Outcast

Lifestyle Relationships
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:teary2:

I was forced by my hubby to go to a family gathering last night…there were around 200 people there…and I was completely outcast…everyone spoke to my sister, my cousins etc…played with their kids and asked them about life…I was like the old widow woman sat in the corner of the room…not even my mum turned to speak to me…to ask me if I was OK…even my closest cousins giggled and laughed and stopped to speak with my sister…but just totally ignored me…

My crime…not having children…

I know it seems like I have been resentful and going on about it so much recently, but I can’t even begin to explain how I have been outcast and how I am treated…zamana barah zalim hai…and our jamaat are so backward thinking and no other word for it but STUPID…

Now my mum and sister don’t want to stay and have fun with me…my sister won’t let me spend time with her little boy, even though he wants to and keeps running after me shouting “Gori khala”…she says she didn’t drive 2 hours to come shopping and exploring with me…she’s off to go visit the very people who started this revolt against me…my so called cousin and his wife and kids…

Yah Allah…what can I do??
Last night even my husband cried himself to sleep because he hates what’s happening to me…
Of course they don’t say anything to him, because in the eyes of our people, he can just go and find another wife…

No point to this post really…just to RANT:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

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Re: Outcast

I hope thing work out fine for you.

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Re: Outcast

Hope everything works out for ya.

Your prayers will surely one day be answered.

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I cant beleive people can be so nasty! :mad:

Hang in there girl :hug:

I hope you have a baby soon. :hug:

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inshallah everything will be alright. just pray five times a day in sajdah and u will inshallah become a mother soon.

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:hugz:

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Wannabeamum, listen, when the time is right, you will become a mother, God willing. Remember, God is the BEST planner, says so in the Quran over and over again.

In the mean time, I must say, I'm very disappointed in your husband. He doesn't seem capable of standing up for your dignity. If his family or the community in general treats you like this, he should sever ties with said community, they have shown their true colors, I say to hell with them.

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:hugz: :hugz:

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wannabe a mum,

It's time for you to create a new social circle for yourself that will be supportive and be your friends. It's unfortunate that desis are conditioned to stick to their "kind" despite all the abuse and negativity. Go outside the abusers' circle and find happiness in new and decent friends.

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Re: Outcast

Oh my god im really shocked by reading this. I cant believe how backwards ppl r in this day and age. Completely uncivilised and jahil. Im shocked at ur familys reaction tho. Can i ask r u gujerati? The reason why i ask is cos i know of sum gujerati families in London who hav relatives up north and they tell me how different their lives r in bolton and Lancaster are compared to London. But i do know from my gujerati friends in London that their community is very close knit indeed and they do tend to keep to "their own kind". Im shocked at the level of jahalat shown by ur own family. Sorry but it is.

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Re: Outcast

I can well imagine how bad things can be as have seen this in my own family as well.

But at the end of the day you have to be take it as Allah's Will and keep praying. And not stop praying for a minute. People who pray Tahajjud have told me with their experience that prayers are answered 100% at that time.

My prayers for you..

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Re: Outcast

oh god , that is truly horrible . wanna b a mum jus b strong n inshallah allah will answer ur prayers soon . i will pray for u . rough times come in life bt wat doesnt kill u makes u stronger. i cnt bleev dt ur own mum n sister wud act like dis . if dese ppl wnt to b horrible to u js dont meet dem u n ur husband shud nt let dese ppl affect ur life. just stay good wid each other . i feel so sad readin dis , i cnt even imagine hw u feel. dis world is indeed a horrible place to be in . but sister hang in dere all will b well . inshallah.

:hug:

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Re: Outcast

Are u sure your mom and sister would leave u out like that?
Is it possible that they may not actually mean what you
think they do?

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Re: Outcast

I am so sorry that you are in this situation, and I pray that you will conceive when the time is right. I can't imagine that your mother meant to ignore you, or that your sister would deliberately cut you out. I know what it is like to be an outcast, although for a different reason, and what it's like to stand on the sidelines at desi functions sometimes even listening to people talking about you.

