would not be a source of concern for Mum after my Fathers death. Now, this was NOT a burden at all. My Mum and family will always be indebted for what my Mamu did for us.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
I did visit him 2 -3 weeks ago before he went in ICU. Now on ventilator.
It is your Mamu, I would definitely tell you to visit, as I would tell my own children to. That is a very close relation.
We have spent the past few months dealing with various ppl in and out of the hospital, and I would never be a burden to anyone. If you can help, help. But I will always make sure to visit, even if it is 5 mins.
Re: Patient in ICU. Would you go?
I have a different perspective on this. When my Ammi was diagnosed with cancer (end stage), and was hospitalized, word spread pretty fast and we had dozens and dozens of people descend on the hospital. It got very overwhelming for my sisters and I. There were so many people there..immediately family, friends, her work colleagues...the steady stream of well wishers was appreciated but kind of got out of hand. Since we're in US, it was easier to be a little a firm and communicate the need for a little space and privacy..we appointed an uncle as "spokesperson" for us and he sent out regular text messages, emails and phone calls with updates on Ammi's condition. We also asked the nurses to help us limit the amount of visitors based on the fact that she was so weak and susceptible to germs etc.
I know in Pakistan it's not so easy to do the same (had a similar situation when years earlier Ammi had a surgery in khi and we had rishtedaar coming from near and far to see her), so I would recommend calling first to see if its a good time to visit or not, and when you do go, keep the visit brief.
Having been in that position, I can tell you that the well wishes and gestures are of comfort, but sometimes it's best to maybe hang back a little.
My DH was in the ICU a few weeks back. It was a huge shock to us all.
We let concerned family and friends know of his condition and updated regularly. But we were not prepared for the dozens of ppl who descended to the ICU. Now we are talking about well wishers, and friends. It was very overwhelming, my children were upset, I became upset.
The ICU staff saw our distress, after which they completely controlled the visitors. If I needed to speak to someone,I did, but briefly for a minute of two.
I will always be grateful for the well wishes and support we received , but sometimes, as KC mentioned, a person needs to hang back.
Upon returning home, some concerned members of the community sent us food after food for almost a month, and this from those I do not know.
May Allah SWT bless each and every one
OP..however, your situation is different, as this concerns your Mamu. As mentioned by another poster, I would do anything for my Mamus. They have always loved with me with all their heart.