Passing ones gift to someone else

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

It happens all the time. I gave my SIL a really nice and good quality stichted suit when I got married - so that suit was like a gift to her cuz I married her brother but she had the nerve to give it away to her cousin IN FRONT of me and my hubby!I felt very hurt. Hubby just gave her the look but didnt say anything and i decided to keep quiet about it as I have had bigger issues with her than this suit:D

Then I noticed that she always gives me tacky and weird stuff as if she is just fulfilling an obligation but not putting an effort to it so I have decided that I will not put too much effort in giving her really nice gifts.

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

Maroush for all those who say once u giv a gift its upto the reciever to do wat so ever i hav this question...
Maroush u gav ur husband a beautiful tie on his b-day n next day u see ur FIL weaing that exact tie n saying "Son gifted me this.ain't it nice".....will same logic apply to that as well.

i mean i also pass on gifts sometimes but not from close family members.theirs i always use for sometime infront of their eyes b4 i cleared them out.its a kind of disrepect i take to do it otherwise.yes if u don't like something ask them to get it exchanged for something else n that will hurt no one

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

Seriously Sara how can u do that.i mean i would luv to but they make such a big fuss really n even my husband would take their side saying:humara kaam daina hai.."

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

oh really?! hehe...

I agree with you!

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

Simple, I won't. OR, i just give them exact caliber of stuff htey give me.

I guess the only time it's worth putting in a little bit of effort is getting something for kids..but adults..nah.

Do they ever give you nice stuff?

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

[quote="Sara516, post:29, topic:198760"]

Simple, I won't. OR, i just give them exact caliber of stuff htey give me.

I guess the only time it's worth putting in a little bit of effort is getting something for kids..but adults..nah.

Do they ever give you nice stuff?/quote]

haha never

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

Thats a cool attitude!!How does your husband react to this?does he insist on giving really good gifts or he is ok with giving just ok gifts??

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

Ok...there are 2 things first they pass gift to someone else and 2nd do they ( inlaws) like our gift or not??

my sister was coming our house (meika) first time after her marriage about a week or so....then when she was leaving her MIL and told her that we have a tradition that ur mom have to give u a suit when u will come back and im telling u this because when u will come back everybody will be around to see ur suit so dont forget to remind ur mom...

then my sister told whole story to my mom how ever...my mom gave her a very nice dress..even thogh we gave her soooo many dress's in JAHEZ...when she went back to her sasural everyone saw her suit and her SIL ( jhetani ) said this is looking cheap may be ur mom bought from some where juma or itwaar ( friday/sunday) bazar..well my sister was newly wed dulhan thats why she didnt said her anything..but when she told us about that my mom and i was so mad at her...

how do u feel when some one give this kind of cheap comments on ur stuff??

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

Kinzz.....this is simple basic tameez. Even a little kid would know that you shouldn't make such disrespectful comments about **SOMEBODY **else's gift in front of their face.

Usually when a person behaves like this, it is NOT because that person is innocent bhola bhala and doesn't know what they are saying and made the offensive comment without thinking.

Acutually, in these cases, the person KNOWS exactly what they're doing and the comment is made on purpose. And it reflects the person's JEALOUSY. Your sister did the right thing by staying quiet. She shouldn't drop to the low cheap level of her SIL. The SIL must very miserable on the inside if she can't even make the effort to hide her bitterness for the sake of decency. If people want to show their TRUE CHARACTER and embarrass themselves.....let them do it. The are doing more damage to their OWN repuation with these stupid comments than they are to your sister.

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

I just hada lil peep in dis thread.

I think when it comes to gifts it depends.

1) A SpeciAL gIFT

I just think that if someone gives you something with a lot of love and affection and you can see that glow in thier face when they give it to you, espcially clothes or your birthday etc.

They put effort into choosing that cloth 'FOR YOU', they thought of something how it would look 'ON YOU'. Therefore such a gift, you should not give to another infact try to wear it infront of the person soon to make them happy.
Especially if that persons good relation means a lot to you.
If you dont like it, you should not get rid of it or give to another that quick. Becos

a) the person will feel bad seeing someelse waring the thing they bought for you.

b)if in near future incase the person asks you something about thier gift. i.e where is or i have never seen you using/wearing that gift i gave you. Then what will u reply if u passed it on?