Try to keep your distance from them, if possible, and take a mini-vacation with your husband.

You are in my prayers.

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Re: Outcast

i've no words to console u , but just a little idea ............ try to join a support group with other couples out there who're in similar situation as u , this way u won't feel left out , and try to spend more time with them .......... keep yrself busy with something like job, outdoor activities , volunteer or community work etc

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Hey wanna be mum

dont feel so dishearted,InshAllah u will be mom soon.Just pray and be hopefull.

You are in my prayers .

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Sorry to say but what kind of retarded relatives you have. It is understandable if inlaws exhibit such moronic behaviour, but how can you sister and mother do this ? It is beyond my comprehension.

On a second thought, you might be exagerating here :hoonh:
In a bid to make people feel sorry for you. Your mother and sister might be acting normal but you want them to pay extra attention to you and pamper you, as if God forbid you have some disablity.

You need to come out of this halo of self pity. And get over it. If your sister and mother are not feeling sorry for you and not paying extra attention to you then probably they are doing the right thing. Because, otherwise it can further make you vulnerable, emotionally.

Having kids is a blessing of God, May Allah bless you too. ameen

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your making this up in your head, you need to relax otherwise you will ruin your marriage. when the time is right and it is ALLAH's will you will have a baby, in the mean time you need to build your confidence. the way you just made that up that 200 people were ignoring you, i would cry too if i was your husband. Look into adoption if its making you depressed, plenty of beautiful children who need homes and love.

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:hug:

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I wish I'd never posted here....I did it in the heat of the moment........whilst I have had some grat reassuring PM's and thanks guys fo rthe kind words that have been posted....BUT, to those guys saying I am exaggerating, I'm making it up, and that you're not surprised my husband cries.............LET ME MAKE IT CLEAR.......I am NOT exaggerating...it's your chioice to believe me.....but I AM MOST CERTAINLY NOT MAKING IT UP...............

What these people are doing is kicking me when I am down, making me feel like the smallest most useless piece of rubbish on Allah's earth............and you know what? My husband cried because he saw for himself that day that what I have been telling him all this time, about my cousins, and even his sister is true......he cried because he wants my suffering to end, he wants the bubbly person he married to come back.....and while all this goes on, he knows he will never have that back....I cry too, but NOT out of SELF PITY.......I cry because I hurt inside for not being able to make my husband a father YET....but I have Insha Allah prepared us for the heirafter......................I make dua to the extreme that let me die once I have given birth to my husband's child, all I want is for him to savour being a father to someone who calls him "abu".............

You see there it is, even in these posts, making out that I am deranged, that I am "pagal" that I am deluded...........as long as this sort of comment goes on, unfortunate people like me will always be left out because instead of moving on, we will always be stunting our rate of progression.
I am in no way stupid, I do not have unrealistic expectations, I am an educated intelligent person, but nobody in this day rates me for that..............no, to our people success is measured on the basis of "Kitne bache hai tumhareh?"

I AM NOT trying to make people feel sorry for me, quite the opposite, I am trying my hardest to highlight the plight of women like me, because not for one minute can I believe that I am going through this alone......................

I am very grateful to Allah SWT for everything he has given me......................

Oh and on the note that my mum and sister don't mean it, or that I am exaggerating to blow things out of proportion.........comments such as "Oh get a life" from my sister when I say to my mum "Maa, I want a baby, Maa, maine kyah gunah kiya hai, mujhe ek aulad chahyeh".................
That's unreasonable isn't it?????

Yes, Amani06...I am gujerati!!

Anyway, I am hurting too much...nobody apart fro me knows how much it hurts, nobody knows what I am going through right now....and unfortunately for me, the only option appears to be to just run away and vanish..............but I am not such a pathar dil, quite the opposite actually, because I know that if that happened, what would happen to my husband........??? Part of me says that after sometime he would carry on as normal, part of me knows that some people will be telling him it's a good thing....but decisions like that are very hard to make and for me, I know there would never be any coming back once I'd done it....

Who knows? May Allah SWT protect you all from what I am going through, and may HE grant each and every childless muslim with children to ease the heartache.............