Now my Relatives!

Lifestyle Relationships
1

So we all celebrated my grandparents wedding anniversary this weekend, it was a party organised by my parents who wanted the party at our house, however then decided maybe my fathers brothers and sisters would be miffed at that, because obviously the grandparents are not just my fathers parents, but also the parents of my 3 uncles and 2 aunts. so it was decided that it would take place at my granparents house.

Anyway everyone made one dish each as was the requirement, my mother made the most expensive one, as well as buying the cake for the event, cake being the main thing of a party and cost a alot…i bought gifts for them.

Now all was asked from my uncle was to make the film, as they had just recently bought a new HD camera and had a really good picture quality, so he was asked to bring camera along, which i think he begrudgingly did.

him and his wife seemed disinterested in the whole thing and she and her kids just sat there while my mother and one or two others did the work, my mother mostly.

We watched the film the same night, and guess what. We are surprisingly not even in it. the camera flashes past us and never focuses on any of us, especially me and my mother.

the camera focuses and zooms in on everyone, except my family, esp my mum. she is omly seen once eating some cake. the gifts i gave, was not even filmed, but everyone elses was.

the film was made to be sent to pakistan, and it looks as if to them, that we didnt even do anything, and just came to eat cake, when infact me and esp my mother did everything.

even when mum was sititng eating, they coudlve focused on her then or at times when she was there, but they didnt, they didnt even show her bringing the cake in, or anything.

we were deliberatly cut and thats the way it is.

I do not understand why they did this, we wouldnt ever steep so low.

well i have had enough of their ways, and am on the lookout for revenge, and please dont say its wrong. Just tell me the way i can do it. how can i get my own back, i could tell my mum was hurt, and ive seen enough of that from them to her.

so ideas please nothing major even a few sly comments there way is enough,

please enlighten …thank you.

2

Re: Now my Relatives!

get a hold of the film and destroy it, end of story..he he he.

(ok maybe not).

3

Re: Now my Relatives!

offer to videotape them at one of their occasions and do the same.

or just speak up and say "hey it was really messed up of you to do that. Jerks"

sorry but people like that--need to be put in their place...

4

Re: Now my Relatives!

Who has the tape?

5

Re: Now my Relatives!

We did, I said we should have bought our own camera, atleast that way i woudlve been in it...said something like that once or twice....so did my mum. But there is another party in 2 weeks time, and i doubt anyone will give us the camera, however there must be things that can be said to them where theres more people there to hear it.

6

Re: Now my Relatives!

My uncle has, and well what can you do about the tape. nothing. its probably been sent.

7

Re: Now my Relatives!

I would just be a little shameless about it from now on.

Everytime something is going on, stop what you're doing and ask for your uncle to shoot the video before you do anything.

Like when your mom brought the cake in, you guys should have asked him to stand there and film it. What will he do? Say no? When you were giving your gifts, you should have asked the camera be on you while you do it.

So, be bold and blatant because so were they. They were not afraid you seeing that video and being upset...so why should you?

8

Re: Now my Relatives!

OH and there is nothing wrong with bringing your own equipment to these things...bring your own vidoe camera...:)

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Re: Now my Relatives!

Thats the thing, we didnt know they wouldnt be filming us, so no one said anything, Its the first time its been this way.

The thing is if i do be blatant, someone may say or esp my mum might say sara stop it mujhe koi showk nahi hai video may aaney ka anyway...then what do i do, because my mum although hurt, said people might think we have done everything for the sake of being in a video, rather than from our hearts.

10

Sara,

You said that your uncle treats your family like this often. Maybe they wanted the party to take place at their home. Maybe they were jealous that your mom/family would look like the ones who did the most work..........and might have felt self-conscious about you guys looking better than them in the video...so they excluded you from the video taping. I wish the benefit of the doubt could be given that they somehow forgot to include you. Oversights can happen.......but if they've shown a pattern of treating your family badly, then it becomes harder to make excuses for them. Or it could be that they didn't want to use their video camera and since your family suggested he bring it, this was their way of getting you back . Either way, a juvenile thing to do. Here's what I think:

1) Do NOT do the same thing that your uncle did. Otherwise there'd be no difference b/w you and them. Instead, find ways to put your uncle on the spot....shame him.

