what if you know that those old folks are not happy in what they are doing. What if you know that they would rather be at their home. I understand your perspective but what if they want to live their own life, have grand kids visit them (or they visit grand kids) once in 2 years and that is it
well in that case they need to be able to live life on their terms.
dont get me wrong, i too know of parents who have served as nannies
even situations where mother leaves the father in India or Pakistan or Qatar and is helping with kids in UK, Canada ir US for months on end.
in those cases free choices of elders vs. majboori vs pressure vs sense of obligation is not known always
hey MO3, it's good to have your alternate perspective here even if i don't always agree. Sometimes we apply our desi lens to a 'western' practice, which results in a lot of distortion.
Well my own preference is that while my in-laws are young and healthy, to live separately from them (even if it is next door). This is so I can establish myself in my house, not as a child like person or a bahu, but as an adult woman. Same for my husband (iA). Although it means more responsibility for me, it also means a better chance to develop my skills. If, God forbid, my parents or in-laws become infirm or not fully dependent, of course i don't mind taking them into my house.
The thing with desi people is that it is so hard to know what they really want...for example, if i offer food to someone, and they say "nahi nahi nahi", i take that as meaning they don't want it. but my mom says it really means that they are being "polite" and i have to ask again! OK so if i ask my parents to live with me, and they say no- does that mean no? or yes?
Another thing is Pakistani people are generally very judgmental. For example, if a old lady has a home health nurse helping with her baths, because she doesn't want to be embarrassed in front of her son, people would just assume it's because the son and bahu are not fulfilling their duty.
I also don't like the custom of many Pak people here to basically lock their parents in a tiny apartment for the whole day....it makes me really sad...but on the other hand, their kids have to earn too. In Pakistan, they miss their kids all the time....over here they are bored...not sure what the resolution for this problem is.