how do you deal with MIL who are not obviously hurtful/mean/rude, but get away with being hurtful/mean/rude by saying things in such a quiet, respectful voice that you have to think twice about whether she is or isnt being a meani…shes not mean to me…
however, my hsband decided he wanted to buy a dinner set from pakistan as its cheaper there, and his mother said isnt that saras mums job to buy the dinner sets as jahez…now ive been told she laughed when she said this and it was meant to be a joke…i do not think so. her jokes are always meant to mean something.
i don not understand these people who say they do not want jahez yet talk behind your back if that rule is then obeyed…my mother actually gave alot of stuff, but these tiny weeny things like plates are also expcted…my mum is angry with me for letting him buy his own dinner set…she said she was going to because other wise people will talk…wtf..
im seething with anger as im writing this, i am no fan of our culture and this is making me hate it even more. and also dislike my MIL. these may sound like little things, but i get angry and dhatred for her is beginning to grow on me. its not the first time she says these things, she says other smallish things that are quite infuriating, like she once said about her other son and my sister get along well, so people talk about them 2. so she once said why wud my son like her , i have so many beautful girls in my own family…ok so she said it in urdu and it was slightly differently put, but she meant that my sister wasnt pretty enough, and that her own side of the family had better looking girls…
my sister is darker than me, while they are fairer, …she says things in such nice ways you have to wonder what she means…but i know shes being a b****… arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
A get-around solution to this problem would be to simply ignore such things and hope that she improves with time. But that depends alot on how is your behavoir with her, how much do you contribute in helping around the house etc.
I think its not very polite of her to say things like that, but you know people talk and sometimes they do irritating things. Being too sensitive to stuff like this can be a major bummer as its something very common in our culture to say stuff like this.
If however nothing works, then I guess you will have to come up with some witty remarks of your own, but its a slippery slope from there.
we are living here in the uk. so he was buying dishes from pak as they are cheaper there. he will bring the dishes here..so thats why she was joking about my mother buying them for us as jahez....
sorry sara, generally speaking people get greedier during weddings... and this mentality of "people will talk" "people talk" "who is giving what"..."who receives what and how much" sounds very passé ...old school..and uneducated..this aunty mentality should be outlawed..and you should buy what you want..and need.
so i wouldnt care much about what she is expecting....unless you or your MIL is hosting the queen...expensive china should not be a priority right now :) if she insists..have your husband buy it, since you, him...and his family will be eating off it (if you are living with your inlaws)
Waise I think sara is not really just concerned with a stupid dinner set, I think sara is probably mentioning the underlying problem with her MIL which obviously has more depth than a mere dinner set.
^yeah thats why i said........i wouldnt care much of her expectations....
and the real "depth" of the MIL's issue is most probably not much deep either..LOL
so sara..let go of the anger..and ignore her while you can..will you be living with her?
really its not an issue..once you go past her early and immediate "what did you bring" conversations..with a strong positive attitude..you wont have to deal with it later..or ever..
ANDDDDDDDDDDDD to top it off, my husband whose coming back next week, ( i came back ealier ) he told me that when i had left the same day she was sorting out my leftover stuff. which i had shoved in a suitcase. but that woman decided to open it and startsorting it out and now its all sorted whatever that means....however i find it really odd and rude that she decided to go thru the suitcase. he told me only because he was saying how his mum doesnt stop working even though shes had an operation......i was annoyed she went thru my stuff. even though i brogut most of it back with me. im puzzled at her.and i cant say anything to him because thats his mum. and these are small things....so should i ignore?
^lol. i know how frustrated you are, trust me. been there done that but that's just how it is in Pakistan, you gotta let it go otherwise you will drive yourself crazy.
Before I left I sorted out mine and hubby's room how we wanted it, sorted out all his clothes; he knew where I had put everything plus I neatly had all my stuff in one cupboard for next time I go. I came back to the UK, hubby came a short time after when he got his spouse visa (just for a holiday as he's finishing his degree), when he went back he said his mum had decided to go though all our stuff and re-organised it how she thought fit, including putting lots of stuff away in suitcases so half his clothes has disappeared!
I know I'm probably gonna get blasted for saying this but a lot of that generation of women in Pak just don't have much going on in their lives, especially no control. So when they get a bit of something they can control they go to the extreme.
Just chill, accept that's how she is and you will be a lot happier. Don't let anything she does take you by surprise or make you angry.
EVEN if you are right too, men don't want to keep hearing about this stuff so if you don't want to make your hubby annoyed just don't mention it unless it's something worth mentioning.
ushld know hw to answer such saas for e.g when she said
isnt that saras mums job to buy the dinner sets as jahez
your ans: haan per mumy aaj kal kaun yeh sab sochta hai aab woh zamana kahan raha ( n thn brag abt wat most expensive thing ur mom gave u for eg if its gold in a silent decent way & thn laugh it off)
why wud my son like her , i have so many beautful girls in my own family
your ans: hahah haan bolne waley to kuch bi boldetey hai aap aise sochein bi na..aap yeh imagine karein hamri family mein kisi ne sarah(for eg ur sis name) ko bipasha se bi compare kia tha aaj kal to sari actresses bi sawli hoti haai na haha laugh it off
joke n answer back something tht is intellgent but no one cn get back at u fr it cuz it wld sound lame...NEVER EVER SHUT UP!!!!
dont be disrespectful but be hazir jawab...NEVER complain to ur hubby tht ur mom said tht!!! its between u n ur MIL dunt get hubby involved u need to learn hw to handle ur situations n she needs to know tht her typical saas attitude wldnt work wid u...be hazir jawab not disrespectful...if u shut up n let her get away wid it shelldo n njot it more!
You are buying something which you need and your husband is supporting you. You don't need much more than that. People will make remarks now and then which will annoy you but as hard as it maybe we have to just suck it up for our own well being and sanity.
Oh! I thought your MIL was gonna buy the dinner set. Sorry.
Eh, then let her talk. Finances between you and your husband and how they’re spent is between the two of you.
In one ear and out the other.
You know what my mom does with her inlaws? Because they do some of this meethi - churi type stuff. She just doesn’t talk to them on the phone - she tells my dad flat out - I’m not saying more than a salaam to your mother and I will not speak to your sister period.
It actually works out. When my mom does go to Pakistan, my dad is like -yeah, stay at your home, don’t stay with my family because they’re crazy. And so we’ll go like 1 or 2 weekends at our daadi’s house, and so they are SUPER NICE because that’s really all the time they’re going to get with us. And as she doesn’t talk most of the year with her SIL, when they do get together, they actually have fun shopping and stuff.
And as she doesn’t talk most of the year with her SIL, when they do get together, they actually have fun shopping and stuff.
