Parents

Lifestyle Relationships
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This is a serious question no pun or sarcasm intended.

I lost my father when I was 6 or 7. My mother due to a tragic accident (in which I lost my father) was worse than Christopher Reeves or terri schiavo. So while I have a concept of parents( and being a parent), I dont have a recollection of parents, how they are how they treat … I was raised/spoiled by my grand parents. In other words my upbringing was not normal (PM with sarcasm later). My question is for guppies that have parents.
Question: How are parents in your lives? are they domineering? or as you grew up their dominance declined? are they very criticial of everything you do? do they constantly correct you or guide you? or do they give you a chance to fall down and learn on your own (obviously I am talking about a silly, harmless mistake).
Do your parents drive you bonkers?

Edit:
Added as afterthought.

What about married guppies that have kids? Do your parents try to tell you how to raise kids? Do they correct/ constructively criticize you for doing something wrong, and how do you guys take it. Times are different our parents (if I may) are from a different era, they dont have the stresses that we have, some of us are working couples, some try to raise kids differently, so how does that constructive criticism play in this scenario? How do you cope with it? Specially with in-laws you have to deal with another set, how does that work-out?

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Are you asking because you missed out on all that? :hehe:

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Sorry to hear bout your parents verizon, u missed out on a lot there.

My parents are a major part of my life. Everything from major decision making to how I should respond to minute situations at hand has their input. They don't make the laws for us rather lay it all out (pros/cons) let us decide. 98% of the time, we end up agreeing with them and the results are obvious.

Yes, they constantly correct us and provide reason for the correction. If still, we're persistent, they let us go and allow us to explore it ourselves.

I've noticed that they dont team up. If ammi has a valid point (which she almost always does), she'll just say so without abbu backing her up. However, if we disagree, Abbu ends up explaining it even further and vice versa.

I haven't had any serious problems with them having such a powerful role in my life and this is because they provide reason and the outcome almost always matches with their reasoning. Truly, they've taught me more than I could've ever learned on my own.

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My parents are like friends with us siblings. I am attached more to my mother as we spent more time with our mother as kids. Mom doesn't let us make mistakes and she's constantly watching over us and guiding us (not in an annoying way) but dad has the philosophy of "You'll find out how hot the fire is only when you burn your hand" and I like that philosophy. I make mistakes and I learn from them. My brothers don't make mistakes as my mom is there to remind them everything and they are learning this world slower than I did. They are pretty open minded but not to the extent where we get out of hands. But they don't drive us crazy. We still hold on to each other as a family.

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^^ :mash: thats beautiful. You have lovely parents, cherish them and never get angry or upset with them. God bless them.
LuxItem: :smiley: whatever you say.

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my parents, Allah bless them....have played a vital role in my upbringing.....
specially my mother.........she was quite strict when we were young....or may be we percieved her that way.....but i admit i couldn't be anywhere near good if she weren't there for me!!

having said that....i'm not like her when it comes to my kids....not totally different but not very same either....i'm more inclined to the theory of 'letting themselves decide' n in that regard i like the way X-commi described :)

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parents are bones on which children crave.

----> TimePass
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sorry to hear about ur parents V.

----> TimePass
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I lost my mother as a baby and have always had a volatile relationship with my stepmother to this day so I always convinced myself that I could never raise a child myself. Turns out I was wrong.

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Parents guide you on a path of your choosing, allowing you to fall into the potholes so you can learn of your mistake, get up, wipe yourself off and move on and are there to help you out of the larger ones. That's throughout life, mind you the younger you are the more "active guiding" they do and as you age it becomes passive. I thinks it's important for parents to allow their kids to stray off course so they may see what's out there, just don't tell them about the leash and GPS tracker you put on them. :)

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Verizon, just like you the Prophet (pbuh) didnt have parents either…and he was still more successful than any of us today who do have parents.

so having parents or not having them, isnt a big thing as people make it out to be. I would say I learnt more from my teachers/friends than I did from parents…so what I am today…is mostly due to certain people I met in life (apart from parents)…I guess u can call them teachers but they are not really teachers…but they are also more than friends (the people who I learnt most things from ) :slight_smile:

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your world->teachers->Friends->dependents

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aww :slight_smile:

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Edit: Moved this post to the beginning to give the post more substance.

Boss Panick Button
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verizon uncle, im very sorry to hear that. I don't think words can define how important parents are. (and then u see these guys kicking their parents out for some chokri off the street).

Anyways being a parent you can realize the intensity of ghe love between parent and child. And people who have that are very lucky.

