your making this up in your head, you need to relax otherwise you will ruin your marriage. when the time is right and it is ALLAH's will you will have a baby, in the mean time you need to build your confidence. the way you just made that up that 200 people were ignoring you, i would cry too if i was your husband. Look into adoption if its making you depressed, plenty of beautiful children who need homes and love.
I don't believe i said that all 200 people ignored me........................if you got that understanding then sorry......but no way am I deluded that 200 people would ignore me!
So EASY to say..............yes it is making me depressed, but that statement makes it sound so easy to "cure"......................IF ONLY
i feel for you..the pain and helplessness of not having a child. The worst is that the way people look at you...I feel the "shame" they are making you feel. I dont know for how long you have been trying or what options you have considered, but surely if you are determined enough to persist you shall have a child. Adoption is not always the answer for all...I understand.
Wanna-be-mum I want to tell you that some of the advice given here may hurt you...probly bcos the way it is given to you...but I kind of see little sense in what people are trying to say...in essence they are saying ignore other people's attitudes and feelings...your feelings are magnified bcs of your situation (totally understandable and natural) and you may be jeopardising your marriage.
You are not deranged nor pagal...its natural...but you have to rise above the situation...and you do have the strength and willpower to do it.
Believe me when you dont think all the time about having a baby you are probly likely to conceive as you are otherwise stressing yourself out...
I wish you the best..It WILL happen for you!
but I can't even begin to explain how I have been outcast and how I am treated...........................................zamana barah zalim hai...and our jamaat are so backward thinking and no other word for it but STUPID..........
wannabe_a_mum, your saying this here and yet in the other thread you said you consider yourself a failure because others think of you that way. you agree it is stupid, and yet you help spread the stupidness by saying this.
the very fact that you yourself think of it as what makes you a failure in life, is what will go most against you in your case. I wish you realized that, considering you are an educated, intelligent individual. It does not make you a failure because this is something that is not in your hands, and sooner or later, if you keep the faith, you will have kids. have heart, have hope.
If you're strong and are able to emerge out of the shell you have created for yourself, you could do a whole lot better, and maybe later help those in a similar situation as yours. You should, at the moment, focus on your strong points, and not your weak ones. that's something you can do for yourself, if others are not.
like aahmed and luxury item said, you need to interact with, and have around you those that will be supportive of you and your situation and help you see that this is something for which you should not blame yourself.
wanna-be-mum- i can understand your agony...it must be a horrible situation 2 be in...where u r ridiculed for no fault of yrs...but this is how our pathetic society works...u mite be married for 2-3 months only and the 1st questions all these relatives ask u is not how u r doing? or how u r adjusting? but if the baby is on its way...that just pisses the hell out of me...As for yr situation...well patience and prayers r the key to it...i m sure u must be seeing a doc for the same purpose...just keep in mind that if you are meant to be a mom you will be and if not than no matter how hard it mite be for you at this moment Allah must have planned something better for you...that better you mite not get here in this world but definately hereafter. I know its easier said than done but Inshallah thinks will work out.:)
wanna b a mum do u really wnt to run away from life just bcoz a bunch of ignorant ppl think ur a failure or ppl think who dont knw hw u feel think ur exaggerating , come on u r stronger den dt .
does ur husband support u ?? i wud say u shud nt even meet ppl dt mke u feel like an outcast dey cn stik together n b a big bunch of hypocrites.
also maybe u cn try different methods of conception. wanna be a mum i knw ppl dt have concieved after 5 yrz and den ten yrz of deyre marriage . i also knw ppl who hve no children . u cnt let dese things gt u down.
Just hang in there. Desis are cruel people esp desi women because they forget that there is a God watching all things. Try as someone said to find new friends/people in the same situation as you/support group who understand where you are coming from.
Have you tried other methods of conception? It sounds like you might have from the way you sound so dejected. I would still keep on trying those alternatives that are out.
I think all of us know of AT LEAST one couple who have conceived after 5-10 years of marriage so may Allah swt help you, and also let you come out of this depressive stage so you can believe that HE is with you at all times and I think once you have that belief grounded in you, it will ease things for you inshallah.
don't let yourself be put down by others. That's the worst thing you can do for yourself right now. It's time you found some good friends since you can't change your relatives.
Well, hubby and I have talked at such length about this now...............about how every time this happens, we always say this is the last time I will tolerate it, only for it to happen again.
We have agreed that in the long term, it MAY be best for us to move away from where we live right now.......and not back to the city I'm from because it's time for a CLEAN BREAK and a complete change......
