oh i m coming to life1 forum after some months now…anyway actually i want some serious help from you gs people
my dearest couisn went abroad after wedding…as u know there is a huge difference between pak and west ..though she is a educated girl.very confident and moderen…not shy,also studied in co but she feels quite uncomfortable there because of there western style..his hubby took her to office parties ,friend parties,other get togethers where girls were wearing low necks(clevage were showing) ,shorts,backless,small frocks and all revealing clothes .she said i feel very awkward . hand shakes or sit together,touch each other while talking or taking snaps together while touching each other body is very common and thet dont feel it odd or akward..ofcourse thats part of there culture…his inlaws (males and females) went to some beach for picnic and there almost every female were in bikini ..she fely shy there..his hubby took her too cruise…again same problem…dance parties are comon where u easily mingle with each other..male females dancing together etc..when ever she disscuss this issue wih me i always say to her that with time u will be fine but she was not satisfied with my words..
girls how she cope this situation..?..dont advise that she avoids those parties and all because his hubby is very social …
i would love to hear from girls who went to west after wedding and faced similar situation…
Re: paki girl ,paki western guy and western culture
she should talk to her husband about it... but also try to broaden her own mind
if her husband is not asking her to wear such revealing clothing, nor dance with other men or have pictures taken where these men are touching her, then she really doesnt have a problem... how others dress, or dance or have their pics taken isnt her problem and she needs to see past all this
now if her hsuband expects her to wear revealing clothing, dance with strangers etc etc, then she has a problem... in either situation, she can just talk to her husband.. communication is the key.
she should talk to her husband about it... but also try to broaden her own mind
if her husband is not asking her to wear such revealing clothing, nor dance with other men or have pictures taken where these men are touching her, then she really doesnt have a problem... how others dress, or dance or have their pics taken isnt her problem and she needs to see past all this
now if her hsuband expects her to wear revealing clothing, dance with strangers etc etc, then she has a problem... in either situation, she can just talk to her husband.. communication is the key.
:)
yup.....as long as her husband doesnot force her to do the same...she should not be worried about others....afterall its their culture.....so she should show patience and open up her mind :)
Re: paki girl ,paki western guy and western culture
The husband takes her to the social events.........so it's not like he's embarrassed of her being more conservative.....which is a good thing. If he were ashamed.....or if he were forcing her to dress/act in a manner that goes against beliefs....she'd have bigger issues.
She can't control how the goray are dressing or behaving. They have confidence in who they are.........and the cousin needs to have confidence in who she is and hold her own.
I don't understand what the "question" in this thread is? If the only concern is that other people dress/behave differently.................then you can't do anything with that. Just deal with it. Can't make a masla out of something that really isn't your concern in the first place.
Maybe she can ask her husband to introduce her to friends/coworkers that she would have more things in common with...(similar personalities/interests, for example). She can try suggesting/making plans for other events.....something different from these parties. They can go out to the movies, theme parks, etc.
With time......you get used to an environment....and become more at ease with socializing.
Re: paki girl ,paki western guy and western culture
In the West there is much more of a live and let live approach to life. SHE shouldn't be threatened by revealing clothes and touching unless it directly involves her and her hubby. If that is the case, and she is uncomfortable, she should tell her hubby how she feels, without being accusing of him or feeling like she needs to do all the changing.
Re: paki girl ,paki western guy and western culture
Where do you live?? I am assuming Pakistan.
I don't think her husband is doing anything bad at all. That's how the culture is here. He isn't forcing her to wear anything she doesn't approve of. She needs to be more confident and secure about herself and where she is from. A lot of girls from our culture don't wear revealing clothes but still enjoy gatherings, outings etc.
People go to beaches all the time. What about couples who go to beaches for vacations. Not everyone wears bikinis. I go to pretty much every single place my husband goes to. From small office parties to big regional meetings. I never ever wear revealing clothes. We just enjoy. People drink, dance, hug etc but we and a lot of people like us are there to just enjoy and have a good time. My first vacation with my husband was a beach. We had a blast. and yeah I'll say it again, I don't wear revealing clothes whatsoever.
Your cousin needs to get used to the culture here. If you don't think something is right for you, don't do it but if you are going to gathering to have fun, socialize and have a good time what's wrong with that?
Re: paki girl ,paki western guy and western culture
Wow. So, would it be better if the husband didnt take her because he thought she was too backward for life abroad? Would that be more acceptable to her?
Bichari, life must be so tough for her…so much pressure and having to dress up for parties and then spending time with hubby.
Both you and your friend need to find things to occupy your time with.
Re: paki girl ,paki western guy and western culture
Backward? Since when did modesty become backwards?????
I don't think the girl is complaining, but mentioning a casual observation, and the fact that it made her uncomfortable. Everyone's been to a place that made them feel out of place and mentioned it to someone else. Welcome to the West...it's hard to get through a day without seeing too much skin. Youll get used to it, and Pretty soon you wont even have that much *haya *in you to even notice...and then you may do as you wish..
