many of you have probably seen my moany groany threads and posts of lack of men and good rishtas and how i got rejected by loads of rishtas and started feeling upset about it and my parents were getting stressed.
Now a rishta has finally said yes but for some reason i am having a massive mental block about it. Its like I have got cold feet already!
The guy has initiated contact with me but I dont feel like talking to him!! I dont feel happy or excited I feel terrified and really confused!
My parents think I have gone mad because one minute im ok about it and next minute I am saying just say no to them- without even knowing the guy!
Basically I am a weirdo. I am annoying myself by being like this but I cant help it. I thought i was supposed to be all excited and happy but I just want it all to go away!
I guess it happened very quickly, they met me one evening and the next day said yes. They seemed to like me ALOT.
I have 1 main concern - He grew up in pak and myself in england - I worry about language issues i.e. my urdu isnt fantastic, he has been working here for 6 years so im sure he can speak english but im sure he would rather speak urdu.
I also have this really dumb thought that creeps up into my mind which is what if there is someone better out there. I know this is a really immature thought and i try to push it out of my head but it creeps in!
arghh why am i so weird.
How did you girls feel when ure rishtas got arranged?
Re: Now that a rishta has finally said yes - i feel terrified!
You seem like me, getting cold feet when it looks like you are heading towards commitment. Don't worry I guess it is pretty normal. Take your time....don't rush into anything and when the time is "right" it will just happen. Getting to know the other person beforehand helps.
Also try not to be too idealistic. There is always going to be something missing from each person. What is more important is that you both respect each other and have good rapport or chemistry.
Re: Now that a rishta has finally said yes - i feel terrified!
i think you are still hung up on the fact that you have been rejected before. You need to get thos thoughts out of your mind. More often than not rejection is a reflection on compatibility rather than you not being good enough per se. You have to move out of that and move forward!
Re: Now that a rishta has finally said yes - i feel terrified!
2 options - take a leap of faith and go for it
or
get to know him properly.
I would go for route 2, seeing as he isn't a citizen either, not putting anyone down but from what I have noticed pak people sometimes have hidden agendas and are insistent on portraying a "perfect image"
Re: Now that a rishta has finally said yes - i feel terrified!
I would go for route 2, seeing as he isn't a citizen either, not putting anyone down but from what I have noticed pak people sometimes have hidden agendas and are insistent on portraying a "perfect image"
Given that he's lived there for 6 years I don't think he'd be after a passport, if that's what you mean.
Re: Now that a rishta has finally said yes - i feel terrified!
Congratulations, I'm glad you've finally found the 'one'.
I think you might be getting cold feet because you didn't get a chance to get cold feet before this rishta. But remember this; 'whatever happens, happens for the best' - so stop thinking negatively about other potentials that could have been. The rishta was never meant to happen with anyone else but the person you are engaged with now. (I hope this makes sense). :)
Re: Now that a rishta has finally said yes - i feel terrified!
awww thanks everyone for being very sweet!
My parents want me to get to know him so do his parents thats why he has emailed me to get to know him better before an official baat pakki/engagement…so yeah maybe after getting to know him better I will stop feeling so weird and confused, i need to bring myself to actually talk to him - i still havent replied to his email!
Sharklaser- he has permanent residency so i dont think he is after a visa as riz said.
STA - thankyou! yes my parents are from pakistan too - we speak urdu mixed with english at home but they do sometimes laugh a bit at my urdu because it isnt fantastic but there isnt a barrier really.
Re: Now that a rishta has finally said yes - i feel terrified!
pak people sometimes have hidden agendas and are insistent on portraying a "perfect image"
Anybody can have hidden agenda which you cannot make them divulge unless you subject them to torture.
Any marriage love or arranged is leap of faith. Yes you can talk to someone , interact with someone , watch someone on a 24x7 basis but you can still not know their true personality and true motives unless they are same from inside as they are from outside and lot of people are like that , only few have hidden agendas.
Re: Now that a rishta has finally said yes - i feel terrified!
Give this guy a chance :) have you ever spent time with this guy? Talk to him and get to know him better - he may be "The ONE" for you!
You don't have to talk about "private" stuff at once - start with fun topics like movies, sports, hobbies. Also make a mental list of things that are "dealbreakers" to you - for instance, if your career is important to you, will he support you to work after marriage? what are his views on religion?, Does he want to stay in the UK or move back to Pakistan? and so on. Try to get an understanding of his thoughts on such key topics. Everything else can be compromised on.
It's ok to feel overwhelmed about such an important decision in your life. All the best to you!
Re: Now that a rishta has finally said yes - i feel terrified!
inspiron, about the language thing, one thing i hate is when gals say they want the guy to speak english when they don't speak urdu. i can understand if you have a language barrier but don't you think he feels the same about english ? you should try to be a bit more understanding and encourage yourself and him to learn urdu for you and english for him properly.
Re: Now that a rishta has finally said yes - i feel terrified!
awww finally Inspiron... some positive news :) I am sooo happy for you darling. Do get to know him. You will feel ok Insha Allah. Do istikhara and just go with the flow. Once you both know each other and be friends, you will start feeling ok Insha Allah. If Allah has done this, He will make things easy for you if the proposal is best for you. Just have lots of faith in Him.
awww thanks everyone for being very sweet!