One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

Lifestyle Relationships
21

I will do that Sara :)
Maybe i should do it AFTER i have talked to him :D

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Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

^well post now so that we can advise you on asking or not asking that question..
for my rishta my parents did mostly all the talking with my husband.. they were the interrogators and i think i made a wise choice by letting them assess his thoughts because their mind set is different than mine - they've seen the world and mostly know what could be a concern and what could be something that could be worked around.

However, when we did start talking ourselves we started from the basics.. the hi's, hello's and how are you's.. and we slowly started to get into details about our lives.. what we like, dont like etc.. and building from there.. and honestly the first conversation you have face to face with a person can really tell you if there can be a connection in the future.. atleast it worked for most of my friends and me too!

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Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

I can only agree with you about listening to the parents advise.. The thing is according to my family this guy is a possible rishta... BUT they are letting me have the final decision, because as they say they will check out the family and this guy as much as they can, but in the end its all about "us two - and our chemistry". :)

History Mystery- Part 3
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Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

Gut feel. If you have a bad feeling about the person it's probably a bad idea to go for them.

25

if you feel things about him or his family are "too good to be true"...and have even 1% of doubt...back off....it could all be a cover up.
people are very good at doing this esp when there are skeletons in the cupborad.
this is my 100% personal experince and of few i know.
arranged marriages are however a risk.what you see is not what you get sometimes.
not trying to intimidate you, just sharing my experience.

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Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

The rule of thumb used to be:

  1. Investigate character of the girl's mother.
  2. Investigate character of the boy's friends.
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Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

to be honest....you can never tell 100% until after you are married to them. However, knowing the basics (qualities that are important to you in a spouse) about a person should be enough to give you the go ahead (or not). Keep in mind during the rishta process people make sure to be on their best behavior and often times they will show you the side you will like and they say the things that you may wanna hear....basically people can be fake. so beware!!

Go with your gut feeling and really take an in depth look at his/her personality. The smallest things can be a red flag (or a green signal). Ask aunties and uncles, his friends, community about him/her...they will more probably know his REAL side. Take a look at his/her family background. How do they interact with each other. Girls typically end up being a lot like their mothers years down the road. Always a good idea to get to know the mom if you wanna know what the girl is (or will be) like.

I can usually tell about a person from the get-go and my instincts have never failed me so far Alhamdulillah.

What' ll u throw on the person above u
28

good idea

the problem with this is that the mothers of girls are usually are very expert in external and internal make-up!!!!

29

please please can you give a few examples

[quote]

I can usually tell about a person from the get-go and my instincts have never failed me so far Alhamdulillah.
[/QUOTE]

[/quote]

what is get-go?

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Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

Its all about how many samosay they eat. And how they eat them.

This one dude (very wide dude) spread chutney all over the samosa first and then 3 bites and it was gone, he even managed to spill some chutney on the floor. It was like watching my 3 year old nephew eat. Very funny. He didnt clean it up either. Git.

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Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

^^^Hahahahaha, git indeed lol.

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Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

It's not like you have to say "YES" on the 1st meeting. Try to remain calm on the 1st meeting and ask any questions you have, and assess him. Go with your gut feelings. If its positive, go ahead to get to know the family a little more, your parents could further investigate....etc. After a few meetings, etc, you may have a better idea. Maybe take the guy's e-mail address, or exchange even some chat id's....and get to know each other a little bit before making any life decisions.....

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Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life…Evaluating a rishta

it was the same for us too.. my parents said the exact same thing.. thats why we decided to go ahead get engaged, get to know each other better and if things clicked then well we’d go ahead with the wedding. I think planning the wedding itself was such a huge task that after all the talking/ arguing/ compromising we knew that if we could do this together.. we could pretty much take on everything. and during that process i think somewhere inside me i started really respecting him and maybe even fell in love! :blush:

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Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

speaking of which
........what kind of typical questions get asked in such meetings?

if possible please breakdown by relation:

E.g.
father asks........
the mother asks.......
the sisters ask........

etc

35

speaking of which
........what kind of typical questions get asked in such meetings?

if possible please breakdown by relation:

E.g.
father asks........
the mother asks.......
the sisters ask........

etc

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Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

you should ask others about him. its a great way to find out about someone. ask other familys, or his friends.

or just send someone else to their housee to check on them & see wat kinda people they r .lol involve someone you trust, not someone who doesnt wannt to see you happy.
and do it casuallu, not like a psycho stalker.

i was wondering if gut feeling is someone one should really go for? right now i have a gut feeling that " hes the ONE" but, i dont know if my gut feeling is right or not?

btw- nice thread.

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Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

things clicking..........gut feeling............love at first sight......."i knew straight away he/she is the one".............
just goes on to say how uncertain and the whole process is.......!!!

How efficient are the following techniques:

Judging ppl by the way they eat food?

38

Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

marriage is Sabr......(i.e. patience)

to judge patience we should try and test wheather its is present or not?
any ideas on how to?

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Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

Some questions which CAN be asked:

  • What should be my first priority after marriage, according to you?
  • Describe an average day of yours.
  • What is the most important thing your looking for in your lifepartner?
  • Try to describe your friends.
  • Things you feel you can do better or you could have done better?
  • What type of people do you feel comfortable with?
  • What motivates you in life?
  • Your weak points?
  • Your stronger side?
  • Hobbies?
  • What does irritates you the most?
  • Your interests?
  • How would you like me to react when your angry or stressed?
  • What kind of personal qualities do you appreciate the most?
  • What makes you ready to take responsibilty in life?
  • How would you solve a conflict?
  • How do you take criticism from others?
  • What kind of role do you prefer for your wife?
  • Are you a spontaneous person?
  • How would you like to spend some "quality time" with your spouse?
  • Try to describe your temper?
  • Do you feel your an independent person?
  • How do you express your irritation to other people?
  • Do you like to plan for the next 5- 10- 15 years? or would you rather live one day at a time?
  • Are you a "fighter", and would like to achieve what you want no matter how?
  • What do you find as difficult in a marriage?
  • what are your carrier-goals?
A Colorful Winter: Organized Fruits and Vegetables Photographed by Florent Tanet
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Re: One of the most important 6 hours in your life....Evaluating a rishta

^ if a woman asked me all those questions in one sitting, I'd be pissed, unless she is interviewing me for the personality of the year.