paki girl ,paki western guy and western culture

[Reha]

oh i m coming to life1 forum after some months now...anyway actually i want some serious help from you gs people

my dearest couisn went abroad after wedding...as u know there is a huge difference between pak and west ..though she is a educated girl.very confident and moderen...not shy,also studied in co but she feels quite uncomfortable there because of there western style..his hubby took her to office parties ,friend parties,other get togethers where girls were wearing low necks(clevage were showing) ,shorts,backless,small frocks and all revealing clothes .she said i feel very awkward . hand shakes or sit together,touch each other while talking or taking snaps together while touching each other body is very common and thet dont feel it odd or akward..ofcourse thats part of there culture...his inlaws (males and females) went to some beach for picnic and there almost every female were in bikini ..she fely shy there..his hubby took her too cruise...again same problem...dance parties are comon where u easily mingle with each other..male females dancing together etc..when ever she disscuss this issue wih me i always say to her that with time u will be fine but she was not satisfied with my words..

girls how she cope this situation..?..dont advise that she avoids those parties and all because his hubby is very social ....

i would love to hear from girls who went to west after wedding and faced similar situation.....

@dulhan2b

u can have a good time together without going to these places,(whats the need to go to (drunk) parties :s) i dont agree with what ur saying and abviously she has to get used to her new life still.

Can you please highlight where in the OP's post she talks about her friend's husband getting drunk or where she mentions alcohol? Also, every person's concept of fun is different. Her husband likes to go out, she likes to stay in. There should be a compromise and also some sort of adaptation to each other's lifestyle. Not to say she should do all the adjusting but how can HE control what other women wear? Why should I stop walking on the beach because other people cannot seem to keep it covered?

[gulab_jamun]

Re: paki girl ,paki western guy and western culture

^ I don't think it's teh fact that OP likes to stay in, but just that those activities/places make her feel uncomfortable. Reha that maybe comfortable for you, but it may not be for her...

So OP friend/cuzin needs to

1. Talk about it to her hubby, maybe he'll be understanding and sympathetic to her concerns, and maybe be willing to change or make changes....She needs to approach him about it
2. Find people that share her values, sentiments
3. Do activities with them, or find other modesty- inclined activities, that substitue office parties, cruises. Road trips are good, so are theme parks, or just plain travel to other countries. There are many masjid related activities that go on throout the year that she could get involved in, make friends have house parties with.

[funky_nails]

Re: paki girl ,paki western guy and western culture

@ Reha: i didnt say that her husand is getting drunk... read my post carefully.

@ Gulab jamun: agree with you.

[Princess1983]

@Reha

Wow. So, would it be better if the husband didnt take her because he thought she was too backward for life abroad? Would that be more acceptable to her?

Bichari, life must be so tough for her…so much pressure and having to dress up for parties and then spending time with hubby.

Both you and your friend need to find things to occupy your time with.

Suffering

I agree with Reha, and will add my own bits too.

I think if a brother doesn’t introduce his wife to the culture around him he can sometimes get shot down for not treating his wife as an equal/or accepting her for being from outside his cultural surroundings. He in my humble opinion has done the right thing, however the sister now needs to explain in a non-judgemental way how she feels about going to parties/mixed sex gatherings etc.

If the couple plans to settle in the ‘west’ prehaps the sister needs to accept that noone can control the people around them-not even in Pakistan or other Muslim countries let alone the west. As long as we follow the Islamic principles and rules, we’re fine to live and co-exist amongst the west. To be honest, surely the sister was partically prepared for a culture shock?

I know sisters born in the west who feel very uncomfortable in beach/party surroundings, I personally go to the beach to enjoy the seaside air and build sandcastles. I pick a quiet spot, and settle down for the day.

The sister OP is referring to is best advised in my humble opinion to speak to her husband, explain she feels flattered her husband wishes to take her to parties and so on however they are not her scene. If she explains it’s her own personal preference and she would love to spend time with him in other ways (e.g. walks in parks/gardens?! etc) he’ll hopefully see it’s nothing personal against her husbands friends/activities it’s the fact for her she doesn’t find the activities comfortable.

[PyariCgudia]

Re: paki girl ,paki western guy and western culture

In America, at least, going to work parties is kinda a necessity. You're seen as antisocial if you don't and it can affect your employement. You'll be quicker to get fired, and less likely to get promoted if people don't like you at work. And not showing up to work parties will land you into that rep easily.

However, some of us can get away with excuses - oh I have family visiting, or I had already made dinner plans with the wife for that evening, etc.

He doesn't have to take her, but she should be happy he's not doing anything behind her back. He could easily go to those paries without her and do God knows what.

If I were her, I'd go, but if you're comfortable in moderate dress, then by all means dress modestly. Isn't that part of Islam? That you put forth an example to others? You can't do that if you hide in your home and never go out in public.

Maybe some people may get curious of her and learn more about our culture and Islam, and may respect it more.

I'd tell her to go with her husband and enjoy his company at these parties. If the other ladies wanna be lude, then let them. It's their life, their choice.