Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
hmmmmmm
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
when he says you are his wife...that sounds so controlling!
he shouldnt force you by repeatedly asking you to wear it on head. i can imagine it gets annoying when said over and over again.
do what makes you feel comfortable.
you have moved all the way from UK to pakistan...that is a massive change. (why you did that is beyong me?! why did you do this?!) in my opinion you made a massive sacrifice for him just moving to pakistan...and you have only been married 2 months and already you are being made to feel so uncomfortable! ask him to cut you some slack for the sacrifice you have made by moving to Pakistan for him!!
btw how are you adjusting to life in pak in general then?
eventually you are going to tell him off. Make sure what happens after that, you post it here. We are all tuned in.
you sound like an aunty hungry for the lastest gossip! lol! ;)
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
^ 
thats fun… isn’t it?
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
Hi Sara, I feel for you.
The more a person is "told" to do something they're not keen on, the more they tend to want to not do it.
Whereabouts is your husband from? Village/city?
Where are you both currently living?
You're Pathan right?
I'm Pathan too.
My brother used to keep telling me to cover my hair and I don't.
His daughters now do.
I used to tell him that for me it's more important to start praying 5 times a day and stick to it than covering my hair.
Alhumdulillah I do now pray 5 a day. Can you perhaps reason with him? Tell him that you want to do it in baby steps.
Maybe give hin scenarios, would he rather you cover your hair and be bad person etc.
You need to try and sort this out. You haven't been married long and this is the time where you need to build a bond with your husband, that fact that you feeling like this is coming in the way of that.
lolzz…she said her wedding and mehandi dress is ready and her cousin wants to copy her dresses and she dont like her..
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
aliya
do you cover your hair now then?
his daughters would tell you to cover your head?!
Sara...in your other thread you said you are going get married in 3/4 months???
lolzz...she said her wedding and mehandi dress is ready and her cousin wants to copy her dresses and she dont like her..
she has mentioned plenty of times earlier that she's already married.
aliya
do you cover your hair now then?
his daughters would tell you to cover your head?!
Sorry I should have said.
No I don't cover my hair, and I don't intend too either.
I know so many Aunties who wear duppattas and b*tch like anything. I have another cousin who covers her hair, but her shalwars are tight and are tied so high you can see her ankles and wears such fitted kameez's - whats the point??
Me, I pray Alhumdulillah (I hope I continue), dress trendy but modestly and I think I'm fine.
No, his girls don't tell me to do cover my hair, they wouldn't do that, they're my little hunny bunnies :)
They both cover their hair and are fine with it... each to their own.
**For those of you advocating compromise, I'm sorry what compromise is there going to be?
This is obviously a religiously minded man, *hijaab *is a religious obligation, you think he's going to compromise on that?
As for what should have happened before marriage, there are certain responsibilities on both sides.
That is, when you are marrying a religious man, you have to be STUPID to assume he will not request you to wear the *hijab *after marriage. Thus, it is YOUR responsibility to tell him that 'I do NOT want to wear it after marriage, don't make me.'
There's no point arguing now - if it was something trivial, like maybe buying a second car, you could convince him. I seriously doubt you'll make him accept your point of view without him secretly seething with irriration/anger at why you're not fulfilling a religious obligation.
It really is as simple as that.
**
maine investigation kar li 
just wondering apke jesa itna chalak insan abhi tak SAMJH kyu nahi saka ..getting me ?
she has mentioned plenty of times earlier that she's already married.
so i think it was some other sara...we have couple of Sara's here
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
so he told you before getting married that he expected you to cover your head, so its not exactly a surprise. he is religious and conservative and you knew it, he had certain expectations from you and you knew it and still married him.
you should have taken a stand then, discussed it at length and if religious and cultural differences made you two incompatible you should have made a decision. no point in getting depressed or complaining now, learn to take responsibility for YOUR decisions. please read this thread and enlighten yourself.