That said, it's a common issue among more modest Muslims living in the US..I rememeber us and few friends trying to find secluded areas at the beaches to avoid things like that every summer haha.... But I agree with the a previous poster that said that she married wrong guy for* her*....
oh i m coming to life1 forum after some months now...anyway actually i want some serious help from you gs people
my dearest couisn went abroad after wedding...as u know there is a huge difference between pak and west ..though she is a educated girl.very confident and moderen...not shy,also studied in co but she feels quite uncomfortable there because of there western style..his hubby took her to office parties ,friend parties,other get togethers where girls were wearing low necks(clevage were showing) ,shorts,backless,small frocks and all revealing clothes .she said i feel very awkward . hand shakes or sit together,touch each other while talking or taking snaps together while touching each other body is very common and thet dont feel it odd or akward..ofcourse thats part of there culture...his inlaws (males and females) went to some beach for picnic and there almost every female were in bikini ..she fely shy there..his hubby took her too cruise...again same problem...dance parties are comon where u easily mingle with each other..male females dancing together etc..when ever she disscuss this issue wih me i always say to her that with time u will be fine but she was not satisfied with my words..
girls how she cope this situation..?..dont advise that she avoids those parties and all because his hubby is very social ....
i would love to hear from girls who went to west after wedding and and suffered from similar situation...../QUOTE]
[quote="gulab_jamun"]
Backward? Since when did modesty become backwards?????
I don't think the girl is complaining, but mentioning a casual observation, and the fact that it made her uncomfortable. Everyone's been to a place that made them feel out of place and mentioned it to someone else. Welcome to the West...it's hard to get through a day without seeing too much skin. Youll get used to it, and Pretty soon you wont even have that much *haya *in you to even notice...and then you may do as you wish..
That said, it's a common issue among more modest Muslims living in the US..I rememeber us and few friends trying to find secluded areas at the beaches to avoid things like that every summer haha.... But I agree with the a previous poster that said that she married wrong guy for* her*.
I never said it was backward. My point is simply that her husband wants to keep her with him because he doesnt feel she is backward. However, would it be better for him to think she was and leave her home so she wouldnt have to suffer by hanging out with his friends/collueagues? Would that be better for her?
The OP is making it seem as if she is suffering and complaining. Thats what it looks like. Personally, she has it good. She has a man who wants to spend time with her. Usually women complain about not doing enough things together as a couple.
The question here is what should/could suhaina tell her friend?
Some of the reactions above are exagerated :s
The husband here doesnt seem like an average outgoing person, not everyone in the west goes to hundreds of parties and also a lot of pakistani families dont go to the beach in bikini, specially not mingled with guys(from family). That is not necessary at all, and also not what some have called 'way of living in west'...
so not true.
factors as how others behave cant be any different i guess...
Her inlaws are OTT modern i guess, in a good or bad wayy that depends on her ;)
oh i m coming to life1 forum after some months now...anyway actually i want some serious help from you gs people
my dearest couisn went abroad after wedding...as u know there is a huge difference between pak and west ..though she is a educated girl.very confident and moderen...not shy,also studied in co but she feels quite uncomfortable there because of there western style..his hubby took her to office parties ,friend parties,other get togethers where girls were wearing low necks(clevage were showing) ,shorts,backless,small frocks and all revealing clothes .she said i feel very awkward . hand shakes or sit together,touch each other while talking or taking snaps together while touching each other body is very common and thet dont feel it odd or akward..ofcourse thats part of there culture...his inlaws (males and females) went to some beach for picnic and there almost every female were in bikini ..she fely shy there..his hubby took her too cruise...again same problem...dance parties are comon where u easily mingle with each other..male females dancing together etc..when ever she disscuss this issue wih me i always say to her that with time u will be fine but she was not satisfied with my words..
girls how she cope this situation..?..dont advise that she avoids those parties and all because his hubby is very social ....
i would love to hear from girls who went to west after wedding and and suffered from similar situation...../QUOTE]
I never said it was backward. My point is simply that her husband wants to keep her with him because he doesnt feel she is backward. However, would it be better for him to think she was and leave her home so she wouldnt have to suffer by hanging out with his friends/collueagues? Would that be better for her?
The OP is making it seem as if she is suffering and complaining. Thats what it looks like. Personally, she has it good. She has a man who wants to spend time with her. Usually women complain about not doing enough things together as a couple.
u can have a good time together without going to these places,(whats the need to go to (drunk) parties :s) i dont agree with what ur saying and abviously she has to get used to her new life still.
Re: paki girl ,paki western guy and western culture
.Like me peronally I would not go on a cruise, because of the exact same sentiments that OP shares...Instead we do more road trips instead or just travel to places ...For beaches we find more secluded areas and go as a big group to enjoy the day.
I don't go to a lot of my own school parties, for various reasons, not just limited to clothing- but it is a factor- but also most of the time there is alcohol and such, and so I avoid that.too ..but I have enough of a social with my extended family and friends that share my values and that I don't really need that.
What she can do is maybe reorient her hubby into more Muslim based activities like volunteering, or social activites through the masjid and find more like minded people. But's it's tough if hubby and wife aren't on the same page about it.
Great Stuff Khawateen …