Ode to the Pakistani Woman

Lifestyle Relationships
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You know, I’m really infuriated right now. I had a conversation with someone, and it sparked up the topic of men vs. women in our Pakistani society (as usual), and I got to thinking. I entered this as a journal entry, but I’m so friggin annoyed with the stories this girl told me, that I just had to post it here.

I just don’t feel like our desi women are appreciated enough by our desi guys. So this is an ode to all the pakistani girls/women out there who are all about being wonderful companions and supporters of the men in their lives, especially their husbands. For moderation, the entry has been censored somewhat.

:salute: to Pakistani Women.

My entry:

After talking to one girl today, I’d like to just have a post dedicated to our Pakistani women.

You know, our pakistani women are exceptional. They are so warm, and loving, and they are so eager to please the man in their life. This is a blessing that loads of guys out there just do not get. Ladies living the modern american life here - puh-lease. You think such a girl is going to care to cook you a nice home cooked healthy meal? Forget it. Go to Boston Market and get your own butt your own dinner.

You want to have sex at night? Chances are, she’s not in the mood. Our desi girls find it a duty to please their husbands even when they really do have a headache.

You want to have kids who have full attention at home? Many of our girls are willing to give up their HARD EARNED careers to babysit the fruit of your darn loins and nevermind the fact that you don’t raise one darn lazy finger to help her out at home.

And you know what sickens me? Despite how dedicated and wonderful and lovely devoted wives our pakistani women make, our desi men treat them like trash.

They stare at them in a disgusting way.

They find it their RIGHT to screw with them literally, and figuratively, just because the girl doesn’t have a hijab on. And for some, the hijab doesn’t phase them.

They find it their right to fool with girls and their emotions.

They throw false lines at them, and laugh inside and with their male friends when they see that the pakistani girl falls for it.

And then after being total playboys, messing around, losing their virginity repeatedly, they demand perfect emotional virgins , untouched by any man, as their wife.

They think its their “Islamic right”.

What a crappy society our Pakistani society is.

Let me tell you somefin honey snaps fingers in air with an A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E and what can only be an attempt at a cuban accent

You don’t respect your fellow Pakistani ladies, you are therefore not respecting other human beings. And guess what? The world does not respect you. Almost no one in the world respects Pakistanis. You wanna bring back the glory of the Ummah, or have Pakistan gain power as a nation, or be respected as a Pakistani and as a muslim?

Then first learn to respect your own people. Otherwise, you deserve to be treated like the piece of dung that you are. Which most of you (to men), lets face it, ARE.

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Re: Ode to the Pakistani Woman

Are women in other races appreciated enough? This is an age old thing now...our Pakistani women are exceptional, and so are some Pakistani men...and so are some men and women of all races...i know there are some ppl out there Pcg like the ones you are describing but i believe, that today those ppl are far less than say decades before...sometimes we only hear the bad things.

This is wot i have seen in Pakistani couples...yes, there are very hardworking, eager to please women...they work from early in the morning, cooking, cleaning...childrearing, laundry, dishes...ironing, tidying...the list goes on...that is HOUSEWORK...most housewives are happy to do it, y? That is your HOME...if u don't take care of it, who will...i think sometimes it's MEN who aren't given enough credit in our culture also...the older women just sit around and complain...men work really hard too...if it's decided between the couple that one is gona do the housework and one is gona be the breadwinner, and both have happily complied to it...then they don't complain cos that's wot they have to do to live and to keep the family structure stable.

Sometimes ppl on the outside don't see wot really happens inside of a home...we see a women working her a** off all day, and see the husband strolling in at 5 or 6 in the evening and we assume, "oh, poor lady..she's a housewife and her husband doesn't seem to care about all the stuff she does"...who knows how nice and appreciative he is of her in their own private time...when u talk about the women u have described here, i immediately think of my mum...and u know wot, my dad knows he is so lucky to have her, and my mum knows she is so lucky to have him...sure, they have their ups and downs like every couple...but they have a very strong and happy marriage...my dad doesn't do any housework...no wait, he does throw out the rubbish and wash dishes...and my mum does help him with his work...but we all know this, cos we live together and we know they both r grateful to one another...ppl on the street may think otherwise.

