parents who are God given gift, are the most cherishable of all relations on earth, when they are understanding and good friends.
but when they are aging and develop medical conditions, what do we feel as young adults?
how can we make ourselves strong in taking care of them?
may all our parents be safe and healthy. amen.
what are the ways in which you will take care of your parents, especially if you have job and spouse in another country?
share if you like.
Best,
Dushwari
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
Oh i love my parents dearly (as i suppose most do) and can't imagine my life with out them :(. Whenever i say my namaz and do dua at end, the first thing that i pray for after asking for forgiveness is that pls god give my life to my parents too. I hope Allah takes me from this world before anything happens to them because i wont be able to take that.
Taking care of them in old age is all the more important and nothing should hinder your way in doing that. As a girl, yes you might marry and have to move out of the same county but thats your kismet than and you can but only try to remain in the same country/city. But as a boy, its your duty to be with them no matter where they are living...if you think you can earn more going abroad or wateva still you must stay here because nothing matters more than your parents and their saath with you. I hate all those people who ignore their parents for more money, spouses, independence, or anything at all. Just close to my home we have this amma g who now is like my nanni to me. Her only son left him here all alone for canada and all her daughters r married in different cities. NOw imagine this amma g lives all alone with her hubby and they both must be near 80. They get sick every other day...and amma still prepares food herself and my mom at times goes and makes food for them at home or cooks them rotis and she takes them to doc and all. I dont go much out of home but i visit her at times too because she is very loving and i feel nice in her company as i always miss having my grandparents with me :(. Now, just imagine what hell will her son go through...he had a good job here but just went in hunger for better...and now that he feels he shud come back his wife is giving him trouble. But i blame the guy ofcourse because he is the one who gave that jurat to her wife by taking her there instead of living here with his parents.
IF my parents fall ill its very hard for me but thanks to Allah they are healthy and lead a good life. We always as a family say that Allah take away the money, the wealth or any such possession and we can tolerate that loss but bless us all with a healthy life and love for each other as thats what keeps us going in life.
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
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how can we make ourselves strong in taking care of them?
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By remembering everything that they did for us, from the moment we were conceived. Remembering how our mother carried us inside her for 9 months, sacrificing her own comfort and ease. Remembering how she gave birth to us and endured the labor. Remembering how many sleepless nights they had because of us. How they took care of us when we were sick. How they wouldnt eat until we ate. How they wouldnt rest until we were alseep. How they could never be happy unless we were. How they cared for our own comfort and security a hundred times more than they did for their own. How much they gave and gave and gave unconditionally for us, even when we became adults. Your husband/wife has their own place in your life and heart. Obviously you love them tremendously and would do anything for them. But nothing can ever match the relationship between a child and parent. No matter how old we get or how busy or how much whatever, we should never never stop cherishing and honoring this ultra special relationship
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
thanks Maham S and midnight eyes, for your reply posts.
the compassion that strong bonds of daughters and sons they have with parents, will have us do nothing less and stop short of nothing but to continually take care of them when they are ill and remember them in our dua to Allah swt, for their health and well being, always, when they are far away from us.
Dushwari
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
Oh my God, Maham and Midnight eyes - i had some serious tears in my eyes when i read your posts.
I am living in different city to my parents now too...and after every namaaz, i pray for my family's health and May Allah keep them safe at all times...Ameen!
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
. Whenever i say my namaz and do dua at end, the first thing that i pray for after asking for forgiveness is that pls god give my life to my parents too. I hope Allah takes me from this world before anything happens to them because i wont be able to take that..
I pray exactly the same dua after every namaz, I just cant imagin my life without my mum and dad, God give them long and healthy life Ameen
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
Aww u guys! After all, its all about loving your parents:blush:.
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
Its easier said than done. Many people who brag a lot will shy out when the time actually comes.
I saw it first hand this visit to Pak. My grandfather this time was bedridden and sick. Of many men in the house it was only me, my uncle and one of my cousins who did the "hard job" that is carrying him to rest room, washing and clothing him.
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
true, Iconoclast.
I have been thinking about this more than usual, with my parents clearly aging, and they themselves feeling their age and thinking about their mortality. It is a difficult time, especially counseling them about staying motivated and not getting into a depressed/morbid state of mind.
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
as a boy, its your duty to be with them no matter where they are living...if you think you can earn more going abroad or wateva still you must stay here because nothing matters more than your parents and their saath with you. .
maham I agree with most of what you said in your original post except the above.
no where does it say that it is the sons duty to care for his parents.....this is just cultural.
