Why do I get the feeling they are out to shoot down all that I dream of and want. Shouldn’t it suffice them if I am happy with it? Why does everything have to fit their standard of normacy.. or the society’s standard of “right living”.
It is so obvious.. parents care more about the culture,society and **** than their kids. Whatever happened to parents striving for their kid’s happiness..
And NO.. I am not being a snob. I am not blinded by anything. Not a teen anymore, I know what is right and what is not for me. And they know it too, they just choose to be indifferent about it. My happiness stands last on their list of priorities.
^
Yeah, just waiting for that. Can't think of moving out with a job that pays less than 7 dollars an hour( which I don't have ) And I am not into flipping burgers anways.
Well my personal opinion is at what 18 you know jack **** about the world. You grow up as a desi kid in a protective and secluded environment. You dont really know how the world works or how people are.
Your parents do. You as a girl have to accept that everything you do will be judged by society because of gender. It is not gonna change unless people change themselves. People in our society back bite and gossip with a vengenance.
You are just being stubborn. You refuse to see what good it could have for you, as you want it badly. I suggest you think about what your parents have done for you before you shoot them down in "public".
Your parents do. You as a girl have to accept that everything you do will be judged by society because of gender. It is not gonna change unless people change themselves. People in our society back bite and gossip with a vengenance.
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You agree to it that the people are at fault here, and yet expect ME to change?
This is what I hate most about our fudged up culture. Women are expected to behave in a certain pattern.. Any behavior outside the pattern is viewed with suspicion. Why should I give a crap as long as I know I am not doing anything wrong. I expect my parents to support me, which apparently is too much to ask of them.
Yeah they have done a lot. But don't all parents have to do it? I mean, it is their duty. Why should I feel special if they have provided me with a home, education etc? Isn't it an instinct in human beings to care and nurture for their young ones.. Big whoop, they are providing me with food and clothing..maybe they are scared what the "society" might say if they leave me to die on my own.
[QUOTE]
This is what I hate most about our fudged up culture. Women are expected to behave in a certain pattern.. Any behavior outside the pattern is viewed with suspicion. Why should I give a crap as long as I know I am not doing anything wrong. I expect my parents to support me, which apparently is too much to ask of them.
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First of all its not just our culture, every freakin culture expects women to bahave in a certain way, so stop shooting at our culture just because u have to deal with it.
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Yeah they have done a lot. But don't all parents have to do it? I mean, it is their duty. Why should I feel special if they have provided me with a home, education etc? Isn't it an instinct in human beings to care and nurture for their young ones.. Big whoop, they are providing me with food and clothing..maybe they are scared what the "society" might say if they leave me to die on my own.
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To answer ur second question "NO" ur parents don't have to do a S*** for you, just like u said you r not a F***ing kid so if you think u r all grown up, why don't you take care of ur mess and leave them alone. all the money that parents spend on their kids they can spend that on themselves. Before balming your parents for everything think about what u have done for them, nothing compared to what they have done for you.
I can go on and on about explaing this to you, but i think i'll stop here.
Btw how old are u 18, 19 honey u need a lot growing up to do b4 u can understand life and the purpose of life. no hard feelings :)
rimsh, take it easy yaar. I am sure CB appreciates what her parents have done for her. I think she doesn't like it when they make her do or not do certain things because of the "loag" factor. And I sort of agree with her on that. These frikkin "loag" can make life tough for families. I think it's time parents start caring more for the well being of the children than these other people.
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[QUOTE] Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
You agree to it that the people are at fault here, and yet expect ME to change?*
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The issue isnt change. But rather to understand and try to accomdate both issues.
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[QUOTE] Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
This is what I hate most about our fudged up culture. Women are expected to behave in a certain pattern.. Any behavior outside the pattern is viewed with suspicion. Why should I give a crap as long as I know I am not doing anything wrong. I expect my parents to support me, which apparently is too much to ask of them. *
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Hey what you think is right doesnt mean it is. You are a kid. An 18 year old girl. You know jack **** about the world compared to your parents. Maybe give them some credit. Even if you dont give a crap about society, they for some reason give a crap about you. So you gotta deal with it whether you want to or not.
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[QUOTE] Originally posted by Chandbeti: *
Yeah they have done a lot. But don't all parents have to do it? I mean, it is their duty. Why should I feel special if they have provided me with a home, education etc? Isn't it an instinct in human beings to care and nurture for their young ones.. Big whoop, they are providing me with food and clothing..maybe they are scared what the "society" might say if they leave me to die on my own.
[/QUOTE]
*
You know what? You are a spoiled ungrateful brat. No it isnt their duty. They dont have to do it. They do it because they care. They do it because they want to. If you feel it is their duty you havent seen the more dysfunctional families. Parents who dont care what their child does no provide them with the basics required.
You are just another spoiled kid who hasnt matured out of the 3 year old "i want this now mommy" phase.
sorry if i was too hard CB, its just that i’ve been hearing about the same probs for over a decade now, and it really ticks me off that girls don’t really do anything about it other than just complain, all they have to do is just talk to their parents, and tell them that they don’t care about the “loag” and trust me they will understand:)
CB don’t hit urself too hard, u’ll know what to do when u’ll be a couple of years older
CB They didn't HAVE to do all that for you. All parents want the best for their children but it doesnt mean that the children start taking eveyrhting for granted. You rely on them for pretty much everything right now. Be grateful they didn;t kick you out at 18 to go and earn your own living and deal with your own issues. Can't think of moving out with a job that pays less than 7 dollars an hour( which I don't have ) And I am not into flipping burgers anways. Look how you rely on them. They could have you flip burgers and take up some if not all costs of your education. If you are so sure of yourself go on and move out. Don't live in their house, eating their food, driving in their cars, watching their tv, off of their money. Obviously they are providing you with the luxuries that you can no longer live without. If you want your way move out and take responsiblity instead of hating them while living under their roof. You have it all that is why you find it easy to take it all for granted.
