We have two kinds of relationships once we get married , our parents and siblings and our in laws , MIL , FIL , BIL , SIL etc
Why do we have lot of tolerance for parents or siblings and not for in laws ?
When parents or siblings criticize we listen to it and keep quite even if we do not agree. We do not feel as bad about it.
Why on the other hand a little criticism by in laws is not tolerated at all ?
It is true for any culture not limited to desi culture.
Also it is the other way around too, parents and siblings ignore so much when it comes to their sons and daughters or siblings but in laws do not let it go when something is wrong.
Why ?
Re: Parents VS In Laws.
Laws of nature I guess? Dunno.
We have two kinds of relationships once we get married , our parents and siblings and our in laws , MIL , FIL , BIL , SIL etc Why do we have lot of tolerance for parents or siblings and not for in laws ? When parents or siblings criticize we listen to it and keep quite even if we do not agree. We do not feel as bad about it. Why on the other hand a little criticism by in laws is not tolerated at all ? It is true for any culture not limited to desi culture. Also it is the other way around too, parents and siblings ignore so much when it comes to their sons and daughters or siblings but in laws do not let it go when something is wrong. Why ?
I have to disagree with the above...personally I always tell my family how I feel when I'm criticized about something. If I dont agree with what they said...I let them know and will argue about it. If I am upset or angry about something....you better believe the person who made me feel that way will know about it. I'm also pretty stubborn when it comes to my family. If I dont want to do something their way.....I wont!
However, I am not like this with others (ie friends, extended family etc). In fact I really dont see myself doing this with my in-laws at all. If anything...I think I'll be more patient and tolerant of them because I know that family is family no matter what. They will always love you in the end. They will get over the fueds and arguments but your in-laws on the other hand may not.
Mirch, when I read girls on here complaining about their in-laws...they seem tolerant and patient to me. Online they are complaining but it's not like they (most of them) have confronted their in-law about any issues. So isnt that being tolerant?
IMirch, when I read girls on here complaining about their in-laws...they seem tolerant and patient to me. On line they are complaining but it's not like they (most of them) have confronted their in-law about any issues. So isn't that being tolerant?
This is my general observation . I am not pointing out girls of GS in particular , I have also noticed girls here come with genuine issues with their in laws but there are many girls and in laws out there who are not on GS.
Yes there are exceptions too, there are very tolerant boys and girls and there are very tolerant in laws but there are not very many exceptions.
Re: Parents VS In Laws.
i agree with mirch wen she sed that girls are more patient with their in laws- only bcos they have no choice if they want their relationship to work & to avoid conflict...
i also agree with what angle sed...its soooo true wen ur family says something you dont like u fight back but it dsnt hurt as much as it would if the same comment came from ur in laws...
im not married yet but already i no that a bit of praise from ne member of husbands family makes me glow but if sumthing bad is sed it hurts soo much!! i really dont no y that is..
Re: Parents VS In Laws.
I think being quite and not confronting ur inlaws is not the same as being tolerant. Yes, you might not be saying anything in their face, but behind their backs you are backbitting them and feeling they are treating you wrongly. So no you are not being tolerant IMO. I'm not sure the same would be the case if it was UR family. You would most probably confront them instead of writting tales on Gs (just an example, dont kill :p )
I think the "problem" might be that girls take things said by their inlaws (strangers?) more seriously and find them more hurtful perhaps compared to if the same stuff were said by their family? An example would be if your mother corrects you in something, you wont mind it, because you are used to the "correcting" factor. But God forbid if your MIL corrects you then she is just the evil witch hehe :p
Some times I do think that our desi society does also play a part when it comes to the regular relationship with the inlaws. Normally no one expect the MIL to be nice and sweet with her DIL. Already from the start she is seen as an old witch who just wanna control her sons life and make her DIL's life miserable, but lets be realistic not all DILs are angels from heaven either .. although they would like to think so :p
i agree with mirch wen she sed that girls are more patient with their in laws-
He not she.:D:)
We have two kinds of relationships once we get married , our parents and siblings and our in laws , MIL , FIL , BIL , SIL etc Why do we have lot of tolerance for parents or siblings and not for in laws ? When parents or siblings criticize we listen to it and keep quite even if we do not agree. We do not feel as bad about it. Why on the other hand a little criticism by in laws is not tolerated at all ? It is true for any culture not limited to desi culture. Also it is the other way around too, parents and siblings ignore so much when it comes to their sons and daughters or siblings but in laws do not let it go when something is wrong. Why ?
On the contrary, i was more patient with my in laws than I was with my own family. But then again I knew it was a temporary situatoin but still i gave my 100% but that was not good enough. I dont' have any serious issues with them. When my parents and brother criticize, i do make a big fuss though. I see my brother acting a certain way towards me that hurts alot and i try to vocalize it but all attempts have failed and nobody understands. I can't say how it is between parents and their bahus/damads b/c i am not on that side.
On the contrary,** i was more patient with my in laws** than I was with my own family. But then again I knew** it was a temporary situatoin but still i gave my 100%** but that was not good enough. I dont' have any serious issues with them. When my parents and brother criticize, i do make a big fuss though. I see my brother acting a certain way towards me that hurts alot and i try to vocalize it but all attempts have failed and nobody understands. I can't say how it is between parents and their bahus/damads b/c i am not on that side.
temporary situation? u mean u dont live with ur in-laws? hmm...lucky girl! ;)
Re: Parents VS In Laws.