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-relationships/355539-get-your-act-together-ladies.html
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
I don't get this whole idea of "You're my wife..... therefore you HAVE to do this". Also everyone's aamaal are their own.
I guess its more about culture than Religion ..... Quran does not say you have to cover your head. Its NOT a religious obligation.
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
Sara,
Is there anything about your husband that you like?
If yes then I suggest you focus on those for now. It will help distract you from this one thing.
Regarding covering the head in front of company...well it isn't really a bad thing that he is asking you to do but I understand that early on in my marriage if my husband had almost commanded me to do that I might have resisted, just like you. When there is a relationship, you can do almost anything for your spouse.
At this point, don't react because a small thing can permanently cloud your heart. Think that this is your husband with a sincere request but not this new guy in your life acting superior. It may soften your perception and the conflict will become less.
It will also become easy for you to discuss your feelings.
After being married for as long as I have been, I can tell you from experience that being "reactive" in marriage can never help pass a message. It closes doors.
U are so right kinzz123
Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
maybe not depressed, but def sad or unhappy at times.maybe im wrong. i dont know. my husband is a nice guy overall, hes 5 times namazi, and all that. he wants me to ear duppatta on y head while im out at other ppls houses in front of men and while im out. he says im his wife and this is our culture and relgious guidance etc
This is a sensitive situation. u been married for 2 months and he is pulling you in a direction where you do not have an inclination of moving. Maybe not at this time. For him being namazi and all that is fine. He is playing stupid by telling you what to do and what not to do. He doesn't have proper Islamic teaching. He's grown up in a Islamic culture as a robot. He's following the mechanics. For those of us who live outside purely Islamic cultures, life is very different. Islam and its applications are vastly different for us. It is a good thing to see that he's not forcing you to wear hijab! now that would be the correct way to go. "this is our culture" - what? We follow Islam, for those who do and in their own ways, in how sharia guides us, not "culture". Culture has nothing to do with Islam.
Keep skirting the issue/question/request. Play games. Keep telling him you'll do it when the time is right and that you are aware of the need to cover yourself. He needs to understand he can't force his convictions on you. He married "you" not your lifestyle. Being with him, around him, and vice versa, will have an effect on both of you. Both of you will be pulled and pushed by each other. One think you can't do: Be quiet, not while you are both alone. Long as you keep silent, you give him more power to be increasingly verbal and it could progress to something you would want to escape from.
[quote]
see, im not relgious and him asking me to do this pisses me off and i feel im being controlled. a aprt of me feels hes right and its only a duppata, but another part of me feels like telin him to F off...ok i dono if im wrong pls tel me guys....
hes from pak im from uk
[/QUOTE]
I believe you are absolutely right. All the guys here saying why won't you it's only a dupatta shows that there is a subconscious desire to ensure the women in their lives follow a certain protocol. This stems from having grown up in households where other ladies have done this. At least for you, u are religious but u are not mechanically religious. This is hard to understand for people on the outside. Marriage across cultures creates exactly these kinds of frictions... language, cultural, behavior, values, religion, etc. If this was an arranged marriage then ..... in any case, u are now 2 months in to it.
When you say he's from Pakistan... where he comes from from within Pakistan also sheds light on his background.
Where are you living now? If u are in Pakistan then you are going to have a harder time. If u are in the UK then he's going to have a hell of time and might become more aggressive over time towards you. Get an understanding of his level of conviction and play on that.
Sara, you can control your situation if u want. You are a woman... think like one, act like one. You can turn this situation around and make a happier married life. You will change a bit over time, he will change a bit over time. It's bound to happen but not overnight...! This takes a bit of time. Not a lifetime, but will take a few months to years. Keep your cool. Just remember that whatever you do you do for familial harmony. You will need to be tactful and you will need to be diplomatic at times. Don't be cunning!
All this will be behind you, insha-Allah. One thing that will hurt you, as it has been stated before by others, is keeping your feelings inside.... either to him, as situation allows or calls for, or to others, likewise - like here.
Wish u all the best, Sara. :)