Well shes annoying. and her tone can be condescending…although shes not as bad as maybe some MIL. So far its ok. however there are smaller issues which bug the hell out of me.
ok heres something thats p**ssing me offffffffffff, its not directly her but its from her. we paid for our wedding pics, and film. as did they. but because we went from uk, we asked them to find us a phtographer etc. so it was the same company as the ones they had picked. so anyway we shudve had a seperate bundle of pics and the film shudve been edited etc…however when we got the pics, MIL didnt even give my mum the pics…they sat there and divided theirs and ours…meaning they took the best pics…so we had to make a few extras…also there wasnt one single pic of my sisters or brothers…yet there were plenty of theirs…my sis made a scene about it…not sure what they said…but its hurtful that my sis and bros single pics were not even printed, yet theres about 5 singles of my SIL…it wasnt my MIL who picked the ones to be developed it was BIL…however they shudve known…i guess my mum and dad shudve made more impact but they couldnt cos my in laws kept insisting it wud be done…
my in laws are my mum older brother…so my mum is sooooo damm respectful that shes almost a doormat…its sooo annoying!!
Up until now, I didn't know you had any siblings, Nadz.
It's annoying that there aren't many snaps containing your siblings. And they have right to feel frustrated because a wedding is such a memorable occasion.
However, it is also very hectic to plan for a wedding. It's possible that your MIL didn't do this deliberately. Perhaps she was busy with the many other requirements of the wedding and your BIL just wasn't the best person to handle the task. Could it be the fault of the photographer? Perhaps he was given instructions to take pictures of your family as well, but he just didn't do his job right. I've seen "professional" photographers in Pak do a crummy job with wedding photos and videos. It's possible that with so many things going on, it could be an oversight.
Your mom should have been more assertive in keeping aside some of the nice pics for herself. I know it's annoying. I'd be pissed as well that my family wasn't given fair amount of attention. But try not let it get to you. You live with your in-laws. You have access to those nice pictures and can make duplicates of them and send them to your mom.
Photographers usually keep the negatives and digital archives. Ask the photographer to go back and look for specific people. We had to do that for BIL's valima.
Did you not order a separate copy for your inlaws? You can always get the photographer to print the pics of your siblings you don't have and make a new album for your family.
In my both sis weddings, Dad made 2-3 copies of all the pics. One for our family, one for the boy's family and one for sis n BIL since they were to move to different country and live there alone.
Photographers usually ask you about who is who in family. So they can cover everyone in their photos equally.
So such kind of issues didnt evolve at first place.
Clear the air, tell her your all very upset about the fact that their are no pics of your sis and bro,and as they had the responsibility of managing that side of the wedding, they should have been a bit more thoughtful, dont let these things brew up, if you dont air your side of it now a lot of negativity will build up towards your MIL.
treat her with the utmost respest however do not be a doormat, that way she will know your a good DIl, however your not the type to turn a blind eye everytime.
ok this can b emotionally very painful but you got to get hold of your nerves on how to deal with it.What does your husband have to say about this issue? It would be better if him and yourself goes through all the pics which the photographer has and gets the ones you want developed; do it infront of your MIL just to make home your point but through your husband's involvement and interest in acknowledgement of the fact that something wrong has happened and he wants to make up for it...your MIL will get the point.
Usually photographers give you a CD that holds every single picture they took that evening.
You can print a separate album for your family from the CD...one that will be more suited to their taste and expectations.
Overall, this isnt that big of a deal. There will be plenty of things that will come up later that will be much bigger then this, save your tears for battles worth fighting.
If you fight, argue or get upset over the smallest of things...pretty soon your tears will hold no value.
well anyway i made my scene. to hubby. and to BIL. said what i had to say. hubby bless him, didnt say much and its not his fault he has nothing to do wit the pic, he didnt even see them himself. its actually my BIL but hes a darling, i think it may have been either a mistake or he did it absent mindedly. its the MIL. rather than agreeing that we were right. she was like ohoo to kya hua
how you try to keep a line between disliking the MIL but trying not to hate ur husband when he defends his mother ( which anyone would do for their mum) its difficult as its not his fault, he has done nothing bad and hes a better person than her. however he will defend her in his own way which is annoying esp when im right. so how do you keep ur relationship with hubby seperate from your feelings for mil. i have to say, i dnt hate her, she just damn rude at times and patronizing.....ok another thing shes had an operation on her hands and her nervous system isnt up to scratch...so her medication is fairly strong and my hubby says shes gets mood swings cos of that. im not sure whether to believe that cos her mood is fine with her sisters. so thats bull. her moods ok with me too, its just maybe shes not as welcoming to me as she cudve been. or as nice as she cudve been or as erm motherly....sometimes she seems indifferent or just neutral to me...
when i was in pak, she only commented me on the clothes that she had given me, if she saw me in my baree clothes, she would say wow mashallah.....
if she saw me wearing clothes my mum gave me, there would be silence...
these things are small yet hurtful....
and im new bride all that, so i had to be on best behaviour. i did wake up late few times, im assuming she may have not liked that.....i didnt offer to massage her hand or legs wheres she had operations, as other ppl did, maybe i shudve.....i dono.....i did cook, however in sehri i didnt make the parathey my SIL did, i was told i didnt need to dont worry, but i guess she may take differenty too.....over there they have nokhar chaakar and stuff, so i didnt have to do much to show that i was trying to gel with her. i did sit with her and talk. however one day she would be ok and chat with me...but before i was coming back she didnt say a word...she was silent for 2 days....so could be her medication or her...i doubt medic...she was quiet to my mum too....almost rude in silence......
Now I think my sisters have been very patient :( What you are saying about dresses and rudeness etc etc they both came across the same,specially the younger one, she went thru worst. And I mean WORST. but she never utter a single word of complaint. Neither to her hubby nor to us. It was only she started sharing with me when she came to UAE with her hubby n i noticed certain things.
Be patient lady. Its just a start. That lady whom u are calling MIL is a mother. Just keep your business with ur hubby. If u started to nag about petty things, you ll never ever gain his love n trust. He will think you are an ordinary woman like 1000s others , which includes uneducated and villagers as well.
If she says somethng bad to you or doesnt appreciate ur dresses, so whats the big deal. With time she will know you and ur nature and will treat you in same way the way you treat her. Its just the matter of time. Allah se darro, and dont hurt a mother's heart. She may not know what she is doing. As my father always says, some ppl have no abilitiy to understand certain things. You can not stuff things in their minds n hearts the way you want. With such ppl u need to be extra patient.
Whenever you feel angry about something In Laws did, drink cold water or take shower. Give yourself some time before you react to the situation.
Best of luck and dont mind if you felt I was bitter :) You have whole life infront of you as its just a start.
