Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
Ugh, I just sound like I'm repeating myself.
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
Kakee, that's not always true, although I do get your point. People do find it easier to get along if they're from the same nationalities.
BUT I've also seen this culture difference, it's a lot more subtle than just having two different nationalities or religions.
A lot of UK-born Pakistanis tend to look down on those who have married Pakistanis who were brought up from 'back home' and then came over. I know so many cases where a girl who was brought up in the UK has married someone from Pakistan, and yes, although the couple themselves don't care, they get judged for it. This attitude is becoming more and more common these days than say, 10 years ago.
My eldest sister married one of our relatives from Pakistan, he came over to London after they got married. There was a big culture difference yes, but they were able to work with it because they were both willing to. What was not nice was relatives choosing to see this as a bad thing, or that she 'could have done better' etc etc.
What my point is, although my sister and her hubby were hubby, people DID make remarks about marrying someone from what is technically a different upbringing.
hmm but in Phalies case she lived in the US so it wasn't so foreign for her I assume she understands by now how things work in America.
I still think its different for people who are totally foreign so yes I shouldn't say if you're the same nationality you have some common ground but I know how difficult it is to move from everything you knew to another which is totally foreign. So for those bringing their wife or husband home who have only lived in one country/city/town and then be pulled out of it I'm sure it would be difficult since its not their environment they grew up in.
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
btw you mean happy right
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
it doesn't matter if he's a gora inside a desi body since he still looks Pakistani which means that even though** he can't speak the language people will come up to him and try to speak Punjab or Urdu while with having a partner who is a foreigner the desi guy/girl will always be given the check or they have to play invisible because the family/stranger (of that ethnicity) doesn't accept foreigners.
**I don't know I just take a bit of an offense to someone saying "oh but our culture is totally different" but **people don't judge you for whats in you they judge you by what they see.. **and if you walk in Pak with your husband silently I bet nobody will think twice about it.
I understand exactly what you're trying to say in regards to non-desi spouses being judged based on their looks.
Desis judge you...period! It doesn't matter whether its based on looks, religion, culture, background etc. Anytime you don't fit into their definition of how things should be....desis will judge you. In my case, they may not judge us by our looks when we're with our spouse....but as soon as they find out the difference.....it doesn't take long for the judgment to start.
For the purpose of my post here....I will state that I don't give a da*n about what people on the street think when I'm outside with my man (even if he was gora). My thoughts/views are meant specifically towards challenges desis face with their own families when they marry someone outside their community (which is the main reason OP started this thread). Personally, the mixed couples I know also don't care about what random strangers think about their relationship. But drama from their own families does have an effect on their relationship and at times caues great stress/tension.
The point I'm trying to make is that in situations where 2 desis people have TOTALLY different cultures/beliefs/traditions etc.....the issues relating to being judged and not being accepted by each other's families exist. The minute the family members learn that the other person is a different "type" of desi (ie. The Telugu family learning that the guy is Gujrati).....it can in certain cases cause an immeidate negative reaction. And when it comes to the parents interacting with each, planning the wedding, raising children in the future etc.......the very same issues that face inter-racial couples can also face 2 desis who comes from very different cultures (ie. how to balance both sides).
Yup, typed without thinking!
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
Well..race shouldn't be even a question..when choosing a partner. I would say..character matters much more than race itself. Now it is otha thing when someone prefers to marry their own race.
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
Half italian half brazilian! Lucky you he sounds like prince charming.
If he is such a lovely guy maybe you should marry him. Religion should come before culture, but at the same time the world we live in makes it so hard to separate the two. You should really consider what both your and his immediate family think about this as well. If your parents and his parents are okay with it then go for it girl ;)
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???????
He sounds quite a catch. Parents learn to deal with it. Be gentle on them while breaking the news and emphasise the positives. I find immediate family is very supportive in most cases, it's the extended family but they too make peace with it. Go with your heart