ok a little off topic but seriously Ilya Pakistan is not a living hell as the entire world has made it ! Yes the glitches are there but I have always always LOVED living there..it would always be my home ..even if I have all the entire luxuries of life and security here in the UK for that matter anywhere else:
I would still crave to hear the voice of Azaan
I would still crave to drive out with my cousins at night on M M alam to grab a coffee or just eat the cone iceream of Liberty Market
I would still crave to have everybody celebrate and watch a match together and have aunties serve mithai in our street if Pakistani cricket team wins a random series.
I would still crave to be out in the middle of traffic a minute before Iftar and have at least 3-4 people (auntiez, uncles, random traffic police wale) offering me khajoor, water and a couple of snacks.
I could list a million more reasons but i wouldnt
I completely agree that for nadz it’s very difficult moving from the UK to pak when she is a brit born herself esp adjusting in a city like Peshawar …BUT things were to be the same even before she had agreed. She should have really thought over before making such a HUGE decision !
Alot of women move into different families, entirely different circumstances and countries after marriage…it is not something new at all. But you should have known that you weren’t up for such a huge sacrifice !
if you hangout at mm alam obviously u wont complain and you wont know the real picture
go to the poor areas of lahore even middle class areas it will open ur eyes
ok a little off topic but seriously Ilya Pakistan is not a living hell as the entire world has made it ! Yes the glitches are there but I have always always LOVED living there..it would always be my home ..even if I have all the entire luxuries of life and security here in the UK for that matter anywhere else:
I would still crave to hear the voice of Azaan
I would still crave to drive out with my cousins at night on M M alam to grab a coffee or just eat the cone iceream of Liberty Market
I would still crave to have everybody celebrate and watch a match together and have aunties serve mithai in our street if Pakistani cricket team wins a random series.
I would still crave to be out in the middle of traffic a minute before Iftar and have at least 3-4 people (auntiez, uncles, random traffic police wale) offering me khajoor, water and a couple of snacks.
I could list a million more reasons but i wouldnt :p
I completely agree that for nadz it's very difficult moving from the UK to pak when she is a brit born herself esp adjusting in a city like Peshawar ...BUT things were to be the same even before she had agreed. She should have really thought over before making such a HUGE decision !
Alot of women move into different families, entirely different circumstances and countries after marriage...it is not something new at all.
if you hangout at mm alam obviously u wont complain and you wont know the real picture
go to the poor areas of lahore even middle class areas it will open ur eyes
i have worked at a govt hospital...i have studied at a Govt med school...i know people are going through a terrible time - am not blind ! Even as a child I have seen difficult financial times ...all I am saying is ... it's still home for me and would always be IA ..and one shouldn't blame their own country for the mess its people **have created or who just sit there and criticise k idher zindagi azab hai and **do nothing about it. At least appreciate it for what it is :)
let's not get deviated from the topic completely neither there is a point in being personal either :)
Am just hoping for things to work out for nadz and her family and may she be happily settled where it's best for all of them InshaAllah.
ok a little off topic but seriously Ilya Pakistan is not a living hell as the entire world has made it ! Yes the glitches are there but I have always always LOVED living there..it would always be my home ..even if I have all the entire luxuries of life and security here in the UK for that matter anywhere else:
I would still crave to hear the voice of Azaan
I would still crave to drive out with my cousins at night on M M alam to grab a coffee or just eat the cone iceream of Liberty Market
I would still crave to have everybody celebrate and watch a match together and have aunties serve mithai in our street if Pakistani cricket team wins a random series.
I would still crave to be out in the middle of traffic a minute before Iftar and have at least 3-4 people (auntiez, uncles, random traffic police wale) offering me khajoor, water and a couple of snacks.
This doesn't even make any sense, it's your experience and its all wonderful I'm sure but just because YOU got to experience these kind of things and you enjoy them.....doesn't mean someone else would..or should.
Enigmatic, were you born and brought up in Pakistan?
