Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

[KKF]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

Because we are both young, and He's a german citizen while I am an American citizen. and agreed that I am not going to go live in Germany.

*if you are old enuf to marry, you are old enuf to live on your own...why couldn't he come to the US? it's a bit strange to be honest. couples live wherever they have to in oreder to live together. *

[inspiron]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

why cant u temporarily move to germany or he wind up stuff there and move to us?

[sabs18]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

Well he needs to be a permanent residence to live here, and I have to apply him- and thats when he will be living here oficially- and I wish I can move their- but currently I am studying, and hes finished with college- so it's easier for him to more. But as of now, not stressing on this no more- I dont always have to talk to him in front of my parents- or I don't need to tell them that I spoke to hin- its just that sometimes when my mom is in a good mood she just asks if I spoke to him today, and she would would be all excited and stuff to hear about it- and when I don't talk to him she would be like kyoo are you guys in a fight or something, and Im like no mama. were not. It's just sometimes she doesnt like me talking to him. Maybe my mom is going thru menopause.

[redvelvet]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

@sabs18

and one time my khala said nahi agr nikkah hogeyah hai phr be shaitaan saat hotah hai!! Im like what???

^That there is comic gold

It belongs to the prestigious cattegory of “Family Classic.” And when you reminisce about those good old days with siblings and cousins…you’ll look back on that moment with “Hey remember when khala said…”

[Naabigh]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

Referring your husband as ShaiTan - che che che how bad of your kahlaa :D

[aras]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

the only explanation to this which I do understand and actually agree to is that talking too much before you guys live together especially in such a long distance relationship can lead to the honeymoon phase ending too soon and stupid arguments that can later on escalate to bigger ones. You guys should definitely talk but don't overdo it which is hard to avoid and that's why your mom is telling you not to talk. I don't agree with her either. I am nikkahed and my mom would tell me not to talk as much but never that I should not talk to him at all. I do understand the thinking that if we talk too much we'll get into fights after the intial lovey dovey phase wears off and then it'll cause a lot of issues. Especially since you still have a few years before ruksati I think you should follow her advice partially and just try to talk less or not all the time because if you guys talk about everything beforehand then you'll have nothing to talk about later :P (that's what all the parents say) lol!!! I think you can make your own decision about when you talk to him but yeah just remember too much can be a bad thing too so just take it easy and make your own pace! Only you can figure out what works best for you guys :)

[stoppit]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

talking to your spouse too much a bad thing? hah. seriously, i don't know what sort of relationships you people have or intend to have with your spouses.

[STA]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

@sabs18

So Alhumdulliah I got my nikkah done, and so I am officially married. Rusksakti will be in couple of years. Although this was a love marraige, and my parents and his parents were very supportive of us. They were very happy and still are. So when I was engaged to him, my parents didn’t like the idea that I spoke to him everyday- it was understandable, but now since I am married my mom and dad do not like us talking everyday. And I do not understand it. I am married under Allahs eyes, so why cannot I speak to him everyday? What’s wrong with that. We are in different countries, which makes communication difficult, but we talk/chat via internet. I told my mom clearly mom he’s my husband so why cannot talk to him. When we all went to Pakistan to have our nikkah done, my mom wouldnt let him and I go out for dinner alone!! She’s like no its not right etcc.. and one time my khala said nahi agr nikkah hogeyah hai phr be shaitaan saat hotah hai!! Im like what???
Although my parents are very supportive of their children, and educated, why are they behaving like this? My husband is very kind, and when I talk to him lets say over the phone… my mom would come in the room and be like “oh wow aj phr baat kere ho, itna sar pe charaker mat use racko”, and he hears it… and he doesnt say anything, cause he doesnt want to hurt my feelings. Today this happened as well, and he actually said it to me that why don’t your parents like it when we talk to each other. And I had no answer to his question. How do I explain to my parents that I am married, and there is no harm in talking with my husband. They have no obejection to this marraige, they tease me about him and stuff jokingly, they love the fact that we are together, but why don’t they let us talk??? how do I explain to them?

@Princess121

I think they have fears that too much communication will cause petty arguments and thus break you guys up. I’m not saying that they’re right - it’s just a possible explanation for how they feel. But alhamdullilah they’ve supported you this far, so don’t let this issue cause things to tense up now. If they are the type that you can calmly talk to, then talk to them politely about it. Perhaps reach a compromise - ok not everyday, then how about every other day, or every third day. And maybe you can be sensitive about it too - don’t deliberately call him in their presence. Ignore your khala, yes of course you are legitemately married. But just try to manage the sitiuation calmy with your parents - you don’t want to provoke them or give them reason not to support you.