If the gift is truly disttasteful or unsuited to you. if you cant use it,Then because of the above precautionary reasons I still wud atleast keep it in the back of my cupboard.

2) A NON-SPECIAL GIFT

If the gift given is not that special or given with much importance. Then i think you should can do whatver u want with it.

And to Kinky:

Why didnt you check the in-laws properly before marrying.

No point blaming them now is it.

And They seem like an extremly horrible and unworthy lot.
What a rude comment. I dont know how your sister tolerated to remian quiet.

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

Staying quiet was the right thing to do, because she was a new bride....and had only been living with her in-laws for a couple of days. It would not be smart to start an argument when you are so new to the family. After she gets better adjusted to living with her in-laws, she can find effective ways of dealing with her SIL.

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Im so ashamed and sorry to call Kinnz kinky....i swear it was mistake......can we forget that pls...look i write fast and forget and make errors sometimes....

And to R.V

Im sorry but ill stick to my argument that kinz shud have chekd her in-laws properly.

This is common flaw i notice in many pakistani families who lash onto proposals ...based on initial impressions of the other party...with lame excuses like you dont get rista's nowadays, or look our girl is already 23 when will u marry her-when shes a buddi-girls dont get ristas after they reach 25, and other such as u would know of.
And when you tell these people to bea bit more responsible at the timeof the proposal, they act all proudly and tell u simply to f.off, as someone who doesnt want them to b happy.

So these bascially people 'ask-for-it' when they decide crucial things in such unresponsible and stupid ways.

And yeh actually di think its the girls fault. Why shoudnt it be. Shes plays a big role in the selection process.

And c'mon the kind of comment the in-laws made was a proper gatiya type, coming from only a **gatiyah person and family. **I would like to call them uneducated

And How can somebody marrying thier daughter not notice or not bother to notice such an extreme charecteristic in thier in-laws.
This aint no eeechy-peechy lil thing ladie.

And the stupid DIL and MIL...I mean.....if you r jealous of the girl or her family..if you dont like them...why did you marry them then!?

Stupid Pakis

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

^ i dont agree with you one that AP.
Maybe some families dont find out enough information about rishta but others do a fine job doing their investigation in the real matter like..is the family educated, are they hiding something etc.

the topic in this thread is something you will only find out once u are married or at least spending enough time together. Pre wedding one can only find what their likes and dislikes are but the NICE cover inlaws (both girl and guys families) tend to put over their ugliess only comes off once they are married.

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

To Mabrook, I would be hurt to, esp since its my SIL or MIL...i like the other girls spent time picking out gifts for ppl i care abt...and if i were to see thm giving it out...i would be upset.
i dont knw what type of a girl your SIL is but if you think she ll be honest with you thn ask her if the gift wasn't her style.
but if you think he would lie thn forget abt it and do what are planning already....but the wrong, cheap and ugly gift ;)

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

You're being unreasonable. People are not going to show every little thing about their personality during the rishta process. People can behave with respect around some people.........and behave disrespectfully around others.

When you are in your own home.......you sometimes get into arguments with your brother and sister and you may yell and be more comfortable showing your ugly side. BUT......when you and brother/sister go to a party/dawat.....you both will be on your best behavior.

Your behavior in a formal setting will be different than your behavior in your own home. You can get away with a lot more things in your own home.

Also, most people show tameez when they meet others...... When you meet someone/go to someone's house....you will try your best to act respectful even if you don't like the person that much.

If a Mother-in-law REALLY REALLY REALLY wants a particular girl for her son.........she's going to try extra hard to show the girl and her parents a positive image.............so that the girl's family will like them and say "yes" to the rishta. The truth might come out later.

ALSO.......when the girl's family does investigation........people will say DIFFERENT things. They might ask "hum apni larki ka rishta iss jagah karnay ka soch rahein hain......aap bata saktey hain k larkay ki family kaisi hai?" And MANY people can say, "Haan, larkay ki family bahut achi hai. Us ki maa aur behnay bahut tameez daar hain."

^Because jab hum logo se miltay hain.....to apnay aap ko acha dikhanay ki koshish kartay hain.........and this is how other people say good things about us during investigation process. And that's how a girl will NOT KNOW ALL THE DETAILS of a person's personality until AFTER MARRIAGE.

