ok here goes dad wanted me to get married to his nephew, i knew he wanted me to get married to him no matter wat so for his sake i said yeah n we got engaged dis year n now the parents are planning me to get married next year!! i didnt no dis i found out from other ppl!!! family is suppoused to tell u stuff but dey planning without me having a say in it! im am soo angry i aint even talkin to dad any more if he actaully loved me he would have atleast told me or even asked wen i wanted to get married. im unhappy i said yes for ma mums sake i dont even know da guy n im beginning to hate him n the family.im soooo fokin angry i dont know wat to do! im so unhappy and depressed!
You are only 19!!! and they are getting you married?. Sounds like you are in the USA. If that's the case, tell them that you want to finish your studies and buy out 2 more years before shaadi. Don't break the engagement yet. And start going to College for some real education. No frikkin arts crap. Something that would land you a high paying job and make you independent in 4 years.
Come back to this thread after you have gotten the two year extension and we will figure something out for you.
On the other hand, if you want to get married and like the guy (which I don't see it in your post), then go right ahead. Actually there is more to it than just liking the guy. You have to be mentally ready for the married lifestyle or you will end up regretting for the rest of your life.
yaar why dont u talk to them?? u think its gona help writing something here on a message board?? all we can do is sympathize n feel for u, but its u whos gotta actually do something about it.
go to ur dad, tell him how u feel.... and seriously, if u dont like the guy,,, dont marry him, simple as that,, tell ur parents that its ur life and you would not let them ruin it for u. you dont like the guy and dont want to marry him. and they shouldnt force u to do so. tell em that. and just say NO. they,ll understand. get out of that shell where u just gotta say yes to ur parents no matter wat. trust me its ur life... and if they get upset, well so be it... they have no right to ruin ur life.
and all that sharing information stuff,,, tell them that too,,,, we cant change anything here.. u go talk to them.
u shudn't have agreed to get engaged so soon in the first place, just to make your dad happy. u r too young to get married. talk to your parents about it.
talk to them. tell them exactly how you feel. go for a fist fight if it comes down to it.
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
im from uk and ive finished ma a levels last year im doin full time work now im just feelin crap!! nah daqts the thing ive talked to ma mum n trust me she told dad bout dat me n ma older bro whos only 21 wanna get married in two years time but ma dad is blaming ma mum saying she must have stuck the idea in our heads!! mun dad already plannin everythin!! da only thing i can do is just not talk to dad or just be grumpy for me dats the only way i can express ma feelings!! got the feelin dad gettin the hint but honestlt if he tries to joke wid me now i dont smile or anythin im feelin crap!! cant believe im gettin married i just think its too quick ok im gonna be 20 dis year but i aint ready me too young!! its not even dat im stressing and im losing too much weight im already underweight i dont no wat to do! ive talked to ma lil sis she more mature bout stufff n shes like u knoew u were gonna get married n the parents dont need to ask for ur permission hellooo yes dey do its says in the quarn parents have to ask for the daugthers permission ok!
What's really pissing me off is that I couldn't differentiate a Brit from a Yank. I am losing it big time. Since when have the Brits started talking like someone from the Bronx?
Their propably worried that you have a boyfriend or something, thats why their in such a rush to get you married. Can't you talk an older aunty or even guy your marrying to wait for a couple of years?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by funguy: *
What's really pissing me off is that I couldn't differentiate a Brit from a Yank. I am losing it big time. Since when have the Brits started talking like someone from the Bronx?
[/QUOTE]
u hatin on teh bronxites??
Before you start disliking the guy you should give him a chance and maybe get to know him. Chat with him online or email him. See if you like him. And one thing is if I were you I would pray to allah and ask allah for guidance. When and where your going to get married is already set from allah. If you ask allah for help you will surely feel at ease. Take it easy. I know someone who went through something similar and now she is happy. Maybe you can have a casual talk with your dad and say that you want to finish your studies or you feel like your too young. I hope everything works out for you.
FG ,,actually its more like a bronxite cockney yaar.
Now Salma4eva,,,try to understand the situation here for your self. Bcak track your life a bit and see what triggered this. ask your self if you have any room for this guy in your life. getting married at 19 is a disaster indeed. last but not least who are you ???
I mean Punjabi's, Kashmiri's or Urdu speaking from Karachi ?
This might give us a little bit of an idea of your scenerio.
