Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

[Chipotle]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

^ lolz and I thought I was evil.

[Mirch]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

I don't understand the bolded part but I'll just pray to Allah for blessing you with a girl child

I am sorry and apologize , I did not read your post being too long. I made the mistake of picking up my vibes from other peoples post. It is last time I did so. It used to work but did not work in your case. I thought you were a typical desi teenager with raging hormones and looking for some puppy love and failing again and again. But now since I have read you post (phew it is one long post though) I have the complete picture , but people have already given you good advise and I have nothing more to add.
P.S I have a daughter that is why I said what I said by misjudging your post.

[TwitTwit]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

Chipotle: All I can say is there are zillions of amazing guys out there (I can vouch for that) and I am sure it won't be long before you run into one and you'll look back and think what a fool you were for wasting all this time/energy on this jerk of a guy:-)

There is nothing wrong with you or your behaviour (of what I have read). Just stay true to what you are without changing anything and everything will work out.

This guy is just a little patch of dirt in your path and you'd be better off to step over it.

Thanks every one for your suggestions. I think I'll discuss with him this weekend because that's the only time when I get enough time to ponder on the situation and come up with a decent way of calling it off. I also have to think on how to explain this to my family whom I have already told about him.

But before doing all of that I have to try to forget about the haunting words the last guy said to me that by behaving rationally I'll never find a guy to get married. Why it's so hard for girls????

I tried to do every thing right, went to the good schools, never gave my family any reason to complain, always tried my best to be on the right path, every one gives my example. I just don't know what is wrong.

But I am not loosing hope and I'll keep trying, koi na koi tau hauga aqal ka andha who'll want to marry be just because of being me

[T1000]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

@ZareenKhan

How old are you? :halo: the guys right when he says you should be mature enough to figure out these things on your own except that the things he want u to be mature about r not exactly the things i m talking about .

Seriously Girl! Wake up. The guy’s a jerk. Enuff said.

I don’t know what’s your majburi for going after him even after his lies and rude, obnoxious behavior but keep in mind there is an ALLAH up above so you shouldnt just give up like that and settle with anyone at all you come across.

I will second @ZareenKhan’s comment .. .. he is a jerk

btw - where do you live ..

[soconfused]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

Chipotle: All I can say is there are zillions of amazing guys out there (I can vouch for that) and I am sure it won't be long before you run into one and you'll look back and think what a fool you were for wasting all this time/energy on this jerk of a guy:-)

There is nothing wrong with you or your behaviour (of what I have read). Just stay true to what you are without changing anything and everything will work out.

This guy is just a little patch of dirt in your path and you'd be better off to step over it.

lol I need to move to wherever you live because there definitely aren't any amazing guys here.

[TwitTwit]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

LOL...Chicago;-)

lol I need to move to wherever you live because there definitely aren't any amazing guys here.

[Jhanjariya]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

yelling? woh bhi shaadi se pehle

let him know he’s not your type.. if he yells at you again .. give him a piece of your mind and ignore his calls

[Puchi_Kuchi]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

Get out of it!!! NO, Desi guys are generally not like this and this is not the norm.....it's the minority so don't accept it and MOVE ON.....

[Barfii]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

This guy sounds like a controlling nut job!!

"I want you to love me and only me".. "I don't want you to care about what your family or brothers think, I only want you to care about what I think"..

He sounds really petty (coffee business) and quite devious (not telling you about previous marriage/nikkah)..

I think there are better guys out there than him.. Infact, I KNOW there are better Desi guys out there than him..

Take your time and trust your instinct. If it don't feel right, it probably isn't. Don't let his sweet words trick you into feeling something for him if you dont. just beause he maybe feels something for you..

Also, one last thing... you say you feel awkward in being loved dovey/showing affection... but trust me, when you find the one, you won't feel any awkwardness expressing your emotions of love for him..

InshAllah, you will find the right partner and the two of you will have a long, happy and healthy marriage..!!!