Islamically however it is the duty (their obligation) of both son and daughter to care for their parents not only when they are aging but all the time.....whether they are married, living abroad, single, studying etc etc doesnt matter.
Why is it that we think it is solely the sons responsibilty? I never understood that and never will.
When my father passed away he left me and my (retired) mother alone Although I am still in uni and not making any money....I still do everything I can to care for her (ie do the grocery, cook, pay bills, etc).
To be honest, the main reason I didnt get married as of yet is because I refuse to leave my mom alone (although she is way too independent for her own good) and I wont get married until I know for sure that the person I marry will accept both me and HER because we are a complete package. :D
Point being....as a woman if you truly want to care for your parents you will do so without making any excuses and you will find a way to accomodate them into your life no matter where you are, who you are married to and how many brothers you have.
Unfortunately in our culture I see way too many women throwing their parents at their brothers feet and backing out from the responsibilty themselves....quite frankly... I am fed up with seeing that.
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
iA I hope that I get taufeeq to be there for my parents always.
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
maham I agree with most of what you said in your original post except the above. no where does it say that it is the sons duty to care for his parents.....this is just cultural. ................. Unfortunately in our culture I see way too many women throwing their parents at their brothers feet and backing out from the responsibilty themselves....quite frankly... I am fed up with seeing that.
You got me wrong, totally!. I am not saying its only the son's duty to take care of their parents BUT it is more of the son's duty than the daughters. Because the girls gets married and move on to her new home where as the boy is most likely (and should) live with his parents. But i didnt mean that the daughters do not need to make sure their parents are doing good. If need be, they should have their parents live with them and take them to docs or whatever is needed.
And those daughters who throw their parents at their brothers feet must be exceptions and not even deserving of being called daughters or even human beings.
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
I totally agree with you Maham. Very well putted :) MashAllah se I think with the kind of mindset that you have I hope you marry into a nice Inlaw family, because I'm sure you will make sure your husband atleast take care of his parents too :) Its a very nice thinking and unfortunalty not so common nowadays IMO, but thats our badluck I guess ..
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
You got me wrong, totally!. I am not saying its only the son's duty to take care of their parents **BUT it is more of the son's duty than the daughters. **Because the girls gets married and move on to her new home where as the boy is most likely (and should) live with his parents. But i didnt mean that the daughters do not need to make sure their parents are doing good. If need be, they should have their parents live with them and take them to docs or whatever is needed.
And those daughters who throw their parents at their brothers feet must be exceptions and not even deserving of being called daughters or even human beings.
apologies if I misunderstood you.
I still dont think it's MORE of a son's duty then a daughers. This way of thinking is all cultural and it is what we have learned being raised in this culture. We must get out of this mode of thinking and focus more on our Islamic obligations rather then what is right and wrong according to our pakistani culture.
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
I totally agree with you Maham. Very well putted :) MashAllah se I think with the kind of mindset that you have I hope you marry into a nice Inlaw family, because I'm sure you will make sure your husband atleast take care of his parents too :) Its a very nice thinking and unfortunalty not so common nowadays IMO, but thats our badluck I guess ..
thats a good point.....daughters expect and encourage their brothers to take care of their parents yet they dont enourage their hustands to care for their own parents.
p.s maham this post isnt aimed at you in any way.
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
I know .. Bas sab apna sochte hain. Kissi ka koi kya sochega.
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
I totally agree with you Maham. Very well putted :) MashAllah se I think with the kind of mindset that you have I hope you marry into a nice Inlaw family, because I'm sure you will make sure your husband atleast take care of his parents too :) Its a very nice thinking and unfortunalty not so common nowadays IMO, but thats our badluck I guess ..
Thank-you very much and i hope, pray that i am able to do what i feel every girl should do. It's not only about making your husband or his family happy but also about being a human being and doing what you would want your bhabhi to do for your parents.
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
I lived with my parents in Pakistan till they both were alive. I have no regrets about not taking care of them. You can never repay for what they do for you. I remember all the sacrifices my father and mother did for my brothers and sisters. They were great parents. Allah give them high places in Jannat , Ameen.
My father and then my mother died in my hands. Father died of heart failure and mother died of heart attack.
I was with them and for them till they breathed their last breath. I moved to US after they both were gone.
I have firm belief that it is their Duas which have saved me from very big troubles and problems of my life.
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
i LOVE my parents....n I miss them sooo sooo much...esp after shadi...i realized how living away from them is so hard...I wish i could see them everyday...:|
Re: Parents, Aging and Sudden Illness
^ it would be nice if they felt the same way too. Boo Hoo.