Well sometimes you think that you are right, what you are doing is perfect and rest of the world is wrong even your parents and they are making your life miserable. Sometimes yes I agree that you feel uncomfortable when parents argue over things and don’t want you to be the way you want to be but I believe that parents are never wrong (most of the time). What they do is for yourself and for your benefit. And at this stage you cannot realize this thing.
Plus; I didn’t like the way you said:
*Yeah they have done a lot. But don't all parents have to do it? I mean, it is their duty. Why should I feel special if they have provided me with a home, education etc? *<<
I definitely agree with CM here that parents care for you, it’s NOT their duty to fulfill your needs. NO, they do it because they LOVE you. Come on girl what happened to you? How can you even think like that? I am surprised!
some generations of parents do have a mental disorder :)
They do **** for you, but if they need something, they claim parenthood :o
ticks me off, everything comes from 2 sides, not one.
but have to agree with CM, 98 % of pakistani and indian peeple are backbiters, no matter how close they are, or pretend to be :D
but I give **** about these kinda peepls, they can say whatever they like :biggthumb
i agree with CM, it isn’t their duty… you think it is their duty to provide for you because that is how it is in our culture. you may feel suffocated by their protectiveness today, but i’m sure years down the line you will appreciate it for the lessons you didn’t have to learn the hard way.
you may think something is right for you today, but if your parents are denying you something, it’s prolly because they feel it is wrong for you, not because they don’t care.
My happiness stands last on their list of priorities.
you can say that when they abandon you.
i know you’re just venting, but think over it with a cool mind, and i’m sure you’ll be able to do the right thing. feel better soon
Taking a wild guess here: If this has to do with you wanting to study art and your parents wanting you to go into traditional 'desi' careers of medicine, engineering/business .... then your anger is not surprising. I've seen too many instances where a child's dreams are squashed due to parents pushing them in other directions ... primarily due to wanting their kids to live up to desi standards and not giving others the in the community the opportunity to raise their eyebrows and criticize.
Khair, you should provide more details on how exactly your parents are being unfair .... otherwise you will get responses like CMs.
First of all its not just our culture, every freakin culture expects women to bahave in a certain way, so stop shooting at our culture just because u have to deal with it.
To answer ur second question "NO" ur parents don't have to do a S*** for you, just like u said you r not a F***ing kid so if you think u r all grown up, why don't you take care of ur mess and leave them alone. all the money that parents spend on their kids they can spend that on themselves. Before balming your parents for everything think about what u have done for them, nothing compared to what they have done for you.
I can go on and on about explaing this to you, but i think i'll stop here.
Btw how old are u 18, 19 honey u need a lot growing up to do b4 u can understand life and the purpose of life. no hard feelings :)
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Rimsh honey: I was talking relatively. I think the women in western coutries have it better than women back home. Won't u agree?
And what mess are ya talking about hun? I don't think I have made any mess and even if I had done it, won't expect my parents to clean it up.
Yeah parents have done a lot for me, coz it is the natural order. I couldn't have gone out to make money and pay for their expenses when I was in diapers or even in high school. Don't even try to give me the "parents have done so much for u" routine.
And honey, you think I am that neurotic or stupid to hit my head against the wall before having that "talk"? I sure have talked to them, talking, crying, slamming doors, not eating.. eveything has been done. :)
So, you all think I am being a brat huh. Well, if I am being one..I have my reasons. Parents have done a lot etc I know, but that doesn't give them the right to make life changing decisions for me when I am just going to unhappy about it all. They don't have to turn down things just because the society might point frikkin fingers and what not.
Mehnaz: Yeah, Mom was furious when she came to know I was going to take up art, but that was long back, during my 10th grade. There have been other issues too, like me wanting to go to a good school in Ny. They denied it coz apparently "little girls shouldn't stay away from home" I mean what the **** is that?! Many times I had to back off from my decisions because of their pressure. They play it dirty. Start emotional drama and blackmailing. There is this one major thing which I wud choose not to disclose here, which has hurt me deeply. I mean. I can't seem to get over it.
And they did it, just for the fear of society, which makes me more bitter about it all.
hey cb, why did u leave so fast? U sounded like u had troubles or something.
well about bout w******, he didnt mean it, and besides that, peeple keep saying things sometimes they dont even know they can/are hurting someone
so please dont mind him, he s a nice fellow.
but are you upset because of annything else maybe? I saw your thread at gs, ahinnnn what was it ........ ow yes life departement.
like I said: some generations of parents do have a mental disorder, they cant help it. They just got stuck a 100 years ago, and dunno how evolution works.
but You ll do fine, i think your a smart kid, things will turn out allright. Maybe not now, but eventually they will.
So take it easy, and take is easy, being upset is bad for the brains AND bloodpressure, and take it from some one who knows
Goodluck and Allah Hafiz,
p.s. If you wanna talk or something, I m a selfmade parttime shrink (j/k)
if not, talk about with some friend. It helps alot
sorry if i was too hard CB, its just that i’ve been hearing about the same probs for over a decade now, and it really ticks me off that girls don’t really do anything about it other than just complain, all they have to do is just talk to their parents, and tell them that they don’t care about the “loag” and trust me they will understand:)