Any guy here who directly introduced himself and talked to the father of a woman for rishta purposes without help from his own family? Is that possible in Pakistan? Lets say a guy uses services of a marriage bureau from abroad, then visits Pakistan for the intro. Both sides take their time for background check and all. Then marry in next visit. One may wonder why would a guy want to do that. Well, how about having a family that is not interested.
@Bubban, don't bother with your 2 cents.
Hmm I think many parents will be apprehensive if the guy's family isn't involved at all. Unless they care more about the foreign passport.
Is there a specific reason for the family's lack of interest?
OP, every time I read the Bubban disclaimer that you put at the end of your post, it cracks me up.
Why not live and work in Pakistan, build a rapport, make connections and get to know people socially and then look for and date a suitable like-minded and compatible girl before jumping into marriage? Marriage is a big commitment, how can you marry someone just after introducing yourself to her father, then visit, do a background check and get married? sounds very strange to me.
@JouneyMan ** I think from your narative you are being a little too overcautious! YES Guys have done this for ages, No one minds this because the obvious step after the Introduction is usually the Girls Parents will want to know more about your Family!
But First and Number 1 concern they want to know if She Likes YOU then your status whether you can afford to support their Daughter? Also please remember the basic unwritten rule in a Marriage is the Man is marring into the Girls Family! so Young Man if the Girl and her Parents Like you you are Home free..
That is my Perspective …then again Things may be different in India…**..:k:
Yup, typical families won’t entertain a guy without his family’s involvement but I need only one and I will be happy. That’s why, I don’t plan on going after typical families who expect typical rishta process. The lack of interest from my family is due to various reasons. Primarily because the generation that handled rishtas wisely for decades is too old now or has passed away. The next gen filling in the shoes are loving and all but not wise. Their official line has been, “looking for a rishta”, for 5 years ! I’ve tried many strategies to get them to “do” something but relying on them to even make a nice phone call for rishta is asking for too much. I’ve kind of run out of time now to try to keep trying. I’ve made 4 expensive visits to Pakistan to come to that conclusion and have run out of patience. If I don’t do it ALL by myself, 5 more years will pass by, I am 100% sure.
True, that was quite common in the past. I basically intend to start with the biggest obstacle which is the woman’s father(and herself) accepting that my family will not be involved. Once that obstacle is out of the way, both sides can work to assess other aspects such as background, job, finances, etc. There are guys who love talking, talking and talking. The real brave guy is one who is ready to marry. If the dad understands that, I think that will help.
This.
Sounds like you’re going with arrange route which is fine. But please understand from Girl’s parents POV. They would like to meet or know your family at least. Even if you told them that your family is not reasonable, desi parents wouldn’t understand. Have you considered going to your local mosque who are active into bringing couples together.? There so many examples where guys in foreign countries got married without having to have their parents or siblings on their side. The exception for them is that their Parents or siblings couldn’t had traveled to foreign country for whatever reason.
But Girl’s parents still talk or communicate with his family regardless.
I wish you all the best Journeyman. My prayers are with you.
Is there any shortage of desi girls in Canada?
because if there is a shortage, then he might have a case for going to Pakistan and find a girl from there?
I have managed a few cases of domestic violence in desi couples, and one particular husband even threatened me for writing an expert report for the police. However I have seen more non-Desi families with history of domestic violence than Desi, so its not exclusive.
May be has genuine reasons to return to get married. I’d personally marry someone from the same place where I live and work for obvious reasons.
I feel women in some cultures are coerced into accepting the abuse and accept male dominance and maybe 90 percent goes unreported, my experience with western families is that males are abused way more than women
Also I can tell by just a few posts if the poster would be prone to domestic violence or has any hope of success in life, low emotional intelligence, hatred for society one chose to live in are not promising signs.
Many of your observations are not incorrect, but your starting point in any argument is always defaulted to somewhat being negative and pessimistic about a certain group of people. Many flaws in Eastern societies are also found in the West and there are things in Asian/Subcontinental cultures that even Westerners admire. I think it is important to keep an open mind towards both sides of arguments, however personal experiences snd prejudice almost always barge in, and it happens to almost everyone, not just you.
I dont box myself in as east or west but like to take the best from wherever I can, I also rely on a lot of research along with huge amount of personal experiences and can back up my POV with research. Our success is a consequence of our actions and beliefs and if there are societies that have failed than a lot of that is result of their actions
I do appreciate a lot of things in Chinese culture, Korean, latinos etc
Yes I admire your knowledge and input, no question about it, but your arguments at times can go overboard, atleast how they get perceived.
@Bubban what a loser no talent ass hole you are. Gora sahab’s piss will help, keep doing the spraying and you’ll feel better.
What is the best of desi culture that you have taken?
Lately I have dealt with a lot of Indian clients and mortgage people and like that they have family values, they are hardworking and good with money and value education, younger generation is better at taking wives as equals and taking them as partners. I don’t like the fact that they segregate themselves along religion and ethnicity, like Punjabi’s and gujratis don’t hang out that often
Good luck
I’m curious to know the background to the Bubban disclaimer!