how do you deal with MIL who are not obviously hurtful/mean/rude, but get away with being hurtful/mean/rude by saying things in such a quiet, respectful voice that you have to think twice about whether she is or isnt being a meani....shes not mean to me...
however, my hsband decided he wanted to buy a dinner set from pakistan as its cheaper there, and his mother said isnt that saras mums job to buy the dinner sets as jahez....now ive been told she laughed when she said this and it was meant to be a joke....i do not think so. her jokes are always meant to mean something.
i don not understand these people who say they do not want jahez yet talk behind your back if that rule is then obeyed...my mother actually gave alot of stuff, but these tiny weeny things like plates are also expcted.....my mum is angry with me for letting him buy his own dinner set....she said she was going to because other wise people will talk...wtf..
im seething with anger as im writing this, i am no fan of our culture and this is making me hate it even more. and also dislike my MIL. these may sound like little things, but i get angry and dhatred for her is beginning to grow on me. its not the first time she says these things, she says other smallish things that are quite infuriating, like she once said about her other son and my sister get along well, so people talk about them 2. so she once said why wud my son like her , i have so many beautful girls in my own family...ok so she said it in urdu and it was slightly differently put, but she meant that my sister wasnt pretty enough, and that her own side of the family had better looking girls....
my sister is darker than me, while they are fairer, ....she says things in such nice ways you have to wonder what she means...but i know shes being a b****................ arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I would have asked hubby to speak to his Mum in a nice way, to back off and stop the snide remarks. Something like 'u know I love u but it upsets me to hear u speak to my wife in this way and I'm afraid it will affect our relationship if this carries on.' Lots of desi Mums treat their sons like little princes so imo if she hears** he** is upset by it that might do the trick.The last bit about ur sister is shocking, I have a close family member who sounds similar to ur MIL and made a comment about my brother's fiancee not being v fair and how strange it is that my brother turned down other lighter-skinned girls and chose her, I know it would break her heart if she ever heard about it and tbh it hurts me to hear her being spoken about in that way as well.
Problem is, if no-one sets ur MIL straight (ur husband or maybe even ur FIL should have a word with her) she will continue to go thru life thinking she can trample all over ppl. Yes, she deserves respect, but doesn't give her the right to treat others like sh*t. I know a lot of ppl think us girls should just be patient and put up with it but from experience I have seen women (and men) who behave this way and are never pulled up on it become bullies and the resentment that the DIL feels just festers and can lead to it affecting her previously good relationship with her husband. If MIL feels she can get away with being like that with u, she will prob do the same with the next 'new' DIL and the next one and the next one... I feel quite strongly that no-one should be able to get away with this sort of behaviour whether they are family or not.