im a pak born/raised female and from what i can understand from your question is that..for me..the husband will be the leader and the head of the family..he has to provide for me financially as well as undertake duties imposed on a husband by Shariah law..and i dont see this "dependence" as degrading or a burden..its a right given to me by ym faith to enjoy...and i do want to be the Queen of my house and not to work on a 9 to 5 job then come cook clean do the dishes etc ! :]|
I do not think this is what most balanced people think of as 'controlling behavior.' This system is fine and dandy as far as I'm concerned, and it's also fine and dandy if the woman wants to work. The key is for the spouses to agree on their roles in advance and be sensitive to each other's needs and the needs of the household as their life together evolves.
Examples of controlling/abusive behavior that I've seen in my own family (in-laws):
a) Man choking wife in front of kids during an argument
b) Man not allowing wife to visit her relatives for no reason
c) Man not allowing wife to attend his sister's wedding for no reason
d) Man yelling at wife after her 7-month dr pregnancy appointment because she is diagnosed with placenta previa and he says its her fault and she's going to kill their baby
e) man sending text message from wife's phone to her aunt that says, "Don't call me, kuttiya" without her knowing, because he doesn't want her to have contact with family
f) Man making false police call on FIL and BIL, resulting in them spending the night in a Lahore jail
I could go on. Thank god this behavior is overall not typical of hubby's family but is the work of a couple of really bad eggs who married in.