My prophet (P.B.U.H) said there are four main things people look for in a marriage.
Wealth
Family/Status
Looks.
Religion
He said put number 4 in number 1 spot.
I am simply proof of what the prophet said is right.
I pray that my Allah gives you whatever good thing you want.
Indeed there is someone out there who will marry me simply because I think like this, such a beautiful thing.
You are not too far off but have a problem stating your intentions. Marry whoever you like but be always sincere to yourself and her.
Indeed the first marriage of the prophet PBUH was with a rich influential woman who helped him through initial days of hardship. She RA proposed though, and he accepted. That is the big difference.
I have said this before, there is nothing wrong with asking for specific things in your spouse. I demanded few things and MA i got everything that i wanted in my husband. I wanted to marry a doctor because I hail from a family of doctors. I wanted someone who could blend and understand where we are coming from. Culturally I wanted someone of the similiar background because I wanted my life to be easy not trying to figure out what the other person is trying to say or the family is trying to do. MA I got that too.
My husband says he is the luckiest person in this world. I am a good wife and I know this because I go above and beyond from what a girl living in a huge city with minimal facilities can do. Its okay to ask for something you see will help you in the future. But don't make it the only reason to marry that person. I love my husband. Right now he doesn't make much because he just started his career. The minute he steps in the house, his food is ready in front of him. I asked for something that I wanted in my spouse but I didn't just marry him for that. I do a lot for his career and he and his family truly appreciates me for that.
Do what you think is best for you, don't get opinion about your life from people here. Everyone thinks differently.
If a girl asks for a doctor, she is a gold digger.
If a guy asks for a doctor, its his right and he is a "poor guy" with a JD and looking for a doctor-wife who can add to his personal wealth.
Anyone smell a double standard or sexism here?
You are confused. There is BIG difference. When a guy asks for a girl to have a decent education and a decent job, its understood that the guy keeps handsoff from girl's income. Most desi men know this and do exactly that.
When a girl wants a guy who is a doctor but with a condition that he is practicing in US but not in pakistan, only because she knows well a doctor in US gets paid more, is a stone cold gold digger. Our pushtoon friend here certainly doesnt qualify as he is inquiring simply on compatability reasons and not monetary.
Now the girl in the other thread demanding that the guy get education from certain school has clearly $ in mind and nothing else. Please dont confuse the issue.
You are confused. There is BIG difference. When a guy asks for a girl to have a decent education and a decent job, its understood that the guy keeps handsoff from girl's income. Most desi men know this and do exactly that.
When a girl wants a guy who is a doctor but with a condition that he is practicing in US but not in pakistan, only because she knows well a doctor in US gets paid more, is a stone cold gold digger. Our pushtoon friend here certainly doesnt qualify as he is inquiring simply on compatability reasons and not monetary.
Now the girl in the other thread demanding that the guy get education from certain school has clearly $ in mind and nothing else. Please dont confuse the issue.
what thread is that? lol how come I miss all the fun stuff! :D
I think at the end what matters is that he (pathan bhai :D) has good intentions for his wife, be supportive of the choices she makes, is sincere to her, respect her, her profession, and passions (passions can be different from profession). So, Pathan bhai, if you can commit to all of the above then I guess there is nothing wrong asking for a professional girl.
You can find such a girl both in States and Pakistan. If you decide to get married with a girl from Pakistan, make sure you give her a year or two to adjust and get into a professional life. Though I strongly believe that even if you marry a girl from states but a different city from yours, you'd still have to give her sometime to adjusted in the new city, get a job etc.
You are confused. There is BIG difference. When a guy asks for a girl to have a decent education and a decent job, its understood that the guy keeps handsoff from girl's income. Most desi men know this and do exactly that
I haven't read the full thing but I think people need to give this guy a break- just because someone knows exactly what type of person they might be compatible with doesn't mean they are being materialistic. Infact, I commend such attitude because these people have thought about what they want in their partners and are not afraid to admit it, unlike some guys (and girls) who say "Ammi apki marzi.." and then blame others for the rest of their lives.
To Pashtun- I think it's best to look within your network first since you have been to school here, and you would have met many people during that time. If not, ask your friends to look around. There are plenty of educated, religious girls in US who have their priorities straight and won't need to change to adjust themselves. Also, you would be able to meet and (hopefully) know the person beforehand.
As you said, it depends on the person- but I think it's wise to look in US first. Good Luck! =)
Architects are so well-respected in UK and earn a lot!
even artists are very well respected and can earn quite well ... it was only meant in a sarcastic way ... for some people women and architecture dont blend well ... especially in pakistan ... cuz you have to deal with the mazdoor class who dont take you seriously ... but that's changing too now ...
PashtunWarrior, we share many of the predicaments facing brothers in the West so I'll speak from the heart:
Finding the right Pakhtun girl to marry is going to be a challenge no doubt, but you're intentions are in the right place, so I hope Allah grants your humble request. You are quite successful in your career, connected to our culture, and religious (Ma'shallah), so there is plenty you're bringing to table. Do not let the haters on this community or in real life impact your decisions. Believe me, many here would rather listen to tales of misery rather of success.
That being said, some practical advice wrora: Have you considered marrying a Pakhtun girl from Afghanistan? I think you might be able to broaden your search if you consider that option. Due to the conflict, there are many well respected Afghan families in the US and I'm sure that it is worth the effort to seek out that person.
Also, you might want to check Europe and not limit the search to US/Pakistan. Marriage is no doubt a difficult decision, yet I am glad to see that you're approaching it the right way Unfortunately, I don't know anyone fitting your specifications within my professional circle (Banking) or personal one (US/Europe/Pekhawar). Many are already engaged, if not married. I am deferring marriage until the time is right, but look at it with much trepidation.
haan ji, kyun nai...you'll get a pathani, educated, religious, loving/caring to parents with a whip cream and cherry on top...Just be sure to take a full responsibility and be a supportive husband to whoever you/your parents decide to marry. You can find her in both countries as long as you're looking in right places!
After reading more of PW’s and other peoples responses… i dont see what is so wrong with wanting certain traits in a spouse. Sure, the part about only being an eng/doctor/lawyer was slightly demeaning… but having said that, how many desi parents allow their children to do anything other than that? You have to be in the science, business, engineering or law field to be elegible for marriage.. otherwise forget it. Oh, and teachers are great :k:
How many parents are in support of their kids becoming nurses? or how many parents are keen on wanting to marry a nurse? absurd notion… disgusts me too, but its reality. A really sad reality
Neways, besides the whole career path thingy majigy, i dont see anything wrong with the traits PW seeks.
And, people may be surprised or even shocked, but there are many girls in western countries who are willing to marry guys like PW.
What is so wrong with him? Oh, yes.. pathans are more attractive… watever
Marry whoever you feel will be a good life-partner for u. Dont worry which country is she raised in. Wish u all the very best. Marriage is always a very hard decision of life. Pray to Allah and go ahead with the girl you think will be best for you.
