So Alhumdulliah I got my nikkah done, and so I am officially married. Rusksakti will be in couple of years. Although this was a love marraige, and my parents and his parents were very supportive of us. They were very happy and still are. So when I was engaged to him, my parents didn’t like the idea that I spoke to him everyday- it was understandable, but now since I am married my mom and dad do not like us talking everyday. And I do not understand it. I am married under Allahs eyes, so why cannot I speak to him everyday? What’s wrong with that. We are in different countries, which makes communication difficult, but we talk/chat via internet. I told my mom clearly mom he’s my husband so why cannot talk to him. When we all went to Pakistan to have our nikkah done, my mom wouldnt let him and I go out for dinner alone!! She’s like no its not right etcc.. and one time my khala said nahi agr nikkah hogeyah hai phr be shaitaan saat hotah hai!! Im like what???
Although my parents are very supportive of their children, and educated, why are they behaving like this? My husband is very kind, and when I talk to him lets say over the phone… my mom would come in the room and be like “oh wow aj phr baat kere ho, itna sar pe charaker mat use racko”, and he hears it… and he doesnt say anything, cause he doesnt want to hurt my feelings. Today this happened as well, and he actually said it to me that why don’t your parents like it when we talk to each other. And I had no answer to his question. How do I explain to my parents that I am married, and there is no harm in talking with my husband. They have no obejection to this marraige, they tease me about him and stuff jokingly, they love the fact that we are together, but why don’t they let us talk??? how do I explain to them?
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
I think they have fears that too much communication will cause petty arguments and thus break you guys up. I'm not saying that they're right - it's just a possible explanation for how they feel. But alhamdullilah they've supported you this far, so don't let this issue cause things to tense up now. If they are the type that you can calmly talk to, then talk to them politely about it. Perhaps reach a compromise - ok not everyday, then how about every other day, or every third day. And maybe you can be sensitive about it too - don't deliberately call him in their presence. Ignore your khala, yes of course you are legitemately married. But just try to manage the sitiuation calmy with your parents - you don't want to provoke them or give them reason not to support you.
As for your husband, I think you can give him the explanation I gave you and ask him not to mind it. I don't think it should be a big issue. Perhaps you can communicate more via the internet than via the phone - your parents don't need to know every single time you chat to him online right?
This is a weird situation? In the eyes of god you are now legit!
Unless they are taking your marriage as a joke, and not seriously?
Remind your parents that they were newly weds and to respect your privacy like people did theirs. Perhaps they are doing it becos of Ramadan? But there us no harm in talking? You are man and wife! They are officially no longer your caretakers if you will, your a grown married woman!
You should say you are outraged by such mockery and that they should respect your actions as a adult. Don't say your hurt - say outraged!
I often do the thing that annoys my parents, to make a point - that they cannot control every aspect of my life - this is much more severe - they need a dose of reality! You need hit the point home that your now married and they need get real. The way they acting is like your a bunch of 15 year olds who got caught in the act of kissing or something!
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
I think they need to lighten up a bit. It's true that in our society people take rukhsati as the final thing which is completely wrong and they fear awkward pregnancies before rukhsati and people would love to gossip. But in your case, such a fear should obviously not be there as you both are like countries apart.
However maybe your mother is worried that communication b/w you two could lead to
1. misunderstandings
2. arguments with the potential to turn big
3. unwanted or misinterpreted notions
4. extreme dependence or closeness which would be hard to handle since you both won't be getting married soon
5. or maybe just over-possessiveness
If you try talking to her in a practical mature way and ask her as to what her fears maybe. Then just calmly and patiently eliminate all her unsaid notions and fears. That should work. But no flaring up or getting all emotional :)
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
^ @PinkOrchids; As much as she is legitemately married and her parents are in the wrong, talking like that to them isn't really going to help. Especially considering they do suppport the marriage. It's just a matter of ill founded fears - if she handles it maturely I don't see it becoming a big problem in her relationship with her parents nor with her husband.
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
You need to find someone who has influence over your mum to explain to her that you’re married now and it’s your right to speak to your husband, go out with him and do whatever else you want to do.. I have a feeling tho that her not wanting to leave the two of you alone together was cos she was scared you might end up pregnant before rukhshati and cause some sort of cultural ‘scandal’ 
Maybe princess but she needs establish she’s married to her parents and a big girl now. Aldo talk of pregnancies - I’ve never heard of immaculate conception over the phone?
Maybe I have been ill advised? 
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
I was just referring to the bit where she mentioned mum wouldn’t let her go out to dinner alone with him in Pakistan.. Also 2yrs till rukhshati so I’m guessing there are going to be plenty more situations like this coming up..
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
your parents are wrong NOT to let you talk to the guy...you sre Islamically married and your parents have NO right to stop you from talking or even meeting up with him...this is the evil of our society...nikaah is NOT considered marriage somehow.
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
You have weird parents. And that khala is down right funky. "Nikaah kay baad shaitan saat hota hai" LMAO! Epic!
What are we in the 7th century?
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
Normally desis shove religion down the throat, but when its something legitimate like a husband and wife and who are bound Islamically tab har kisi koh culture yaad aa jata hai.
Hypocrites 
Your parents are wrong.
Infact this whole rukhasti is not even Muslim culture, this was borrowed from Hindus.
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
it's the mentality that i've seen prevelant in desis...that nikkah doesn't equal marriage. I have had cousins who were nikkahfied for like 5 years but the guy (who happened to be their cousin) wasn't allowd to even SET FOOT inside house until rukhsati...
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
it's the mentality that i've seen prevelant in desis...that nikkah doesn't equal marriage. I have had cousins who were nikkahfied for like 5 years but the guy (who happened to be their cousin) wasn't allowd to even SET FOOT inside house until rukhsati...
and, unfortunately in our culture, those who are just engaged are allowed to even go to movies together and spent time together in dark quarters of the theatre watching a romantic movie lol...what's wrong with our so called 'culture'...poor nikaahofied couple try to steal a moment together...chori chori chupke chupke! :(
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
LOOLLL She should ask her mum for some advice concerning protection Who knows what type of dodgy diseases you could pick up??
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
Guys thank you for your advice.... But I have said everything to my parents that you have listed here. I told my mom that he's my husband, Im not a child anymore. His parents don't mind at all. I don't know what to do now. SO fed up. He is the only one I want to talk to, and when my parents do this it makes me one to talk to him even more. I am stubborn, but my parents are being quite annoying about this. I don't know what to say to them. Whenever I talk to my mom about this she ges like bequiet, girls aise baate nahi kerthe, or hum ne kon sa kuch kiya hai ( as in we did not do anything big, only simple) SHe's like hum ne kon sa kuch bara kiya hai jo tum aise bolre ho. I dont understand this, as in my parents are being total hypocrites. I find it strange- my dad asked the carry sab to explin the rights and duties of a husband and wife towards each other.
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
And IM in different countires, I dont think I will have intimacy over the phone!!!. desi thinking gosh
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
Are they actively stopping you from talking to your husband? Perhpas you could just try and ignore them...? Talk to him via email and skype, and when he calls via phone you could go for a walk or go to a separate room
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
And IM in different countires, I dont think I will have intimacy over the phone!!!. desi thinking gosh
*may i ask you why you and ur parents agreed to just nikaah? *
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
Because we are both young, and He's a german citizen while I am an American citizen. and agreed that I am not going to go live in Germany.
Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!
*may i ask you why you and ur parents agreed to just nikaah? *
Because we are both young, and He's a german citizen while I am an American citizen. and agreed that I am not going to go live in Germany.