kakee
April 24, 2012, 2:33pm
59
Re: Pakistani girls marrying outside their ethnicity/culture???
I’m not talking about 2 Pakistanis marrying each other…and 1 being brought up outside of Pakistan. I just threw that bit in to clarify my hubby isn’t your typical desi (he only speaks English, will eat desi food if given but doesn’t crave it or miss it, and knows VERY little about desi culture). I’m talking about 2 desis whose ethnic backgrounds are totally different.
Why does marrying a gora cause issues? It’s more that the person being white. Even when the gora converts to Islam, tt’s the difference in culture/traditions etc. With parents/extended families…many time there are language barriers. Obviously the desi and the gora in the relationship have an “understanding”…otherwise they wouldn’t have dated and gotten to a point where they want to marry each other. The “issues” arise when families get involved due to the differences in CULTURE. And for the record: my hubby was brought up in the U.S. but our parents certainly weren’t. Issues in my marriage aren’t necessarily between hubby and I b/c we sorted out our differences before we even agreed to marry each other.
I know several close people (desis) who married goras including 1 of my khalas. And other than myself, I know 1 other “mixed-desi” couple. I’ll use her as an example. She’s Telugu but her hubby is Gujrati. Both technically desi and hindu. They have an “understanding” and worked out their differences among themselves. When they told their parents they wanted to marry each other, all hell broke loose. It took them almost 2 YEARS to plan the wedding. Why? B/C of differences in culture/tradition between her Telugu family and his Gujrati family. Hers doesn’t speak a single word in Gujrati and his doesn’t doesn’t speak a single word in Telugu. The only language both sides can communicate in is English (same situtaion desis marrying goras face). Despite both being Hindu, their weddings…even something as simple as their mangal sutras or how many time they walk around the fire it totally different. Their food is different. Their wedding attire is different. The list goes on and on. She knows that if she wants her children to learn Telugu and the South Indian culture, she must do it on her own with her family’s help (same goes for his Gujrati heritage). They went through hell to get married…and are expecting drama even when kids enter the picture. Yet at the end…technically they’re both desi.
Desis who marry within their own community or someone very similar (ie. Pakistani’s marrying Pakistani’s, Punjabis marrying Punjabis, Bengalis marrying Bengalis etc.) don’t generally face the issue mentioned above. Among desis, with so many variations across the subcontinent, the specific cultures/communities/traditions etc. can be TOTALLY different…so different that the people involved might as well be 2 different races…b/c their skin color doesn’t help lessen the stress/tension at all. It might be rare…but it does and can happen.
When the Telugu girl I know and I talk to other desi couples…we feel we have a lot more in common with desis who married a gora or someone from a totally different background…because based on our personal experience in dealing with our choice in spouse, many of the issues/conflicts we face are the same ones that are faced by desis who marry someone who’s not desi. Again…this is based on my personal experience and may not reflect others who experience something totally different.
uh yah parents understand each other sounds soo difficult…
I don’t know I just take a bit of an offense to someone saying “oh but our culture is totally different” but people don’t judge you for whats in you they judge you by what they see..