B x x

[Chipotle]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

I am sorry and apologize , I did not read your post being too long. I made the mistake of picking up my vibes from other peoples post. It is last time I did so. It used to work but did not work in your case. I thought you were a typical desi teenager with raging hormones and looking for some puppy love and failing again and again. But now since I have read you post (phew it is one long post though) I have the complete picture , but people have already given you good advise and I have nothing more to add. P.S I have a daughter that is why I said what I said by misjudging your post.

It's ok, no worries

[Chipotle]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

lol I need to move to wherever you live because there definitely aren't any amazing guys here.

lolz yeah, me too. I guess over here in new york they just have the wrong breed lolz

[Chipotle]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

@Barfii

This guy sounds like a controlling nut job!!

“I want you to love me and only me”.. “I don’t want you to care about what your family or brothers think, I only want you to care about what I think”..

He sounds really petty (coffee business) and quite devious (not telling you about previous marriage/nikkah)..

I think there are better guys out there than him.. Infact, I KNOW there are better Desi guys out there than him..

Take your time and trust your instinct. If it don’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Don’t let his sweet words trick you into feeling something for him if you dont. just beause he maybe feels something for you..

Also, one last thing… **you say you feel awkward in being loved dovey/showing affection… but trust me, when you find the one, you won’t feel any awkwardness expressing your emotions of love for him..
**
InshAllah, you will find the right partner and the two of you will have a long, happy and healthy marriage..!!!

B x x

It’s not about that, I am a very loving and affectionate person in general. It’s more in terms of having a mental block in my head which always restrains me of showing my affection to some one who is not my husband . I am 100% sure that I’ll beat the heck out of myself by just feeling guilty if I said something intimate to some one who is not related to me.

thanks for the advice, encouragement and such a lovely dua
p.s. can you please pass my details to those amazing guyz lolz

[soconfused]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

@Chipotle

It’s not about that, I am a very loving and affectionate person in general. It’s more in terms of having a mental block in my head which always restrains me of showing my affection to some one who is not my husband . I am 100% sure that I’ll beat the heck out of myself by just feeling guilty if I said something intimate to some one who is not related to me.

thanks for the advice, encouragement and such a lovely dua
p.s. can you please pass my details to those amazing guyz lolz

haha yeah California is severely lacking too…guess I gotta move to Chicago!

[Sweet_LiL_Hunnie]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

that guy sounds so emotionally unstable and needy like no one will ever give him enough time, he sounds like the type to get jealous easily and wants all the attention in the world...and he's shady he wasn't even very upfront. I know this is not what you were asking about but i felt the need to tell you that you are much better off. just in case you suddenly get in touch with him again.

[aurchaepiyo]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

The guy's a psycho. Toxic. Poison. If you want more like him, just check into your nearest psychiatric prison...they're stuffed to the gills with that kind of guy. Your mistake is considering him to be normal and sane and trying to validate his view of the world by finding fault within yourself. He's not normal, and there is nothing wrong with you, except that you cut him way too much slack. He is the stuff of Jack the Ripper and Ted Bundy and the Green River Killer.

If a saheli was telling you this whole story, what would your advice be? You'd say, "Voh paagal hai, bhaago usse!!" You know you would. At least he lives on the other coast. Not like he's in your workplace every day. Disappear. Change your phone number and email address.

[chaibiskut]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

OMG !!! so this attitude is common in desi guys.

Not really. If you find that there is a general trend of South Asian men treating you like this, then you're only meeting jerks. This could be plain bad luck, but if it's happened more than a handful of times, it's more likely you're giving off the wrong vibes and setting yourself up to be taken advantage of. In franker terms, you're attracting these idiots by bending over backwards/betraying a sense of low self esteem/being too readily impressed by them.

I stopped reading here : "He started screaming at me ... when he gets angry he shouts endlessly while I tend to keep quiet and listen."

Ask yourself why you feel compelled to stay in this relationship. He's not your husband. You're not married to him, nor do you owe him anything. Why are you letting a non-mahram man sit there and scream at you like a street goon?

How people treat you is positively correlated to your own sense of self worth. Command respect by drawing lines and setting standards from the get-go, don't beg or negotiate for it. Your dignity is in your own hands.

[Summerbr]

Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but

I only read the OP's post. But good God - the guy sounds like a PSYCHO. DO NOT MARRY HIM!!!