Most of us feel a bond with the place where we grew up.. This isn't aimed at you at all but I'm finding it quite irritating that some of the same ppl who called Nadz 'drama queen' etc. for not wanting to live abroad are the same ppl who've openly said they would never even leave their own parents' house after marriage..
She left her family behind, the country she grew up in and a lot of the stuff she was familiar with.. When she said in another thread that she wanted to fly bk to the UK just to have her baby certain posters were attacking her for only that, it was ridiculous.. Yes, she shoudn't have agreed to move to Pakistan in the first place if she thought it would be too difficult but at the end of the day one of the big reasons for moving there was because her husband was unemployed over here and thought he'd be able to get a job in Pak - which he hasn't and they really aren't any better off..
ok a little off topic but seriously Ilya Pakistan is not a living hell as the entire world has made it ! Yes the glitches are there but I have always always LOVED living there..it would always be my home ..even if I have all the entire luxuries of life and security here in the UK for that matter anywhere else:
I would still crave to hear the voice of Azaan
I would still crave to drive out with my cousins at night on M M alam to grab a coffee or just eat the cone iceream of Liberty Market
I would still crave to have everybody celebrate and watch a match together and have aunties serve mithai in our street if Pakistani cricket team wins a random series.
I would still crave to be out in the middle of traffic a minute before Iftar and have at least 3-4 people (auntiez, uncles, random traffic police wale) offering me khajoor, water and a couple of snacks.
I could list a million more reasons but i wouldnt :p
I completely agree that for nadz it's very difficult moving from the UK to pak when she is a brit born herself esp adjusting in a city like Peshawar ...BUT things were to be the same even before she had agreed. She should have really thought over before making such a HUGE decision !
Alot of women move into different families, entirely different circumstances and countries after marriage...it is not something new at all. But you should have known that you weren't up for such a huge sacrifice !
It sure would be living hell for me! Lol. I can only go to PK for a max' 2 weeks before I miss England! Its just so different, you're so dependant on a male, its uncomfortable to go out alone etc etc. I think its the googly-eyed hungry men who turn me off the most! Lol. ;)
If you could list a million more reasons then Pakistan would be the most ideal place on this planet...like heaven on earth! :p
Your points 1-4 can all be done in England...point 1 from your home computer or if you live in Bradford!! Lol. Again it depends whereabouts in UK you live.
But on a serious note yeah you're right as millions are living in Pakistan themselves. Everyone has a different experience but it sure is a huge thing for anyone to live in Pakistan once they have been born and brought up in the UK. Its like a city girl going to live in the village!!
I personally think she would've been okay in Pakistan if she was in genuinely loving, frustration free, no strings attached relationship with her husband and a respectable one with her inlaws.
The life in Middle class Pakistan is so much better than in ghettos of British Pakistan. The life there can be so much more exciting and inspiring if one is blessed with some humility. If anything, I'd say living in Pakistan actually makes you a very *shukqarguzaar *person, it makes you understand humanity. So looking down at those people and feeling ashamed is not an only option.
The life in Middle class Pakistan is so much better than in ghettos of British Pakistan.
Of course it is but then again a** middle class** life in a lot of places in the world be better than living in a ghetto in the UK -** in material terms** anyway but as Iyla pointed out:
'you're so dependant on a male, its uncomfortable to go out alone etc etc. I think its the googly-eyed hungry men who turn me off the most! Lol. ;)'
That would be something that I think a lot of us born and bred in England would struggle with.. I don't think it's something ppl will understand as a big deal either unless they've had the freedoms to do those things themselves in the first place (I hear ppl in Pakistan say they're 'lucky' to have a male to be dependent on, take them out etc.. totally different mindsets)..
For me the thought of not being able to drive myself wherever I want, wander around when I'm bored, go shopping on my own etc. would drive me crazy.. what's the point having money if you can't enjoy it to the full?
While a place could hold so much importance for one person it could be a completely crummy place for the next! So it's not with the country which is to get blamed it's with the people around, the relationships and how willing are we to sacrifice.