In the immediate though, we are going to get away this cioming weekend as it's our 6th wedding anniversary and also, on Wednesday (the 18th) it woul dhave been the 5th birthday of our first baby, had he/she lived...........(Yeh, the baby was a first anniversary present for my hubby!!) so it's a difficult week for me anyway.
We aren't going far, just going to go to Birmingham shopping (for clothes for th eupcoming family wedding) and then we've found a great hotel in/near Star City....so hopefully just a few days for me to recover yet again..................
I have taken on board what you guys have said, and in my mind I know that getting away from these jahil people is the best option.....................it's all my own fault really...I was too young and naive when I lost the babies and then we just trusted everyone..people asked and we told them, asked them to make dua for me etc..................how were we to know that they would gloat/take advantage of the situation???
Anyway, so hopefully, in the long term we are going to take some positive action. In the meantime, I am not going to go out of my way to mingle with them....not going to involve myself with them just to plot my own downfall............
Please guys continue to make dua for me..............................
I will keep you in my prayers this week. Certain groups of women can be incredibly catty and don't seem to wish anyone else well. It's like a competition. I would advise you to stay far away from anyone who makes you feel terrible about yourself right now, even if that person is your sister. IF she wants to give you support, let her reach out to you and do so.
Do you live in the same home where you lived when you lost your babies? Maybe moving to a different town or even a different home will help ease your pain.
There are some amazing support groups in the US for people who have lost a child, had a stillbirth, or miscarried. Perhaps one of these would help you through this difficult time. At least you would be around people who can relate. In the long-term, keep exploring your options, but also consider taking a year off from trying to conceive, just to relax and refresh your body. You are under a considerable amount of stress right, which will make it that much more difficult for you to conceive.
good to hear that u hve tken all advice on board n r going to b strong n nt let dese ppl affect u . im sorry to hear abt u losing the babies. will remeber u in my prayers n allah wil inshallah lissen to ur prayers.
enjoy ur break n do move away from dese horrible ppl
It must be really hard for u, but u kno wat. If ppl don't give u the attention u deserve you should work on ur charasmatic skills. You kno that saying with life and lemons..like just take frm life wat it refuses to give to u. Its really selfish of the ppl that u expect to be there for u.. to not but if it wont work. MAKE IT WORK. strt socializing more often. If its not with your sister than just make friends and hangout with ppl tht respect you for being you. Inshallah Allah will make things better, I have a cousin who couldnt give birth for 9 years and then she gave birth to quartuplets now she has 5 kids
Baji..
ALLAH Ji teaches us lessons and ALLAH ji is teaching you a whopper of one..
If kids are in your destiny then ALLAH ji will give you but what you can do is be confident in you being a woman, a friend, a wife and insh'allah one day a mother..
But what you can't do is think that life is rubbish because of a lack of something..
PS If you think negative then usually negative happens.. so always remain positive.. remind yourself every morning..
I LOVE ME
I LOVE LIFE
I LOVE MY HUSBAND
I WILL HAVE KIDS INSHALLAH
AND FINALLY [EMAIL="I@M"]I'M GOING TO HAVE A GREAT DAY
No more negatives ok
I'm in the UK so if you ever want to meet for a coffee and talk . just get in touch
HUGZ
Baji..
ALLAH Ji teaches us lessons and ALLAH ji is teaching you a whopper of one..
If kids are in your destiny then ALLAH ji will give you but what you can do is be confident in you being a woman, a friend, a wife and insh'allah one day a mother..
But what you can't do is think that life is rubbish because of a lack of something..
PS If you think negative then usually negative happens.. so always remain positive.. remind yourself every morning..
I LOVE ME
I LOVE LIFE
I LOVE MY HUSBAND
I WILL HAVE KIDS INSHALLAH
AND FINALLY I'M GOING TO HAVE A GREAT DAY
No more negatives ok
I'm in the UK so if you ever want to meet for a coffee and talk . just get in touch
HUGZ
Thanks!
I have never been a "me me me" person, but I know now from what I have experienced in life, that those who are even moderately "me me me" get what they want...I've always been too busy to look after myself and my needs.
I have every faith in Allah, I know that this is a test for me...........
Oh my goodness, I can't believe such people still exist. Pray for peace and comfort, and remain strong. Allah will do what is best for you, but you should also take care of yourself. Do what good you can in the world and remain a productive member of society. I hope for the best for you.
