Opening ex file

Lifestyle Relationships
1

how can someone deal with their husbands/wifes past relationship?is it a mistake goin into it or you think its ur right to know?

2

Re: Opening ex file

What has passed has passed. I don't really care to know about any past relationships that happened before we got to know each other or got married because it's really no use, unless there is a threat of some sort, like if an ex is still in touch or something or if your spouse cannot get over them or something.

As far as a right to know, if he chooses to tell me or I choose to tell him, it's one thing, but now we are married, doing fine and all, why dig up the past?

3

Re: Opening ex file

^ %100 agreed.

4

Re: Opening ex file

It is like opening Pandora's box...a can of worms...Once it opens and sh** hits the fan...you'd want to know everything there was...if there was a physical relationship etc..It 'll be in the back of your head always...I say It definately NOT WORTH it!!

Being US Born & Bred, Choosing a Spouse from the Motherland
5

Re: Opening ex file

Relationship experts agree that past should remain buried deep down. Nobody has the right to know on either side.

6

i agree there is no use of crying over it.but argh im mad at my husband rite now coz i never got to know frm him i found out lot of different things frm different people,n still i never ever get the straight answer its always different explanation i dont know maybe people are just messing with me.but tonite he really pissed me off by being nice to this girl he dated for a while i completely understand that he wants to be civil about things but how the hell i get over it?the other moment i was excited about his bd n i wanna punch him now

7

Re: Opening ex file

It is very easy just live your life without the interruption of others. Don't let others control your life.

8

How long have you been married Samar?
This may feel like he is disrespecting you. I understand how it may make you feel. Is it possible that you let him know that you donot want to see the girl or want him to talk to her. If it makes you feel bad, then he has to step up and do whatever that would make you feel better about the situation.

Dil walon ki Dilli
9

i got married in last dec.i acted as im fine with it i actually smiled at the girl too but i did tell him in the car wat was that all about? he acted like im some drama queen making an issue out of nothing i dunno know wat to do i told him everything i got to know frm people according to him everyone is a lier

10

Re: Opening ex file

So, he's been naughty and is well known, give him a break.

Devdasis - Misunderstood Women
11

Re: Opening ex file

sama, if I were you and If were not able to find peace. I would yell at Hubby, and would confront the girl. I know its not logical but I would get you anger out.
I mean whats your is yours.

12

yeah sure if ur in my shoes will you be ok with it?

13

I know it may be really hurtful to you. One thing take people's stories with a grain of salt. Some people do chalakiyaan just to mess with your head.
Anyway what is it that your gut instinct say to you? DO you believe in your husband's story or their's. That being said , these days are the building blocks in your relationship.
I would suggest that you have a heart to heart talk with your husband...when all of this cools down that is. Make sure the timing is when he is on the same wavelength. Let him know how this makes you feel. Do not be in an accusatory tone..otherwise he will be defensive and the point will be lost.

I know it can be really hard to be vulnerable in front of someone but he is your husband and you guys have vowed to spend the rest of your life together.
Make sure he understands your point and ask him for suggestions of how to deal with the situation instead of maybe telling him. Let him take the lead of making you feel safe in the relationship. I would say do not treat the symptoms but the cause, because if not this then some other thing will creep its way into your heart to make you feel like this again
Goodluck!

14

Even if every one is telling the truth , he is your husband and treating you well , if you want o create issues around his past it will not be his fault.
Let the past be buried and live in the present please , happily ever after.
If your motive is to prove that he is not an angel and not so innocent as he poses to be , what will you achieve by doing so ? It will result in less respect for you in his eyes. If he is still doing what he did in the past then it should be a reason for concern. I guess that is not the issue here, is it ?

15

yeah ur right:hugz: i cant really think straight rite now

16

Re: Opening ex file

i believe trust is # 1 factor in a marriage............ and is directly proportional to how strong a marriage is
well it's every spouse's right to know about other one's past ,whether good or bad , but instead of digging into it , husband or wife has to disclose that to spouse himself/herself whenever time is right , b/c if there's something unacceptable about yr past and yr spouse got to know from some other source than it sucks more, and could even shake that trust factor too .
and i do agree that past has nothing to do with present or future , but if a person share it with his/ her spouse himselves than it does save her/him an embaressment & explanation , if in case yr spouse got know about it from someone else

17

If he was treating his ex with respect and was not being chummy with her then this is not the way to deal with this issue. Even if he was doing something naughty you do not create public scene at a party. There are more civilized ways of dealing with the issue in case that is the issue.

What are you reading?
18

Re: Opening ex file

Give hubby a little room Samra .. dont ask him direct question .. the thing is .. you dont own his past, you share his present .. so as long as his present is a loyal one .. dont worry too much about his past ..

and about being nice .. if he was as nice or polite to some other girl (other than his Ex).. would that gesture be OK with u? If it was then maybe you are taking this whole thing to another level.

anyway, you've been married for few months only. DOnt let unneccessary doubts polute your mind

19

I can't fit my self in your shoes, I am sure it won't fit.

20

that's right ...........u should express what u feel esp if there's something unacceptable or wrong @ first place ,
(ofcoarse not like a drama & in front of others , but in the privacy of yr home)
silence is a killer .........believe me