I think I am sufferring from this disease in the highest degree, to an unhealthy level and I seriously want to get over it as its landed me in many problems already.
Like I want everyone whom I care about to be MINE and ME to be most important for them, which is a childish and unrealistic expectation/wish. If they get too friendly with others or too nice to others, I start feeling jealous
I noticed today, that I have 2 close female friends in my office and when they talk to other female colleagues I feel this tinge…of…ummm…jealousy I was shocked at how I was feeling…
When my older female cousin bajis were getting married when I was a kid, I used to feel jealous of their husbands to be and pray that they never get married
When my close friends make new friends I start getting jealous…I should be secure and feel that our relationship is special no matter what right? Then why do I feel jealous?
Even my maid, when she was leaving us and going to a new employer, and when she came back and said how good the new baji is…I felt hecka jealous…
I hate feeling this…I want to have a big heart and I dont wana be like this. I want to be free of this feeling of jealousy/possessiveness but somehow it always kicks in and then sometimes even makes me act irrationally and be mean to people who don’t deserve the unneccessarry meanness I direct towards them coz I’m jealous of them for no fault of theirs. I try to kill the feeling and not have it but each time in a new situation it comes back like as if its a part of my nature.
All people need to have stable relationships with parents during their formative years. We need relationships that are constant, nurturing, and caring in order to develop a sense of security and a the knowledge that someone will care for us. Our self-esteem depends on these early connections with constant loved ones who let us know that we are the most important person in the world. We need to know that nothing we do will stop that love. This unconditional love is a necessary condition for healthy development.
If these relationships do not develop we feel insecure and uncertain about the stability in our lives. If a parent is often unavailable or is self-centered, the child does not get that sense of security and specialness. The child may develop a longing for that constant loved one who adores him/her. As an adult this person wants to possess others to quiet that sense of anxiety, emptiness, and insecurity, just as s/he wanted to possess the unstable or unavailable parent. S/he may constantly search for that which was missing during those earlier years. And when s/he believes s/he has found someone to fulfill that role, s/he becomes possessive and jealous. When s/he feels hurt, s/he turns off emotionally as a form of self-protection. The hurt reactivates the childhood pain and fears. S/he then becomes angry, and blames others for the hurt. Reactions are usually more intense than the situation warrants since s/he is expressing the hurt and anger that has been lingering since childhood.
S/he wants a person all to him or herself, not wishing to share him or her with anyone, much as the child wants to possess its mother (or primary caregiver). This behavior often frightens their partners off. No one can fill that earlier hunger or make him/her feel as special as s/he needs to feel. Psychotherapy can help these individuals to understand their early childhood and its impact on adult development. Through the relationship with the psychotherapist, they can work through their early hurt and learn new and more effective ways of relating to themselves and others
r u saying i have had a deprived childhood and need psychotherapy? :o alhamdulillah thats not the case… in fact totally opposite, Alah ka shukar hae…my parents, grandparents, brothers, aunties and uncles, cousins everyone in my famly has always loved me a lot and i never lacked any of that Allah ka shukar hae…
i dont think thats a problem…ive been like this since a kid tho
as a kid, i used to love my nani ji most in this world [may Allah grant her heaven inshallah] … i used to get jealous of my younger brother when nani used to turn her face towards his side on the bed :o we used to sleep on the same bed, all three of us…nani ji in middle and my brother and me on both sides…and i used to throw tantrums if nani ji turned face towards him, go away and hide under the bed
and no I didnt say that. But its just something, u cant do annything about it directly I think.
I heard a diary or a personal book can help.
f.e. write down the things that happened during a day/ moment.
and ofcourse you will read it all back, which will make you think about it.
I know some peeple whp have the same issues but its nothing to bad I guess I mean, they do get jealous tooooo fast, but passes quicklya swell
goodluck
p.s. dont ever say your abnormal I v seen/known abnormal peepe and believe me, they dont sound like you
awww ur not abnormal, the least bit actually. I think every human goes thru a bit of jealousy, some of us a bit more.
maybe try making new aquaintances.. so when ur friends are talking to their new friends you have someone else to talk to.. that way you wont be paying attention to them..
you are perfectly normal becuase you are not the only one dealing with “Me n only Me” phenomenon.. i am exactly the same way, and everyopne thinks just becuase I was the center of attention since my childhood (being 6 yrs. younger than my sis), now I can’t see other ppl taking my place.. its weird but I used to be jealous of my bro-in-law but now I have realized that Mashallah she is living a happy life just because of jeeja jee so there is no point of getting jealous of him for whatsoever reasons..I am gulity of getting jealous even if my friends talk about their fiance’s :$..come on its not a big deal, getting jealous is not the end of world.. it just shows that you love and care for the ppl most and expect the same thing in return.
well, when you feel bad just ignore whats bothering you and try to get yourself involved in something interesting.. trust me that feeling would vanish away and you would enjoy your own little time in your own little world rather than being jealous of everyone who is trying to be friend with some of your friends.
take a knife, tell ur friends you own them and they are not allowed to talk to anybody but you and wave the knife as you shout with spit coming out of ur mouth
When ur done, no body will ever talk to you. You wont have any friends and nobody will make u jealous again. thats what i did :(
Irem! you are not the only one who is having such feelings or overpossessive I think its natural that if you love some one or if you cares about someone you always wanted him/her to be always with you .
