Help!Following my previous post… the guy did not ring for 2 weeks so the middle party said to my mum to call the guy and ask for an answer..however, my mum called him and he ws quite straight forward in sayin ‘no’ for the rishta..when my mum asked for a reason he made up a lame xcuse bout family priorities…didn’t he knw bout them before he came lukin for a girl to marry…I really feel bad now cz I feel my mum got insulted… and I feel rejected and betrayed…My mum and family thought he ws perfect…wht should I do now? How do I make myself feel confident? Im fed up of all these guys comin down, seeing girls and then sayin no with a lame reason….
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
What if he would have said nothing and keep leading you guys on ??? Good on his part that he just said it .
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
lol what
you were going to reject the guy and now you feel hurt because the guy rejected you?
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
well its part of our life, that's was your past don't focus on it......... move on
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
msha22... I thing it is the first time for you. You will get used to these 'rejections' after sometime.
Its part of the game dear. You should take 'no contact' as a NO from the other party. This is how the arranged rishta process happens in our society. Sorry to be blunt, but it was a perfect rishta for you, you might not be a perfect rishta for the guy.
He is making family priorities as an excuse since he didn't feel like identifying why he didn't like you. Why do you and your mom want to know the reason? I have been getting rejection like my age/ height although the guy/ his family would already know these before coming to my place. These reasons are found out through middle party only since my mom doesn't call the guy/his family directly to know the answer and their reasons for rejection. The middle party (usually the rishta wali aunty) can comfortably call the guy's side, ask for their response and then convey these to my mom.
You need to work on multiple proposals simultaneously rather than waiting for the response for each proposal and thus wasting time.
You were NOT very keen initially on the proposal. So just stop thinking about it. Its a CLOSED chapter. Plenty of fish out there :D
Be strong. Its just the beginning.
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
no we were not gonna reject him...he should not lead anyone on like this...he came once before and when someone comes 2nd time...it normally does mean they are interested...right?
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
^
Why are you wasting your time thinking about someone who rejected you?
These things happen in arranged settings. Accept and move on.
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
you said YOU wanted to reject him.
anyway move on its just a rishta as ashy said you should look at multiple rishtas and not just one and don't call.
I thought the whole point of arrange settings is that you don't get too emotionally invested.
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
Thanks Ashy. You make it all sound really normal. It hasnt happened for me previously...all the previous guys have said yes and my parents got istekhara done,....n hd to say no to them...so i guess 'wht goes around comes around':(
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
Congratulations... Finally he got the courage to say NO and now you can move on.
Its human nature, if we get rejected by the person even whom we are already intending to reject, still we get hurt, because it strikes our ego.
I vaguely remember your last posts, all i remember that you were hanging in middle and were doubtful because of no response from guy's side. This is not how good relations start. Imagine, you would get committed to this guy and then you would be posting more questions in this forum regarding his absurd behaviors. Be thankful to Allah that you are saved ;)
Anyhow... Its very normal, you got nothing to be worried about, hopefully your prince charming would be wandering around you in disguise. lol
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
Thanks Ashy. You make it all sound really normal. It hasnt happened for me previously...all the previous guys have said yes and my parents got istekhara done,....n hd to say no to them...so i guess 'wht goes around comes around':(
Its very normal dear. Believe me, everything will go right in the case where the guy and you are meant to be together. To reach that right guy, you will need to pass through many wrong ones.
Jahan qismat main hoga, wahan per sab kuch theek hota jai ga.
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
Its very normal dear. Believe me, everything will go right in the case where the guy and you are meant to be together. To reach that right guy, you will need to pass through many wrong ones.
Jahan qismat main hoga, wahan per sab kuch theek hota jai ga.
"To reach the right person/guy, you will need to pass through many wrong ones" Is it some universal rule????
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
^
Its the rule in ARRANGED rishta setting :D
Very few lucky ones get the right person in the first rishta. People usually have to go through many rishtas before they find THE ONE.
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
^
Its the rule in ARRANGED rishta setting :D
Very few lucky ones get the right person in the first rishta. People usually have to go through many rishtas before they find THE ONE.
Ahh... in ARRANGED rishta settings.. i agree :)
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
their can be many reasons, so leave it, "Ashy2010" told u a golden rule if no contact is made that mean a Simple no or may be they have choice.....
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
their can be many reasons, so leave it, "Ashy2010" told u a golden rule if no contact is made that mean a Simple no or may be they have choice.....
There is NO golden rule in life. Everything in life depends upon situation and circumstances.
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
^ I am yet to hear a case where there was a positive response/ interest from the guy's side and they still kept quite. There are two possibilities they the guy's side make no contact. Either its a NO or they are looking for other options and might come back after few weeks/ months.
If they like a girl, they will get back. If not, they won't.
Its better NOT to ask for a response from the guy/ his family in order to keep the door open in case they want to come back after sometime after they have looked for other options. If msha22's mom did have called the guy, he might have come back after looking around and then making up his mind. Its sad but thats how things work in desi arranged rishta setting.
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
There is NO golden rule in life. Everything in life depends upon situation and circumstances.
Well its a long debate, what is golden rule or what is not, but something called is a common sense which is sadly not very common, hope u got my point
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
Help!Following my previous post… the guy did not ring for 2 weeks so the middle party said to my mum to call the guy and ask for an answer..however, my mum called him and he ws quite straight forward in sayin ‘no’ for the rishta..when my mum asked for a reason he made up a lame xcuse bout family priorities…didn’t he knw bout them before he came lukin for a girl to marry…I really feel bad now cz I feel my mum got insulted… and I feel rejected and betrayed…My mum and family thought he ws perfect…wht should I do now? How do I make myself feel confident? Im fed up of all these guys comin down, seeing girls and then sayin no with a lame reason….
Do you have a better solution to rishta process/ arranged marriages ?
This is all part of this rishta game, yes it is a game both parties play. You go in the field , you play sometime you win sometime you lose , once you lose you move on and start getting ready and prepare for the next round of the game with new team.
Re: Part 3: Should I say something?
yar, move on! i know its easier said than done but thats the only sane way to go about it. whats the use of saying anything to him? if he doesnt like you, he doesnt...you cant make anyone like you zabardasti! han, one thing is that if you think you or your family said or did anything which cud have offended him or his family, then you can clear that out. Otherwise no point in talking to him if he has already decided he is not interested.