Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but
Chipotle, dont ever feel arrogant about having all the things Allah has blessed you with,. If u wer gonna think the way u do den Allah may as well not have givin you all dat then if u wer gonna waste all dat gud education n money on a guy lyk this n then cry about it afterwards which trust me you would have done if you went ahead with it.
Girl men dont lyk girls who r pushovers, they only lyk them girls cus they knw they can control u. Its the strong ones that they actually desire, the ones that tell it to em strait they love that. My last guy hated the fact that i was a seedhi saadhi larki. Cus i married him in Pak n actually liked living with his family in the village, he hated it n said to me where is ur englandyness, he goes to me i dont believe ur from england, cus england girls are so clever n chalaak n wud never live in a village for which his fam loved me.
So wat i did was dump his sorry n return to the UK n now he on his hands n knees begging me to come back. I told him u asked me where was my england, well ive returned to it, now u go luking for it urself. ******* men that think they can control how you should think and feel and behave and dress and speak and live!!!!!! sorry needed to vent pls forgive. x
Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but
JERK!
after marriage he will lock u in the washroom and wont let you meet your parents. in fact he wont let you even come closer to your in-laws. he will also feel jealous if u show any affection to your kids. u seriously will have space issue.
Ditch him...hopefully he is not egoistic self-centric assh***** who will seek revenge in retaliation.
Word. This is as straight forward!. Leave him and you can do better. These control freaks won't let you breath. And yes i am a guy and definitely hate his mentality.
Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but
Big No-Nos are visible already!
Who yells at a lady for not paying for coffee?
Its considered a default that the men pay & in fact for many of the men their ego is hurt if the woman offers to pay
*
He hid his marriage?*
Even if it was a nikkah..why should he have hidden it?
Why is he lovey dovey even though there is nothing official.
Again something isnt right! Such chumminess is weird.
Whats all this "love me" "love me" stances of his? *
He seems so desperate & deprived that he keeps bugging you with it.
*
He gets annoyed when you talk about your family?
He wouldnt have a comfortable/compatible relation with your family later on and wouldnt let you have one either
He didnt want to study further?
He is a lazy procastinator who isnt able to stand up for himself & take stepos & justifies his actions by saying its a wastage of time
As for you, its difficult being lovey dovey or intimate with some one just like that specially some one who we aren't officially tied up with. Its all weird. Even with potentials there is a distance you are expected to maintain and even if he gets angry with you, stick to your style.
Suggestion: Some thing is not right in the scenario; either dwelve more into it or leave him and move on.
Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but
I read the first two paragraphs and didn't need to read anymore. 3 year marriage but no rukhsati or however you spell it? Tell him to **** off and do so now. You will be better off with a snake than this guy.
Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but
You needed to think about giving him a chance.. seriously? he is just a potential rishta who has been rude and disrespectful to you and nothing else. All the love talk without any meaning he has probably said all this to many girls before you. And seriously he left his wife because she is not expressive of her love in a long distance marriage? Total jerk imo You are not desperate so please dont waste your time. There is not one good thing about him. Is he filthy rich and super hot? I would still not give it a thought. Compatibility and compromise is the key to a successful marriage. He lacks both.
Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but
^ditto to everything above.
Run as far as you can, this guy is a creep and saying all those lovey-dovey things is in hopes that you end up falling for it. Aside from hiding his previous marriage (a nikkah IS marriage) he had a problem with you NOT paying for COFFEE? WTH! And then wants you to only focus on him? What the heck is wrong with this kid?
Please cut all contact with him. You will ruin your life. I can go on and on about what a creep this guy is but I think you know he is no good. Just cut all contact and move on.
Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but
You are not good judge of desi guys , ask your parents to find some nice decent guy and get you married off to him. Hurry up before you and your family loses that valuable thing which is called izzat in desi community.
I don't understand the bolded part but I'll just pray to Allah for blessing you with a girl child
Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but
this sounds EXACTLY like something I was going through until...2 days ago when I finally snapped out of it and stopped talking to him. In fact, I'm almost scared that we're talking about the same guy because things sound really...similar...but he's not on the West coast so probably not...
anyways, something's not right with this fool. Especially if he's emphasizing the whole "it's only about me and you". The guy I was talking to upto last week said the same thing and my parents and I are really suspicious that its because there's a shady shady past they're hiding. Please end this! I know it's painful becuase Im in the same position--as girls, we tend to get sucked into the sweet talking (I'm not a very intimate or mushy person but even I am "missing" all that right now)--but its worth nothing because it wont pay the bills, it wont make up for your incompatiblity, etc.
best of luck.
OMG !!! so this attitude is common in desi guys. Now I have to be more cautious and careful but it's such a pity that actions of couple of people give a bad name to all the desi guys
Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but
I read the first two paragraphs and didn't need to read anymore. 3 year marriage but no rukhsati or however you spell it? Tell him to **** off and do so now. You will be better off with a snake than this guy.
The marriage lasted only for couple of months but it happened 3 years ago
Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but
Thanks every one for your suggestions. I think I'll discuss with him this weekend because that's the only time when I get enough time to ponder on the situation and come up with a decent way of calling it off. I also have to think on how to explain this to my family whom I have already told about him.
But before doing all of that I have to try to forget about the haunting words the last guy said to me that by behaving rationally I'll never find a guy to get married. Why it's so hard for girls????
I tried to do every thing right, went to the good schools, never gave my family any reason to complain, always tried my best to be on the right path, every one gives my example. I just don't know what is wrong.
But I am not loosing hope and I'll keep trying, koi na koi tau hauga aqal ka andha who'll want to marry be just because of being me
Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but
how old are you chipotle?
In any case you should not resort settling down with a jerk. Your life will be miserable. All your dreams will be shattered. Rather stay single than to marry a jerk. You may have been unreasonable in the past but i can tell you you are making the right choice by saying no to this guy. And you can tell your parents the truth. They will be the first ones to advise you to drop him here.
Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but
I am old enough to understand what's right and wrong, the last guy I dumped wanted to get physically closer before getting married so that was the end of it.
Re: Ok I am seeking justifications for my actions but
tell him you love him, need him and need to see him right away this weekend and if he loves you he must come to your city this very weekend.
and then change your phone number while he is on the plane to come see you.
oh and do leave a note for him at his hotel to grow the hell up.
I read your whole story and a word of advise "Just 
him "