As for your husband, I think you can give him the explanation I gave you and ask him not to mind it. I don’t think it should be a big issue. Perhaps you can communicate more via the internet than via the phone - your parents don’t need to know every single time you chat to him online right?

@Enigmatic

I think they need to lighten up a bit. It’s true that in our society people take rukhsati as the final thing which is completely wrong and they fear awkward pregnancies before rukhsati and people would love to gossip. But in your case, such a fear should obviously not be there as you both are like countries apart.

However maybe your mother is worried that communication b/w you two could lead to

1. misunderstandings
2. arguments with the potential to turn big
3. unwanted or misinterpreted notions
4. extreme dependence or closeness which would be hard to handle since you both won’t be getting married soon
5. or maybe just over-possessiveness

If you try talking to her in a practical mature way and ask her as to what her fears maybe. Then just calmly and patiently eliminate all her unsaid notions and fears. That should work. But no flaring up or getting all emotional

@aras

the only explanation to this which I do understand and actually agree to is that talking too much before you guys live together especially in such a long distance relationship can lead to the honeymoon phase ending too soon and stupid arguments that can later on escalate to bigger ones. You guys should definitely talk but don’t overdo it which is hard to avoid and that’s why your mom is telling you not to talk. I don’t agree with her either. I am nikkahed and my mom would tell me not to talk as much but never that I should not talk to him at all. I do understand the thinking that if we talk too much we’ll get into fights after the intial lovey dovey phase wears off and then it’ll cause a lot of issues. Especially since you still have a few years before ruksati I think you should follow her advice partially and just try to talk less or not all the time because if you guys talk about everything beforehand then you’ll have nothing to talk about later (that’s what all the parents say) lol!!! I think you can make your own decision about when you talk to him but yeah just remember too much can be a bad thing too so just take it easy and make your own pace! Only you can figure out what works best for you guys

:k:

[oOalyshaOo16]

....yup i agree, that its wrong to stop u guyz from talking.

They should know this better. When ur already married u both have all the right to do anything...weather it be talkin, goin out together...etc, its non of thier buisness to intefere between u both. Like its alright to give advise and stuff but its wrong to behave like that.

Just go have a talk with ur mum ...explain everything to her and remind her that u both are MARRIED now. Im sure she'll understand.

I guess shes probably just not use to thinking that ur married now, and it also takes a bit of time for the parents to start thinking differently obviously since u've been with them all these years.

I dunnu why but a lot of parents do that, like my grandma still does that with my mum. If she ever goes to spend a few day over at my grandma, for some reason my grandma goes all weird. Like now she doesnt really say it that much but still we can tell that she dislikes it when we or my dad talk to my mum on the phone. I guess some parents feel that new relationships (especially after marrige) will take their child away from them

Lol could be number of diff reasonz LOL

Anywayz go have lil talk with ur mum.. Im sure ur mum will understand :)

[Amoureux_de_la_vie]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

They just don't want you to open up sexually to each other yet, which could lead to you wanting to have sex and then kids can happen, before you're ready to support them.

And possibly also stupid fights.

[PinkOrchids]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

I think your mama - thinks your a baby. LOL.

I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM - You just need be more independant, if she does ask Oh did you talk to him, you should say - no, I didn't and leave it at that. Don't make a big fuss, you want to talk about your husband and how wonderful he is, tell your friends. Not your mother, when she realises there is no discussion in that area she will miss the closeness she will soon accept that you are infact married and will try to get closer to you without belittling you.

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

lying to parents is not a good idea. she will lose w/e trust she has left

your suggestion does not make any sense to me, sorry

I think your mama - thinks your a baby. LOL.

I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM - You just need be more independant, if she does ask Oh did you talk to him, you should say - no, I didn't and leave it at that. Don't make a big fuss, you want to talk about your husband and how wonderful he is, tell your friends. Not your mother, when she realises there is no discussion in that area she will miss the closeness she will soon accept that you are infact married and will try to get closer to you without belittling you.

[STA]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

anyone who comes between husband and wife is shaitan. in her case, khala/parents are acting on the behalf of shaitan. :@:

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

anyone who comes between MIl and DIL is a husband ....

anyone who comes between husband and wife is shaitan. in her case, khala/parents are acting on the behalf of shaitan. :@:

[STA]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

anyone who comes between MIl and DIL is a husband ....

now that is different case.

two shaitans and one angel.

[skhan]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

hmm, parents or not, your marriage is your business and yours alone

and yes, it is kind of disturbing that some people think that talking to one's spouse can be a "bad" thing. LOL

[snazzy]

Re: Parents are not letting me talk to my husband!

maybe it's because you're a married girl still living with her parents. Your parents were always protective and they just are uncomfortable with the idea that their little girl is all grown up and in love with her husband? and possibly expressing that love right in front of them makes them even more uncomfortable?