Is it possible NOT to show favouritism towards one child ? Just curious.
My parents had their only son 13 years after they got married so naturally, it is only to be expected that they would show favouritism towards the future ‘heir’ of the household, to put it one way. What if a family had had, for example, four sons first and THEN one daughter? Would that daughter get spoiled and pampered as well ? Is this feeling common amongst parents ? Is it possible to even stop yourself from feeling that way ? To the parents on gupshup - do you feel guilty when you realize inside yourself that you are showing favouritism towards one particular child - whether it’s based on gender, or because that child is more intellectually gifted, or maybe won a trophy for some achievement in sports and the other child(ren) didn’t - do you ever feel guilty about it? Do you even admit to yourself, as difficult as it may be, that you have showed favouritism in the past towards one child over the other ?
actually i donot have children yet. my parents never did so... but with my chacha i realized that it seems he loves his son more then his 3 daughters.. my cousin use to come to me and tell me No matter wut we r doing Soheil is more important for Abbu.. she is 16 years now and i can understand that she has such feelings, but imagine my little cousin Vazeeqa is only 6 years and she also use to say.. Baji u know abbu loves soheil more then me... i think its so bad and wrong if parents love one child more then the other...
Jiya Thanks for your response My family is also 3 daughters first and then a son.
i don’t know IF it had been the other way around - 3 sons first and then a daughter, would the only daughter have been pampered and spoiled as well. Or is it only for the son ?
Xara, Sadly i THINK it is… i think so, but i could be wrong.
i think parents will never agree that they r doin such things...
in my case my parents never did anythink like love once more than another . we r two sisters and then one elder brother and one younger,,, but my father always use to say to my brohers,, care for ur both sister because one day they go away will leave us alone ,and he us to to say as well ur sister shuld remember the time with us as the greatest in life.
But i think specially in Pakistan some parents still think that family is only completed with a son
>>....some parents still think that family is only completed with a son<<
Yes. And i think it's natural for parents to feel this way... maybe they are not able to stop themselves from showing favouritism towards one child. Maybe it doesn't mean they love the others less, it's just that they want certain aspects to be fulfilled - like having a male child would fulfil the 'problem' of inheritance/heir, and also they have someone to live with in their elderly years, etc. So i guess it's very natural and very human to feel that way. It doesn't justify it necessarily, and neither is it such a horrible thing. It's just another complex aspect to human behaviour.
IF i ever have children, i would always try never ever to do that to them, though.
in our village in pak,, there was a man who had six daughters,, and then he got divorced from his wife because he wanted to have sons... the whole village and also his own family was against him and now he is living in some other place with his new wife and little DAUGHTER
That reminds me. Biologically speaking, i think it is the male's body that decides the chromosome of the child. It's the female who contributes the Y chromosome, but it's the male who contributes either the X or the Y chromosome. So child gender is actually determined by the father's body, not the mother's. Someone should correct me if i am wrong.
u r absolutely right with that.. but i think that most desi people donot know abt this..and think the sex of the child depends on the mother ..But that Wrong
as far as loving a boy over a girl is concerned.. it depends on how ure folks have been brought up... if they come from a family where men are thought to be superior to women then that thinking wont die down until someone steps and says "enough"... in our family girls and boys are treated as equals.. if son goes to private co-ed school so does the daughter.. both are taught ways of the household (cleaning, cooking so as not to make it look like women are born only to tend to them (men).. their opinions mean just as much as the guys etc) .. hehe actually i think in our family girls are more liked cuz they are thought to be more sincere, loyal, loving and everything nice to the parents (if not more than the boys)
i also think its the woman(mother) who has to step up and make sure that her daughters are treated well.. i dont know why women put their daughters down and not the son... its like girls are the root of all evil.. hello.. u not a woman? (something bout aurat hi aurat ki sub say bari dushman hai)...