You'r losing faith, hope and love in your parents and thats dangerous. trust me nothing matters in life if you lose this. and if you realy need to revolt then do it NOW,,be very upright with your Dad and Mum. Be firm and muture. Make right decisions to override their worries about you..,,,
good luck,,
belle i dont have a boyfriend im not the kind of gal dont goes out wid boys, i wear a hajab am very religious. da thing is the guy is ma first cuzin from pakistan yeah we talked but i cant speak ma language properly or him in english. im upset cause ma parents havent told me anything dey are just planning to go wid it! ma dad is infulened by his d=sisters to get me married so the guy can come ere dat is wat im fokin strssed bout im the ticket for him to come ee yeah he a nice guy but it dont mean dat i need to get married just the sake of it im upset dat ma parents aint even asked how i feel yeah mum asked me i told her straight but now she getting headaces n shes getting stress cause she knows i dont wanna get marrid yet but wat can she do? she has to follow her huby no matter wat!
ma parents are from azad khasmir so am punjabi i dont get it ma cuzins got married wen dey were 25 so y the fok do i have to get married know!!!
u no wat i dont care anymore! ive tried to be mature bout it by listening and being quite but wen the time is cumin up im regreting it n im losing sleep i told mum i was fokin stress she just aughed it off honeslt im trying not to dislike ma dad but i cant help it he dont care to me it seems dat her perfers his sisters n his nhephew instead of his own childern!
I some what suspected you were either punjabi aor Kashmiri.
Well all I can say is this. If you'r in Rossendale (Lancs) area then you might like to get in touch with my Sister. She's a local Magisterate and a community and social worker for the ethnics of Pakistan. She has helped lots of families under such conditions.
ok chick...i aint read all of this but OMG
I completly understand family pressure and all that stuff....(im using the word "stuff" instead of "bs" to be polite), u cannot and should not get depressed about this, this is your life not ur families.
You need to be strong, infact its paramoount importnat that u are strong, i know its hard and easier sed than done, but serioulsy love if u aint gona fight then watch as ur life slips away.
Theres no right or wrong about what to do in this situation, but what i did, after crying for several years was to tell everyone to FCUK off! The key to doing this in the nicest most respectful manner is really hard, but basically, u have to be ruthless, lets face it, ur dad is.
I dont know what else to say as theres too many thoughts running thru me head right now, but please think of urself and no one else, its the only way chick.
I really hope and pray everything works out for u, in order to help urself u have to do everything urself, i know ur young, but im sure u understand ur life more than anyone else will.
I feel sorry for the guy.
So is it just a question of "when" or also a problem "with whom"?
Salma, i think you need to talk to your dad and mom, and tell them about your concerns. I am sure that your dad is thinking about your better, but sometimes people look at things differently. I think talking to him about what you think will help.
Another thing would be to talk to the guy directly. Even though you dont know his language, I am sure he knows some English. Email him or call him. If you guys talk about it, I dont think its a big problem.
It is natural to be concerned, but dont get to judgements like you are his ticket to UK or that your dad does not love you.
And pray to Allah to open the paths that are better for your future, and close the paths that will not be good for you in the future.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by skhan: *
I feel sorry for the guy.
[/QUOTE]
why?
We all know what the 'Real Reason' is behind all this crap of marrying your daughters as soon as they hit 17-18-19. Same is not done the 'Sons'.
I don't want to write sentences or long stories here but this;
Foreign country 'Pardes' + Open cultre + religious obligations + Dad & Moms 'Ghairat' self respect to see thier little daughter now turning into a budding teenager with body parts bulging through the dress and the 'Ghairat mand' Sons of the house hold never missing a chnace to diss their 'jawan sister' some times for no reason.
These incident are a hidden reality of the households in question.
So what are the ultimate conclusions.
Father tricks daughter to take a trip to Pakistan and then returns without her.
A desi boy / relative is imported from 'back home' to merry their daughter off without questions to let the husband look after the girl's affaires from there on.
'Gharat mand' brothers bring stress and nightmares to 'Sister's life' if she merrys on her own or of her own choice.
Conclusion : Never be shy to approcah the local law enforcement agencies for councelling/help.
Creat a partition between your self and the adults at the 'First signs' of brewing trouble.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Raindance: *
We all know what the 'Real Reason' is behind all this crap of marrying your daughters as soon as they hit 17-18-19. Same is not done the 'Sons'.
I don't want to write sentences or long stories here but this;
Foreign country 'Pardes' + Open cultre + religious obligations + Dad & Moms 'Ghairat' self respect to see thier little daughter now turning into a budding teenager with body parts bulging through the dress and the 'Ghairat mand' Sons of the house hold never missing a chnace to diss their 'jawan sister' some times for no reason.
These incident are a hidden reality of the households in question.
So what are the ultimate conclusions.
Father tricks daughter to take a trip to Pakistan and then returns without her.
A desi boy / relative is imported from 'back home' to merry their daughter off without questions to let the husband look after the girl's affaires from there on.
'Gharat mand' brothers bring stress and nightmares to 'Sister's life' if she merrys on her own or of her own choice.
Conclusion : Never be shy to approcah the local law enforcement agencies for councelling/help.
Creat a partition between your self and the adults at the 'First signs' of brewing trouble.
[/QUOTE]
WOW im impressed! aint u a clever/observent little chick!!
how old are you?