Recently I had a friend whose parent passed away. I can’t stop thinking about my dad passing away since then. He was my dad’s age. Like every night I go to bed and it just comes to me, and I end up crying myself to sleep every night. Did that ever happen to you?
Like just a few weeks ago, it used to bother that my dad would call me 15 times if I didn’t pick up my phone that minute…now it makes me relieved, and I shudder at the thought the one day my dad isn’t able to call me 5 times a day to makes sure I’m alive.
sigh..i wish my dad was younger so I could have had him longer.
I think it happens to most people. You don't think of it much as a kid/teenager. As you grow older, the thought strikes from time to time. It has made me cry as well at random times. I know the friend you're talking of....it had me upset for a few days. But I've thought about this issue even before her father passed away. Alhumdolillah she has a strong family. She and her older siblings will be support their mom and each other.
Sometimes I think that just imagining it is painful enough......and I wonder how people cope with the actuality of it. I argue with my parents from time to time....sometimes they annoy me...but they're among the best blessings that Allah has given me and I thank Him for them. It's said that when you thank Allah for what He's given you, He increases your blessings. You imagine losing your parents and you think you've lost the only people that love you so unconditionally in the world. Reminds me of how my friend once said that you have to prove yourself to all other relations (spouse, friends, coworkers, boss, etc)......with your parents....even if you disappoint them, they won't disown you. Now that I'm older, I understand better why Allah has given parents such an elevated status, they do so much and put up with so much from us...and don't abandon us. And it makes me reflect over the saying that Allah loves us (His oft-erring servants) more than a mother loves her child. The thought that He loves us more than our parents brings some comfort.
Wishing your dad was younger......doesn't necessarily mean that you'll have him longer. Parents can pass away at a younger age (20s, 30s, 40s, 50s) as well. It's good to be able to realize your mistakes and keep your behavior toward them in check. Worrying about tomorrow (which none of us know about) can prevent us from enjoying the moments we do have with our loved ones. So cliche.....easier said than done........but so true.
yeah, it was just a total shock for me. i never thought my dad's age was old. Not like dying old anyways. and then i thought about how much softer he's become, and that made me even more sadder...you know how they "as the arteries grow hard, the heart grows soft"...my dad was so much more sterner, forbidding, no-laughter and very authoritative figure. and i miss that so much!
And i get so happy when I see a 70 year old really with it...and what makes me even sadder is that there are not many, and in six years my dad will be 70.
I think i need to go to sleep and stop thinking abt it.
I hate to be harsh but you need to accept that it will happen. Fretting over it now has no value unless you do something about it, which is spending more time with your parents. Even a conversation over the phone means more now than it did some 20 years ago because the change in relationships and that our parents depend on us a lot more.
It is not a pretty thing to think of their demise, but it is a very horrible aspect of reality that one has to accept. Just be happy they are still alive and you aren't in one of those stages where your parents were taken from you at the age of 10 or something.
I am basically saying look at the glass as half full instead of half empty.
Truth is that we take our parents for granted most of the time unless we have them . But once we are away then we feel it . Ironic but true . May Allah make our hearts softer . Ameen .
I hate to be harsh but you need to accept that it will happen. Fretting over it now has no value unless you do something about it, which is spending more time with your parents. Even a conversation over the phone means more now than it did some 20 years ago because the change in relationships and that our parents depend on us a lot more.
It is not a pretty thing to think of their demise, but it is a very horrible aspect of reality that one has to accept. Just be happy they are still alive and you aren't in one of those stages where your parents were taken from you at the age of 10 or something.
I am basically saying look at the glass as half full instead of half empty.
Great advice. I don't understand why you would keep thinking of your parents passing away...it's bound to happen one day and death is predestined. Sometimes a child passes away before the parents. Sometimes kids lose their parents at a young age. You never know when death awaits you and there is no point in worrying and losing sleep over it.
Use this time wisely and savour each moment with your parents. Give them time, be there for them, take care of them so that when they do pass away you fondly reminisce your time with them and not have any regrets. Death is the only thing that is inevitable in life. Stressing over it just makes you seem like an ostrich who keeps its head in the sand and refuses to face reality.
You never know, you might go away from this dunya before your older siblins or parents or grandparents.... Angel of death doesn't wait for anyone.
Our parents are not ours, they belong to Allah just like every creation, they will return to Him. We should be happy that someone has now gone back to Allah, away from this dunya. Not forgetting to pray for them every chance we get..! :)
** inna lillahi wa inna ilahi raji'un** "We certainly belong to Allah, and to Him we are bound to return."
Aww, I can totally relate to these fears! As a kid, my cousin-friend who was my age lost her mom to cancer and I was 8 at the time and I didn't know how it developed but I developed a phobia of losing my mom. I'd never let her go anywhere alone, cry myself to sleep and wait till she was asleep and i'd go check to see if she was still breathing by hugging her or using my finger and placing it under her nose to check if I could feel her breathing. =/
Thank god it went away after 6 months or so but I can totally relate. A death of a friend's parent can def. trigger something like this. Not fun.
:(
This has happened to two of my close friends and it honestly hit me really hard, I've cried myself to sleep many times over this. Then I realised how morbid I was being and like what CM said we have to prepare ourselves for these things and be greatful for every second we have with them. It won't make it any easier but atleast we can spend as much time with our parents as possible, treating them with the love and respect they deserve.
It might sound a bit harsh. When our parents are around, we don't even want to think of their death as a possibility. We want to believe that everything will always stay the same, they will always be around us. My father's death was an eye opener for me. I realized that things change, this is how it is meant to be, this is the natural progression of life. His death sort of shattered the shell I had created around myself for keeping me away from the bitter reality of life. After his death I have been paranoid about my mother, but slowly I came to this realization that she will move on to the next life as well. And, unpleasant as it may sound, I would rather see her pass away and bury her, than to have her see me pass away. I know I can cope with her death, but I don't know if she can cope with mine.
We all are moving towards our graves, one after the other. Our parents had to see their parents' death, we will see our parents death, and this progression will go on. What matters is how we treat them while they are with us, taking care of them and spending time with them. And then keeping their memory alive by praying for them.
I hear you.
I always envy my brothers(9-10 years older then me), that they had parents for 10 years more them I and little brothers :hinna:
My dad had me when he was in his 50s, But to him, he never missed a single day
of his work out. As a results he lived 20 more then any of my other friends parent. With no grumpy signs of being old
I miss him :hinna:
Miss him :hinna:
To brother CM and Janwer::
Good points. But you can’t change kids by telling them to change. I saw this trend in our home too.
Brothers did not appreciate dad much in their teens. But after getting into practical life, they knew what they had… so they adored my dad.
And once they had their own kids.. they just loved my dad to death.
to him, he never missed a single day