My parents were amongst the Desi parents telling stories about Pakistan which weren’t even true. Nowadays there is internet, so children know much more about their countries of origin before even visiting it. Back in the '80s and the first years of the '90s, most people didn’t have internet in the Netherlands and when they did, the sources and knowledge we have online nowadays, still weren’t available in those early days.
I believed everything my parents claimed about Pakistan. Some family friends and our family members joined my parents in these nonsense stories. They claimed we should be better Pakistani citizens, even though we were born and being raised in the Netherlands. My parents said we shouldn’t listen to music and they lied that there wasn’t music in Pakistan, except for religious music. They never explained where some of the Pakistani music came from, which we still heard in dramay waghaira (every time someone came back from a visit to Pakistan, we’d all have many dramay to watch on tape). And the dramay had people living in a different manner from the way we were being raised, but my parents said that was just tv sheevee.
According to my parents, every female in Pakistan only wore salwar kameez duputta. I was the only Pakistani in my school for example and bullied because of my desi clothing, yet my parents insisted I should mostly wear those, as a ‘good’ Pakistani. They also claimed that every person in Pakistan was very religious and knew everything about Islam, so we should work harder to learn more about religion. My parents didn’t allow dancing either, saying honourable people don’t dance. So many nonsense stories, even about how the country looked.
I was only a small child during my first visit to Pakistan. Our family originates from Kotli, A.K. and most family members still live there, though we have some relatives elsewhere, such as in Islamabad and Rawal Pindi. I remember nothing from my first visit. My second and last visit to Pakistan was in 2000, by that time I already had my own children who were still babies. It was a shock to realise that most stories my parents and other people had told me about Pakistan, weren’t true.
For example, not every person living there was very religious, people varied there as much as here, I actually even knew a little more about religion than most ordinary people like me and I’m not especially schooled in religion. And yes, there really was music in Pakistan. People also wore western clothes in some parts of the country, so the way they looked varied as much as in the Netherlands too. Further I realised that so many different parts have so many different cultures. I only know some culture from Kotli, which my parents raised me with in the Netherlands. In Pakistan however you had differences in mentality when you travelled from one place to another. Sometimes it felt like visiting a different country all together instead of just a different town. And I saw this from only visiting Kotli, Islamabad and Pindi, all this briefly btw. (we stayed for about 4 weeks I think)
My parents made it seem as if the people in Pakistan were very holy like, very perfect in their behaviour, the stories they told us, were in fact a way to tell us we don’t deserve to visit Pakistan, unless we became like that too. Well, it didn’t help much and all they achieved was a big culture shock for me upon seeing the reality in Pakistan. Perhaps I was most shocked by finding fake medicines in a pharmacy there.
After my first culture shock, I began viewing Pakistan from my own experiences instead of the fake stories of my parents. I then saw the real positive aspects of the country. Such as people being there for each other. My cousin had hurt her foot or example, a washing machine fell on it if I remember correctly. The entire street came by to visit her, to help, to wish her well. That never happens in the Netherlands. Children were misbehaving in the streets, an old man told them gently to stop it, they listened to him and left, here people don’t care even if you get killed, they mostly walk past you and let you die (yes, we’ve had quite a few of these cases here!) and forget about asking children to behave, many will call you names even when you just pass them on your way. There is a certain respect for old people and for children in Pakistan in a way I’ve never seen in the Netherlands and so much more. Yes, it wasn’t the perfect country with for me unattainable behaviour and knowledge, but I found something wonderful seeing past the imperfections which perhaps I wouldn’t even have noticed, had not my parents brainwashed me about Pakistan being the absolute perfect country with perfect people without any fault at all.
Do any of you have such stories? Were you ever given a false or just a different idea of Pakistan? What was it like and what was the reason for your parents (or others) to do that?