As far as "ABCD girls" and the fact that u think they r not capable of the same stuff...well i'm not american, but same thing (i wasn't born/raised in Pak), and i know that my whole family...not just my mum/dad, but all relatives around me growing up, have taught me well...i strive everyday to be just like my mum...to be as good as her in this n that...and when anyone in my family says to me that, i'm doing really well (in this regard) i know that i'll be fine after my marriage too...my in-laws tell my fiance that they really like me cos they can see that even though i've been born/raised in europe, that i have the same attributes and thinking as my mum...so basically, i think ur underestimating "western" girls...we r very capable, if someone wud let us show them, we can be just as good and pleasing to our husband and kids...i have numerous examples in my family at the moment, where my girl cousins r just like the Pakistani women u have mentioned...but i know wot ur saying, and i can understand that when u do hear about someone who isn't treated rite it can piss u off...but it's not just desis, and in my experiences it doesn't happen as much as it did before.

So i just wanted to say that, hard working women (and men) are everywhere...and LOTS of them are appreciated by their families...so let's salute all the respectful, decent and family-dedicated ppl out there :Salute:

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Re: Ode to the Pakistani Woman

Although I agree with some points in PCGs post ( i have seen examples in my own family where the husband wouldnt even take the kids and wifey out on the weekend becuz its HIS time off, the wife never has a day off btw). But then I read Kashimiri's post, and I totally agree.

Bottom line is : there are all sorts of people ALL over the world. There are western men who act like the slackers in PCGs post. I would think it would be really unfair to generalise and blame this attitude on just desi men.

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Re: Ode to the Pakistani Woman

I just wanted to salute all the women in general!!! The world woud'nt be same without the "sinf-e-nazuk" :Salute:

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Re: Ode to the Pakistani Woman

u r starting to become a bore PCG, get ahead with life and find some new topic....

u know why those girls put up with so much and still try to please their 'man' who still treats her like trash anyway????
because they have had a man and they know what a man means for a woman....

and ur grumbling wont stop until u r married yuorself and find out for yuorself what your 'man' will mean for u, and then u will come back to read these silly posts and laugh at how immature u had been....

till then, bear the headache :p

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Re: Ode to the Pakistani Woman

I'm not talking about married men.

When a girl starts.....
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Re: Ode to the Pakistani Woman

Respect is earned. It has nothing to do with being man or a woman.

Saray floodee yahan aa jain .
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Re: Ode to the Pakistani Woman

agree with Fayz and things can't be generalize either!

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Its not about being pakistani, a woman or a man....Its all about the way of thinking n level of maturity.

I have a few ladies i interact with (their kids n my kids are class mates) none of them are pakistani or indian....mainly german, brazillian or brits...n guess what.....They have almost same complaints about their men...n one of them keeps saying 'u know, its international'. :-)

Oh n btw, I find it amusing that I've seen quie a lot pakistani men (my hubby being on top) who are super caring.

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Re: Ode to the Pakistani Woman

PCG :clap:

I agree with pcg Pakistani women take so much crap.. Its about time they wake up now…

You will hear 10 out of 1o paksitan women complaining about their hubbies and almost 8 out of 10 have been beaten or treated like crap..in other cultures… its perhaps 4 out of 10

I think when pcg is saying Pakistani she is talking about muslims.. Islam tells us to respect your spouses etc and sad thing is people who are consider to be an icon of islam the religious people treat their wives like dingleberries. Its sad and pathetic.

But see PCG and the rest…

Why should a women sit there and treat her hubby like a mama’s little angel.
guy goes" bring me water, can you wash my clothes, oh remote dond ke do [while its right in front of him], where are my socks" and all that crap.

Yeah Pakistani women put up with a lot of crap but why. Their men dont appreciate them i think its about time they wake up. I am sure this is international issue but hey you dont see every girl crying over these thing. They know how to put an end to a messed relationship.

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Re: Ode to the Pakistani Woman

Grade: D-

Starts off harmoniously and positively as an ode to pakistani women, rapidly degenerates into a bumpy ride when pakistani men are disconnectedly blamed for behaviors common among all men of the world, glaringly exposing a psyche submerged in an utter man-hating ideological swamp. Then, in an amazing sleight of literary feat—pun intended-- the writer jumps from having "islamic rights" to "pakistani socity" being "crappy." Nothing more than an odious attempt to dazzle us with a blend of pseudo-erudition, obscurity and pure melodramatic dolomite. But, as expected, it fails to have its intended effect.

Inexorably and lamentably, the writer then does the inevitable. She sweeps the landscape with a broad stroke and segues from "crappy society" to a discussion of pakistan's tarnished status in the world and finally tops it off by dragging the "ummah" concept in the ending remarks.

The reader is left wondering and thinking—while wiggling through this morass of boulder dash—what purpose this ode served, other than exposing the sheer mediocrity of the writer, so much so that it trembles on the precipice of platitude.

