Overwhelmed

Sara516 · November 7, 2014, 3:13am

Re: Overwhelmed

I’m meeting his mom for a day in a few weeks for the first time, so I’m not entirely sure how to bring up the cost. I’m assuming they’ll offer to split the cost but then again its just an assumption. I don’t know if his parents will split the cost for everything else aside from the walima just because coincidentally they’re looking to buy a customized estate here for retirement, which means they’ll liquify all or most assets. I know my fiance is insisting on splitting the cost but ultimately his parents will end up having the final say. So it’s more of a waiting game at this point which is nerve wrecking. You’re right $40 per head would come up to $6000 for 150 ppl. But I meant $5000 for food+decor/staging+little things for only 80 ppl since im trying to cut costs.
To be honest I don’t want to burden family members with hosting my dholki because after all everyone has their own family to consider bc she is my Khala so hence a second mom but my khalu may not necessarily feel the same need to host a dholki…again these are assumptions.
As for mehendi it’ll be done together but I have a feeling that the more fiance and I choose and have a say, the more likely the in laws are to shove the bill at us. Which is what I’m preparing for, just in case. My in laws together probably earn 6 times the annual income I do, but I’m trying not to have any expectations just in case i end up feeling disappointed.

MALAL on HUM TV

It’s such an awkward conversation
So my in laws are in a diff country and fiance doesn’t want to have the cost convo over the phone with his parents so he hasn’t mentioned anything yet. He is flying out to the U.S. a week before I drive up there so that he can get a chance to discuss things with his mom, time will be of the essence since his mom is primarily there on a business trip. By the time I get to see her there is a possibility he may have spoken to her about splitting the cost or at least about future plans and that’s where I come in and maybe there could be a discussion of some sort. As for weddings in his family; his parents footed the entire bill for all events and all the outfits were by some indian designers like her engagement outfit was by Vikram Phadnis, her mehendi dress by Sabyasachi and Sana Safinaz for Nikkah and I’m not sure what her bridal and walima outfits were. Fiancés parents split costs on the walima as well for his older sister. That is overwhelming and unrealistic (unless I take a loan from the bank) for me if they expect me to do the same. Keep in mind his parents were by far more well off than the groom’s family. As for personality his mom is very quiet on the phone but from what I’ve heard she’s talkative in person, I’ve been told his dad let’s the mom make the decisions however he gets the final nay or yay. I’ll have to wait and see…till then i should save.
My fiancé does have savings but we wanted to use that and my savings for a down payment on a house. He has an income (he started a distribution company on a medium scale recently so there is revenue but profit margins are steadily increasing but not enough, on the side he flips in real estate which is dependent on hot months, and he changed his field so his income is not a lot now because he is back in school full time to complete required certifications in his new field, if/once that kicks off then he’ll continue with the side business he has as well, but that could take a year or so.

That’s…so much more detail you really don’t need to get into esp on here. It doesn’t matter what they did for their daughter, you’re not their daughter, and it really doesn’t matter what someone elses family did either.

Dholkis are hosted by family members, YOU don’t pay for anything! Is your mom helping/advising you on any of this (not financially but in other ways)?

Don’t go broke trying to do everything their way if they’re not willing to help out…it isn’t fair and blahblahblah ppl will tell you life isn’t fair we all know that but still…why ruin your own future over a party? there’s so many events and costs that can be cut if cost is the biggest issue…everyone will whine and complain but they’re not paying so ignore them.