Ha ha if u only knew :p
Re: Parents VS In Laws.
Hmm these in law threads are kind of scaring me. My husband comes from a huge and I mean 50 peole living in the same area huge khandaan and my mom gave me golden advice which I would recommend to other gals as well and that is to talk only when necessary and keep your opinions/comments to yourself if it doesn't concern you!
Re: Parents VS In Laws.
I live w/ my in-laws, and things are not always great...i have to ignore a lot of stuff which they say to me, sometimes I get hurt too. Why can’t the in-laws understand dat theres this grl who just came and started living w/ the family, has left her parents, started a new life…why can’t they be polite?...before i got married I had a very bad temper. I always did wut i felt was right…lived my life my way. Now…I’m a complete different person…no more ghussa….no nutting…I’ve really changed myself…when u start living w/ ur in-laws, i bet there is not 1 single DIL who doesn't have hard time dealing w/ the in-laws...but how much can u complain to ur husband. I guess dats just going to make things worse between u two...especially when ur husband is a mama's boy...i guess this is when Allah gives u strength to tolerate taunts and bad behaviors…on top of it ur husband doesn’t give u time…or literally gets mad/start shouting at u for things dat don’t even make sense…sometimes life is so perfect when ur SINGLE!
I live w/ my in-laws, and things are not always great...i have to ignore a lot of stuff which they say to me, sometimes I get hurt too. Why can’t the in-laws understand dat theres this grl who just came and started living w/ the family, has left her parents, started a new life…why can’t they be polite?...before i got married I had a very bad temper. I always did wut i felt was right…lived my life my way. Now…I’m a complete different person…no more ghussa….no nutting…I’ve really changed myself…when u start living w/ ur in-laws, i bet there is not 1 single DIL who doesn't have hard time dealing w/ the in-laws...but how much can u complain to ur husband. I guess dats just going to make things worse between u two...especially when ur husband is a mama's boy...i guess this is when Allah gives u strength to tolerate taunts and bad behaviors…on top of it ur husband doesn’t give u time…or literally gets mad/start shouting at u for things dat don’t even make sense…sometimes life is so perfect when ur SINGLE!
Well Single life is best or 1 cant live without their parents speically men so much probls in live single rahoo taab masla in late ages shahdi kar loo tub masla aur mohabbat kar loo tu bhut hi maslaa lolzz
Re: Parents VS In Laws.
my mum has given me the same advice...in one ear out the other, don't talk wen u dont need to, ignore ignore ignore, patience, b strong blah blah blah... its scaring the hell out of me... im going to be living with my in laws & as the shadi date gets closer im getting more worried as i can see myself struggling...i hv a big gob in the sense that wen something isnt right i say it (in a nice way ofcourse) but mum sed im not allowed to do that either!
im very considerate of other peoples feelings..so i hope my in laws are the same.. back to the topic... i think that our culture has always given the impression that the MIL is evil & that there is friction between in laws & the DIL (i blame star plus dramas).. so we expect it & as girls try their best to fit in to the new environment they are very sensitive to criticism, however big or small it may be.
(sorry mirch!)
Hmm these in law threads are kind of scaring me. My husband comes from a huge and I mean 50 peole living in the same area huge khandaan and my mom gave me golden advice which I would recommend to other gals as well and that is to talk only when necessary and keep your opinions/comments to yourself if it doesn't concern you!
Goshness! I can never only talk when its necessary. lol. Thank god I'm still a bachi yet..
We have two kinds of relationships once we get married , our parents and siblings and our in laws , MIL , FIL , BIL , SIL etc Why do we have lot of tolerance for parents or siblings and not for in laws ? When parents or siblings criticize we listen to it and keep quite even if we do not agree. We do not feel as bad about it. Why on the other hand a little criticism by in laws is not tolerated at all ? It is true for any culture not limited to desi culture. Also it is the other way around too, parents and siblings ignore so much when it comes to their sons and daughters or siblings but in laws do not let it go when something is wrong. Why ?
There are a lot of assumptions in this post.
I still don't understand why people compare relationships that are really incomparable to begin with.
Alhamdulillah, my in laws are really really great with me! I love to go for sum shopping with my MIL,we'r always talkin abt fashion, upcoming shaadis... such superficial things. I'm really close to her! She doesn't want me to do a lot of kaam, she's always tellin her daughters to do the kaam. Even my SIL are just soooo sweet with me! I'm sooo blessed!
Hope that it'll be like that forever inshallah
Re: Parents VS In Laws.
parents are parents...nobody can take their place in our hearts...while inlaws are our husbands parents...we can respect and love them but can never replace them with our parents...thats how nature works i guess....
^ Totally agree, my hubby told me if u live with my mom for 10 or 15 years u will love her more than your mother, I replied thats impossible, my mom is my mom, if I live away from her but there is still lots of love in my heart for my mother, I love and respect my in-laws but they never took place of my parents.
Alhamdulillah, my in laws are really really great with me! I love to go for sum shopping with my MIL,we'r always talkin abt fashion, upcoming shaadis... such superficial things. I'm really close to her! She doesn't want me to do a lot of kaam, she's always tellin her daughters to do the kaam. Even my SIL are just soooo sweet with me! I'm sooo blessed! ** Hope that it'll be like that forever inshallah**
y? r u planning 2 leave u r country nd settle in gujrat/lahore? if i were u id never do that. but thats just me...