Sometimes I also feels disgusting that Why do i feel so unsecure and overpossessive but now I realized that it doesn’t mean to be unsecure , actually its surity that you really love and care about someone and right it could be any one( mom,dad ,friends,massii ,teachers, colleague..) So no need to worry its all normal.
Irem! when i m having such feelings i just wanted to kill and cut him/her to thousands countless pieces:disgust: When i was just 3yrs old i also tried to kill my brother because of jealousy and fear that hw will take m y toys and wll share ami abu :s
Irem,
i think almost everybody has such feelings at one time or another to one extent or another...no one can deny that. i sometimes feel that way too, but i think to overcome this, we have to work on our inner confidence and be sure of who we are, where we stand and what we mean to the people we care that much about. if we know how important we are for someone we won't be jealous. i have tried this and it works out, at least sometimes! :)
even for the jealousy among lovers, the real reason behind is being unsure of one's self and importance for the other. a guy gets jealous when his girl looks at or talks to other guys in an over interested way, same goes for a girl. now if both know how important they are for each other and how much the other loves them and are sure they wouldnt leave them for someone else, this insecurity wouldnt arise in the first place. and to be sure we are loved i guess one must offer love first and communicate properly. but we humans are still too out of practise with these little things that matter in everyday life...
i had that problem with my cousin, i mean she was the one jealous that i had lots of friends, that i talked to them abt personal stuff etc etc…
irem, you need to get the relationship aspect sorted, remember that you are special in your own way to these ppl in question, whenever my friends tell me abt the ppl they meet etc i know that to them i am special in a completely different light
takes abit of sorting, but i really think it ought to be done, it can get really really buggersome if someone keeps having a go at you for not spending enough quality time with them
irem, I think a very positive thing here is that you have acknowledged you have an issue that needs to be dealt with. That is always the first step.
Unlike what others are saying here, I do not believe it is healthy and normal, it isnt. Not to this degree it isnt. It can make your life and other peoples lives a bit difficult. Especially your spouse.
Let me look up some information and then post it, and insha'Allah it will give you some ideas that will be of benefit to you and everyone. hugz
I think it's a great trait and shows great loyalty...It gives everyone who is your friend a sense of being special and cared for...
I had a couple of friends who were very possesive about our friendship, and in their company I always felt very safe and secure...
One of my friends was actually so possesive he would get upset if I talked with any other person in his company...I believe such people are very loyal and great friends to those that become their friends...
irem, it’s natural, but it’s also habit forming hai na? it gets worse if not checked in time… try to recognise the warning signs of ur jealousy and when u feel it creeping up on u, talk yourself out of it, or find something else to occupy your thoughts. a certain amount of jealousy is a good thing, but if it is turning you into a nag, then u need to change ur behaviour. hey, at least u are honest enough to face ur shortcomings, that is a definite strength :k: one thing is for sure, u are such an affectionate person that you will have a high place in the hearts of ur friends
one of my friends from high school is a lil bit like that … i was one of her “best friends” but she had another “best friend” too lolz. newayz, we always had a great time hanging out together, but if the three of us ever hung out, she’d act real petty. i figured she didn’t like to share friends, so dosti ke khaatir i didn’t pursue a friendship with the other girl. u know what, unfortunately, she hasn’t changed. jealousy can deprive you and others of so many good times.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Munni: *
irem, I think a very positive thing here is that you have acknowledged you have an issue that needs to be dealt with. That is always the first step.
Unlike what others are saying here, I do not believe it is healthy and normal, it isnt. Not to this degree it isnt. It can make your life and other peoples lives a bit difficult. Especially your spouse.
[/QUOTE]
I would have to agree with Munni. From the sounds of it (and granted, I may be wrong since I do not know you so take what I say with a grain of salt), it sounds as if you suffer from some sort of attention problem ... mainly, you want it on you all the time. There really is not anything normal about being overly possessive and getting jealous all the time. Hmm, perhaps you are overly insecure which is why you need so much attention? Maybe Munni's articles can help you out.
but its nothing to bad I guess 
ur not abnormal, the least bit actually. I think every human goes thru a bit of jealousy, some of us a bit more.
feel so unsecure and overpossessive but now I realized that it doesn’t mean to be unsecure , actually its surity that you really love and care about someone and right it could be any one( mom,dad ,friends,massii ,teachers, colleague..) So no need to worry 
its all normal.
lolz. newayz, we always had a great time hanging out together, but if the three of us ever hung out, she’d act real petty. i figured she didn’t like to share friends, so dosti ke khaatir i didn’t pursue a friendship with the other girl. u know what, unfortunately, she hasn’t changed. jealousy can deprive you and others of so many good times.