Re: only married 2 months and feel depressed
maybe not depressed, but def sad or unhappy at times.maybe im wrong. i dont know. my husband is a nice guy overall, hes 5 times namazi, and all that. he wants me to ear duppatta on y head while im out at other ppls houses in front of men and while im out. he says im his wife and this is our culture and relgious guidance etc
This is a sensitive situation. u been married for 2 months and he is pulling you in a direction where you do not have an inclination of moving. Maybe not at this time. For him being namazi and all that is fine. He is playing stupid by telling you what to do and what not to do. He doesn't have proper Islamic teaching. He's grown up in a Islamic culture as a robot. He's following the mechanics. For those of us who live outside purely Islamic cultures, life is very different. Islam and its applications are vastly different for us. It is a good thing to see that he's not forcing you to wear hijab! now that would be the correct way to go. "this is our culture" - what? We follow Islam, for those who do and in their own ways, in how sharia guides us, not "culture". Culture has nothing to do with Islam.
Keep skirting the issue/question/request. Play games. Keep telling him you'll do it when the time is right and that you are aware of the need to cover yourself. He needs to understand he can't force his convictions on you. He married "you" not your lifestyle. Being with him, around him, and vice versa, will have an effect on both of you. Both of you will be pulled and pushed by each other. One think you can't do: Be quiet, not while you are both alone. Long as you keep silent, you give him more power to be increasingly verbal and it could progress to something you would want to escape from.
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see, im not relgious and him asking me to do this pisses me off and i feel im being controlled. a aprt of me feels hes right and its only a duppata, but another part of me feels like telin him to F off...ok i dono if im wrong pls tel me guys....
hes from pak im from uk
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I believe you are absolutely right. All the guys here saying why won't you it's only a dupatta shows that there is a subconscious desire to ensure the women in their lives follow a certain protocol. This stems from having grown up in households where other ladies have done this. At least for you, u are religious but u are not mechanically religious. This is hard to understand for people on the outside. Marriage across cultures creates exactly these kinds of frictions... language, cultural, behavior, values, religion, etc. If this was an arranged marriage then ..... in any case, u are now 2 months in to it.
When you say he's from Pakistan... where he comes from from within Pakistan also sheds light on his background.
Where are you living now? If u are in Pakistan then you are going to have a harder time. If u are in the UK then he's going to have a hell of time and might become more aggressive over time towards you. Get an understanding of his level of conviction and play on that.
Sara, you can control your situation if u want. You are a woman... think like one, act like one. You can turn this situation around and make a happier married life. You will change a bit over time, he will change a bit over time. It's bound to happen but not overnight...! This takes a bit of time. Not a lifetime, but will take a few months to years. Keep your cool. Just remember that whatever you do you do for familial harmony. You will need to be tactful and you will need to be diplomatic at times. Don't be cunning!
All this will be behind you, insha-Allah. One thing that will hurt you, as it has been stated before by others, is keeping your feelings inside.... either to him, as situation allows or calls for, or to others, likewise - like here.
Wish u all the best, Sara. :)