You can 'blame' the country as its people make the country what it is.
Of course it is but then again a** middle class** life in a lot of places in the world be better than living in a ghetto in the UK -in material terms anyway but as Iyla pointed out:
'you're so dependant on a male, its uncomfortable to go out alone etc etc. I think its the googly-eyed hungry men who turn me off the most! Lol. ;)'
That would be something that I think a lot of us born and bred in England would struggle with.. I don't think it's something ppl will understand as a big deal either unless they've had the freedoms to do those things themselves in the first place (I hear ppl in Pakistan say they're 'lucky' to have a male to be dependent on, take them out etc.. totally different mindsets)..
For me the thought of not being able to drive myself wherever I want, wander around when I'm bored, go shopping on my own etc. would drive me crazy.. what's the point having money if you can't enjoy it to the full?
I hope you are not trying to fool anyone here. Women in Pakistan are allowed to drive and go wherever they want, shop whenever they like. Its got lot to do with your social class and family structure. Nadz inlaws happens to be on the conservative side of the things and thats her problem, Pakistan is not at fault here. There are plenty of British Asian women living a very restricted, mundane and even proper oppressed life here in this country thanks to their constructive backgrounds and family dynamics, you should know that and it has nothing to do with Britain as a country.
I'm frankly getting sick of this oh I'm a British born and bred so please feel sorry for me. She was not some underage bride from Afghanistan who got pushed into a forced marriage. She was a 24 yo adult in Britain when she got engaged and married, if she was so proud of her brown sahib status, she would've had the guts to say no to that man who had no future in Britain and clearly told her that Pakistan is an ultimate destination. Her parents and herself should've thought about different lifestyle, upbringing and compatibility of these two individuals, its not fair on the husband that his wife is having fits about her brown sahib identity, to the point of breaking the marriage, when she's about to become mother for the second time. Such things should've been settled long ago. If you really wanna have a go at anything Pakistani, I'd say start from "British" Nadz and her "British" family who got her married for sake of getting married. With existence of such practices within British Pakistani community I don't see how Britain is such a safe heaven and beacon of freedom and choice for us Asian women. There's so much to life and your rights than visiting Tesco at any hour of the day...
brilliant reply jolie!and yeah pakistani women especially in the bigger cities have a lot of freedom..to gain an education,to drive around,to pursue their dreams:)
brilliant reply jolie!and yeah pakistani women especially in the bigger cities have a lot of freedom..to gain an education,to drive around,to pursue their dreams:)
Her SIL is a doctor for God sake and MIL a lecturer, yet she moans as if she's living in Afghanistan and how she being a British born is so much better and important than them.
So much for being a hip, modern, all important British, I'm yet to see her talk about her education or career, yeah a real source and sign of independence for women in 'British sense. So yeah in my eyes she's a just typical stay at home British Asian woman who thinks life starts and ends at shopping at your local Tesco's and visiting local parks with bunch of kids while the government provides for them, and thats what freedom and easy life means.
I really doesn't matter whether she takes my advice or not, but I do hope this threads and whatever written is here turns out to be some serious food for though for any young unmarried person reading. Yes it does matter what should or should not have happened, let someone learn a lesson from it. **In British Pakistani community, cases like Nadz are so much more common than you think, she's just small demo of stories and issues I come across in real life. **And I certainly have opinions and advice for them, whether one likes to take it or leave, its their choice.
As much as I hope it's true--I doubt it will really help anybody. how many people would be honest about themselves? How many girls like nadz will admit that they exhibit the same or similar personality traits as her?
How many girls born/brought up in UK/etc will admit that they're not marriage material for someone from Pak? Any girl who does admit that and wants to marry someone local is thought to be too haughty, too full of herself, too picky etc.
As humans, we tend to look at others in bad situations and think, "it will be different for me" because we think we're smarter and will make better decisions and/or are just plain luckier than that person.
brilliant reply jolie!and yeah pakistani women especially in the bigger cities have a lot of freedom..to gain an education,to drive around,to pursue their dreams:)