And that's common sense........you won't know with **100% accuracy **what kind of personality your mother-in-law, sister-in-law, husband, or wife has UNTIL you start living with them.

You're trying to say that you can find out everything. And I'm saying that you can find out some things, even most things.....but not ALL things.

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

Errrmmmm.

Ok then but then why do not account for these initial sweet proposal families impression that could be fake....why do u fall for them.....

I hate the apeople who justify thier mistakes and shift thier blame by saying you cant find the chrecter of peoples beforehand.
Is marriage a gamble?

OK, given that some families do do to the best investigations, and things dont runt out right still...thats unlucky for them...i feel for them.. but

and this is a fact...most paki families in pakistan especially just las onto ristas like anything.

They tend to to totally loose thier rational behaviours whne coming to ristas's. They look at a few seemingly good things, and give thier daughter off...only to suffer later..or even divorces.

A lot of the time the proposals they get arnt even all that good but they stil lash into them liek theres goona be no tomorow.

Oh...so R.V your judgement of 'good people' consists mostly of the ettiquette in which they behave in a few 1 hour visits with you?

I really thought atleast you were brighter than this.

And im not saying go for 100%. Im saying this is an major aspect of chrecter of in-laws doesnt that isa must to be looked at.
I mean look at what the cows said...'juma or landa bazaar'?

If this is the case. I think if i went on an experimental adventure.
I could defintly pull atleast 4-5 ristas a week to my account.
Is it really that easy...?
I mean hey i have good education, background. And as if i dont know how to act polite.

God.. I am really begining to belive now u can be a fool and still make any girl fall for u.

sorry

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

**
Thanks Rabia**..........that's exactly the point I was trying to make. You can find out about job, education, reputation, religions, culture, expectations..........but you CAN"T find out ALL things about your in-laws such as (jealousy, temper, laziness, gossiping, etc). These things you find out afterwards.

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

^ Oh MY GOOD GOD????????????????? Why is it such a hard concept to understand for you, Amir Pindi??????????

Can YOU always recognize with 100% accuracy when a person is being fake???????? No, you can't always recognize that a person is being fake.

You might be friends with someone who you thought was sincere.....and then turns out he was only using you.

You might have a boss who says nicely that he's going to give you a promotion.....and then you find out he lied.

You might be in a relationship with a girl whom you thought was a very nice person and had the same feelings as you..........and then you find out she was leading you on and is not interested.

You might share your happiness with a family relative and to your face they say, "congratulations baita"..........and you believe they are being sincere.........BUT behind your back they are talking crap about you and are jealous.

SEE WHAT I MEAN............sometimes people can be FAKE......and sometimes you will be able to recognize their "fakeness" and other times you won't be able to recognize it.

Some people (male, female, old, young, aunties, uncles) are BETTER ACTORS than others.

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

Hmmm. r.v

u seme to b making sense now..

I guess we allr 'fake' infront of real-people out about our bizness rnt we.

We may nt really feel that way for them...but its called 'being social'/diplomatic

I suppose in evryone big or small ther r human feelings whcih they somtimes see 'no-need' to supress or change anymore..and just releese em

am i gettng it?

lol. do u know u just reminded me of somthing....i dont lik being used....i think somebody was seriusly took the piss with me...

i feel like getting even

Re: Passing ones gift to someone else

Both my SIL n MIL always assure me they like the gifts Also after a while when i realized they don't use them i started keep a gift reciept or a gaurantee from the storekeeper that if the reciever doesn't like it they hav the option to exchange n whenever i told them abt this it was"no no we like it"
And once i found this sweater jacket i always loved on special deal>Since they were on sale they went sooo fast so few left.Now Silly me i thought i'll buy her one too.Now i'm a med n shes a large n there was only one med left.when i gav it to her she said the med would suit her better n the L was too loose so i gav her mine n returned hers.Now she knew very well i cannot buy another in med still she gladly accepted mine saying"yea yea its gud i like it" But afterwards i never ever saw her wearing it.

yes some in-laws don't deserve a nice thought

To Pyari thats so rude of ur MIL to giv away things infront of u.ur hubby should hv said sumething.next time never buy the brands they luv.