where favoring a kid over other sibilngs is concerned, cuz they may be more intelligent, kind, caring etc... i dont know... mom has never differentiated between us siblings.. she has had reasons to hate my kid bro cuz of all the times he has seroiusly messed up.. but i guess mothers can't choose one of her jigar ka tukra over the other :D.. atleast mine doesnt.... dads on the other may be a different story.. they will love all their kids the same but i do think they will prefer one's company more than the other's. like my dad prefers talkin to me and my kid bro more than my older bro or kid sis but that's cuz we talk a lot and like to share our views.. my older bro likes to sit alone in a room with his baby (laptop) clickin away... i think with dads its a give and take...
we were three brothers..there was no favoritism per se shown to anybody. But I guess my parents longed for a daughter because they used to shower more-than-necessary affection on my female cousins.
when my sis-in-law was pregnant everyone in the family was hoping it would be a girl..and it was a girl..My sis-in-laws father was very upset that it was a girl which we found amusing...
but my relatives from my village are very rudimentary in these thoughts..status of a person in the village is directly proportional to how many male hiers he can sire..which is very disappointing to say the least..
ive seen cases of parents favouring boys over the their daughters
i think its so sad that they could behave like this, all theyre children should be loved equally, each one is an individual they need to look at carefully
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*Originally posted by Nadia_H: *
What if a family had had, for example, four sons first and THEN one daughter? Would that daughter get spoiled and pampered as well ? Is this feeling common amongst parents ?
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My Chacha has 3 sons and a daughter...daughter being the yougest. Shes not spoiled.....but pampered..oh yea!
Hmmm...........I think it really depends on the mentality of the parents. We are two sisters and a youngest bro and I dont think my dad ever favoured him more than us. My mother does that sometimes, but still my dad spoils me and my sis a lot so its okay :P And even my mother, she doesnt do anything outrageous, just little things sometimes that dont really bother me.
I have seen in my family with other people too: sure they want sons, but I havent seen anyone favour there daughters over sons. Generally they are more strict with the sons and spoil the daughters.So it must be the mentality of the parents/family.
Interesting topic Nadia. Parents don't usually admit that they are biased towards a single child even if they are. In my family and in most of my relatives' familes there is no favourtism based on gender but based on who is the most obedient child and doesn't speak up against what the parents say or do. I am not a favourite :D
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*Originally posted by jiya215: *
i think parents will never agree that they r doin such things...
in my case my parents never did anythink like love once more than another . we r two sisters and then one elder brother and one younger,,, but my father always use to say to my brohers,, care for ur both sister because one day they go away will leave us alone ,and he us to to say as well ur sister shuld remember the time with us as the greatest in life.
But i think specially in Pakistan some parents still think that family is only completed with a son
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Hi Jiya.
Yes in Pakistan some PPlz still think your family is complete if
you've 1 son.
That's such a nonsense i always think what God give me is a Great
gift no matter if it is a Boy or a Girl.
Only what i care is that God give me a healthy baby.
I don't have kids yet , and my mother in law told me
once 1 boy is must then the family is complete i feel so angry
at her but say nothing.
And my Parents in law always say to me may God give you a Son!
Never said May God give you a Healthy Baby.
Kabhi muje bohot tension hote hai yeh soch kar ke agar farz karo
mere paas 2 larkiyaan hongey they will force me to have another child.
Oh yes, There definitely is. When I was about to enter this world, my parents wanted a girl after a row of sons. Actually my mom was so sure she was gonna have a girl that she made all girly things. So I was kind of a disappointment.
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*Originally posted by funguy: *
Oh yes, There definitely is. When I was about to enter this world, my parents wanted a girl after a row of sons. Actually my mom was so sure she was gonna have a girl that she made all girly things. So I was kind of a disappointment.
I have never been loved.
Someone, please take me.
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Hmm.. Funguy you make a joke na that you say take me? lolz.
My family is also 3 daughters first and then a son.