Teacher.

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Re: Ode to the Pakistani Woman

No no, again, many of you are misunderstanding (sorry , dope, i have no clue what you said :) , so this is not directed to you in any way).

I'm talking about single pakistani guys and their awaara gardi ways. Sure, it takes two hands to clap (er whatever), but I dont get this mentality of "Yeah, well when I'm single, I can whore around as much as I want without getting called a whore, cuz i'm a guy, but when I settle down, I want some shareef girl who has never even spoken to a guy, because I want to be her first, so I can feel like a REAL man".

I was told some stories the evening before about guys like this - who played around with girls and then went off to demand virgin hoor pari's for a wife.

I find that kind of a person just flat out disrespectful. If you can't respect other women when you're single, and you knowingly play with them, by promising them marriage, and what not, and then leave once you get what you want (whether its as extreme as sex, or even simple emotional satisfaction), you haven't respected that person. You flat out used them for your own satisfaction.

The fact that its Pakistanis who use other Pakistanis this way is what makes me say, and then we have these "honorable values" of "ghairat" etc???

My point is, if you don't respect your own people, the world will not respect you as a race. Simple.

And no, I'm not talking about married guys as you can see. I see this problem mostly in single guys. Its no secret how single Pakistani guys will behave. Sure, they might come across some woman who is willing to engage in premarital activities, but does that give Pakistani men the right to take advantage of such situations to get what they want? If they have the right, then you're basically telling me girls who are a bit more open about mingling before marriage deserve the crap they get, because they're whores and don't deserve any better. Sorry for the language, but I just couldn't find a more tactful word.

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Re: Ode to the Pakistani Woman

^ Don't play the victim. It takes two to tango and both parties are well aware of what they're getting into.

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PCG, its not that i support pre-marital sex, but everyone likes to take a brand new car out for a test-drive, but when someone really wants to buy a new car he makes sure no one else has test-driven it and he gets a zero-meter car....
or do u think that people who have test-driven cars no longer have the right to demand a brand new car and shud settle for a car that has been driven a couple of 100 kilometers????

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Re: Ode to the Pakistani Woman

^ But why do guys hav the right to demand pure virgin brides when they tehmselves are not virgins ??? If they didnt keep themselves clean or pure then they shud hav no right to that… if they did refrain from clubbing, dating, sex, etc, then great for them and then they have every right to demand that, but not the typical chichoray larkay..

It’s even in the Quran, i may be saying it the wrong way, sorry :bummer: basically it’s good men for good women and bad men for bad women.. so if a man is “bad”, i.e., a man-slut then he has no righ tto demand a good/virgin woman.

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Huh?

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thats my ratios… leave them alone…

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Yes, I agree with that!

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This thread reminds me of my friends ex-mother in law (who also bloody happens to be her khala...).

When my friend was justmarried, her mother in law would appreciate nothing she did and kept saying she was bad, her husband would be happy with her in the beginning, she would massage his feet and arms when he would get home tired, and mother in law would only say, don't be happy with your wife, she only does that because then she will go to heaven and so you will treat her better, not becuase she loves you!
My friend took extra care of her husbands clothes and he would be happy, again mother in law (yep, she really did become one and stopped being khala for one reason or another after my friends married her son) would comment don't appreciate that, she's only doing that because she wants you to treat her well and so she'll go to heaven, she doesn't do that becuase she loves you.
My friend would cooksomething extra special for her husband, again mother in law would comment, don't appreciate it, she's only prepared that so you.... well, you can guess the comments by now.
And the son would actually listen to the bad things his mother would say about his wife instaed of using his own head. He stopped caring about anything she did and just took it for granted. Even if she would be ill she would do whatever he wanted, he never helped her out in the house or with their daughte, not even on his days off. Nothing my friend did was appreciated nor did her ex help her. In every way he only mistreated her more and more and yet he still is liked by most!

Most people don't care if a wife is ok, no matter how bad the husband treats her. But the minute the wife asks for her rights as a human being too, the minute she asks a little warmth, she is called a bad person!

People just don't care if males are really behaving or not, they just say oh, we'll marry him off and then he will be a good boy, you know. Howmany girls lifes are ruined by being married to a guy like that?

But if a girl goes somewhere, just to a library or shopping or something, does nothing wrong, comes back home like she should. People still talk bad about her!

That is confusing, unIslamic and difficult to understand.

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Re: Ode to the Pakistani Woman

Whoa!! :eek:

You’re the last person I would expected such an argument from…