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I'm so sorry to hear about your parents Verizon uncle. flowers

Question: How are parents in your lives? are they domineering?

To be quite honest, yes and no. No in the sense that they didn't want me to get married at 16 to the corner paanwala. No in the sense that they encouraged me to get educated and some worldly knowledge. But yes, in the sense that they have always tried to make a lot of my decisions. You see, despite the fact that I've survived fine on my own and learned from my mistakes, they still are afraid that I'll get kidnapped and raped when I go to work (although the environment is safe), they still think my street knowledge is zip-zero (and yet they don't let me do anything that can increase my street knowledge - again, because of the risk of rape), they tell me what schools to apply to and where to go (they control me by money), then they don't let me get a job to make money (because then they know I'll be independent), yet they want me to keep studying so I can make money in the future so that my husband can't manipulate me the way they do on a regular basis.

I'm sorry. I had a really tough night with my parents today. This is partial venting.

I really can go on forever.

or as you grew up their dominance declined?

Dominance declined. Before, I could not hang out with a friend unless my mom was with us. Yep, she followed us 2 feet behind us when we were at the mall, and she listened in on my phone conversations. As a result, I never bothered having a boyfriend, because they had me so wired in that there was really no way I could hide something like that.

Now, I have a car, and I can go around and do whatever I want. But I'm so used to not doing anything trashy with people, that I don't bother. So, now I have more freedom, but I basically don't use it.

Yeah...

are they very criticial of everything you do?

Yes, nothing I ever do is right. No matter how much I work my ass off, my sister gets more stuff than I do. Its very annoying, and very aggravating. I do the slightest thing wrong, and they jump on me. My father is now a heart patient, otherwise, I am so fed up with his actions especially this year, that I am THIS close to telling him to back off, otherwise I leave the house.

do they constantly correct you or guide you?

Yes, and half the time they don't know what guidance they speak of.

or do they give you a chance to fall down and learn on your own (obviously I am talking about a silly, harmless mistake).

Silly harmless stuff, yes. Big things, no. I am always intimidated by my father not to do something because of this and that. And as a result, the risks I should have taken in highschool, I didn't end up taking until my senior year of college.

For example, I was going to school in Miami, and basically I never took public transportation to South Beach if my life depended on it. Why? Because my dad had scared me into the horror stories of what could happen if I did. I took my roommate, as a graduation treat, out to South Beach and we took public transportation the entire way. Metro --> bus and then bus --> metro back. It was harmless as long as their is someone with you, especially if they are a bulky female jock.

I was SO frustrated. I saw most of Miami that I had not seen in my last 2 weeks as a college senior. I only regret that I didn't do it earlier and enjoy it more often.

Do your parents drive you bonkers?

Yes. I just don't talk to them much anymore. If I want to do something, I make arrangements and do it. If I need to go somewhere and I think it might be a shady neighborhood, I dont even bother telling my parents. I just call a friend to accompany me and we go.

And as a result, I take risks. And I certainly try hard not to listen to their nasty criticism anymore. Its just not worth it. They make me too miserable otherwise.

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note: My post is REALLY nasty. Pretty much because right now I'm VERY pissed at them for a lot of things. Otherwise, they're not THAT bad. But they are a source of a hell of a lot of trouble in my life, needlessly.

Vote for PAPACAMEL!
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so PCG: when you are pissed at your parents, how do you let them know your feelings... stay quite? talk back? argue?

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I argued with them tonite.

Because he's now a heart patient, I usually try to hold my tongue. Tonight, because of my sister's utter rudeness, and my parents not bothering to tell her to stop her crappy behavior, I did burst my seams so to speak.

My father just stayed quiet the whole time. I kinda feel bad about it. But after everything that's happened, I just HATE staying quiet about it.

Before his condition though, I argued back all the time. Burst my vein twice in two separate arguments from the rage. Also got beaten with a frying pan once which displaced some ligament in my elbow. I had to get the doctor to snap it back in place.

I got fed up with it, left home, went to college away from the home. But despite that, this past year they've pissed me off more than they ever did even in high school.

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my parents are quite protective of me. Am the eldest and have two younger siblings.. they usually get their way and hardly ever get told off for being rude or watever... i used to get really ticked off with my mum about it.. cus dad doesnt usually say much neways.. (he's mostly on my side).. but i figure, its only mums way of showing her love for me... i dont mind it. I think its cute..

oh, and mum does try to make decisions for me.. it doesnt bother me much... she's my mum.. she's smarter than me (most times neways)

I used to lose my cool.. but a few years ago i changed and its been pretty good since then