2) As Reha suggested above, why not invest in your own video camera? If capturing family events is so important to you....why put all your faith in someone that's gonna screw you over? If you can't......then ask ANOTHER member of the family to bring the camera for the next event. In a way, that's embarrassing for your uncle. It sends the message that the whole family wasn't satisfied with how he went about doing things in the last occasion. Or maybe assign your uncle "smaller" tasks. While he might be grateful that he has little to do........it also sends the message that the family thinks he can't be trusted with something on a larger scale.

3) Did the rest of your family members also feel that your uncle deliberately omitted you from the taping? If so, what if your parents and other uncles/aunts were to discuss this issue with your Uncle? There's power in the numbers, right? And the discussion could be civil. They could thank him for bringing the camera and for his effort. And then tell him that they don't want it sent to Pak because it wasn't a positive portrayal of the family. If everyone confronts him (calmly) , he'll know that he can't easily get away with such stunts in the future. That will be SOOOOOO embarrassing for him. *****I think that if the whole family stays quiet about what he did, it's like they are passively promoting his idiocy.

4) If the rest of the family members can't approach him in unison, then do it indirectly, as Reha suggested. Maybe your family....and the others....can agree to mess around with your uncle with sneaky remarks. For example, the next time Uncle brings his camera.....you/your mom/various aunties and uncles can embarrass him by LOUDLY reminding him to tape this and that. And every time you get ready to do an activity....somebody from the family (not necessarily you..could be a cousin or another adult) can say, "Oh Uncle...it's so nice of you to join us...we wouldn't want to leave anybody out. After all we're a family." If everyone else is in cahoots with you.....it'll create more of an impact.

11

Re: Now my Relatives!

Could I just say, why does it matter if everyone thinks you didn't do anything? You went to all the trouble for the sake of your grandparent's happiness (I hope), so if they were happy, and saw all the effort you went to, isn't that enough? People can be stupid, and do nasty things, but I think ignoring them is better than plotting revenge or comebacks. YOu can't really change people except by setting an example.

12

Re: Now my Relatives!

And why is everyone saying OP should "shame" her uncle? Call me old-fashioned, but even though he's a jerk, he's still older than her, and why should she risk hurting her dad's feelings by being rude to his brother? Her dad's feelings are as important as her mom's, and if your dad didn't like the fact that you were excluded, I'm quite certain he'll have a word with his brother himself.

13

Re: Now my Relatives!

camera torr do next time..na rahay ga bans..

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Re: Now my Relatives!

^Why stop at the camera?

Uncle ko tor do.....na rahay ga baans..

15

im sure u relatives already know what kind of a person ur uncle is..seriously

jsut forget it..its not worth ur time..ur caring waay too much

nd if u be rude ot him..theyll just sprea d it everywher that ur badteameez n muzohr..

so who cares..

16

Re: Now my Relatives!

don't seek revenge.

they are not worth it. there are too many people like them in the world. they seem like bitter people who can't share in other people's happiness. so if thats how they want to live their bitter lives - then let them. what they did was intentional and really bad. but what goes around, comes around.

i would say ignore them, they are not even worth confronting and get on with your lives. you know that you and your mum made so much effort and i am sure your grandparents realised this. that's all that is important.

next time, make your own video and include them b/c you're not like them at all.

17

but if she finds ways to shame him - that would make her the same as her uncle!!

also it takes too much time and effort to find ways to shame her uncle. people like him are common and are simply not worth such effort.

18

Re: Now my Relatives!

^ By shaming, I meant don't exclude the uncle the way he did with the OP's family.

In the real world, when you do something wrong, you're shamed whether it's in the form of confrontation, scolding, punishment, your own self-reflection, etc. And I didn't intend that it be a malicious sort of shaming (as what the Uncle did...cuz that's just wrong). I don't see anything wrong with the rest of the family talking to the uncle calmly about what he did. Maybe that's something they've never done before. Maybe the uncle thinks that since nobody else but the victim has a problem with my juvenile behavior...I'll just carry on. Sometimes people need that confrontation from several people to receive a jolt to their conscience. And if it brings about a feelings of shame....that can be a good thing. Sometimes a feeling of shame can lead a person to apologize and reform their ways. You can bring about shame with malicious intentions (like the uncle)...or even with the intention to prick someone's conscience. Loudly telling the uncle to tape something....might be more effective than talking to him in private. If you talk to him in private..he might nod his head and brush it off...or ignore it altogether. When you have a few people giving loud reminders....you're held more accountable. It's not so bad. If the OP feels uncomfortable with that, it was even suggested that she get her own video camera or ask another family member to do the taping. And indirectly telling him that "Nice of you to join us, we wouldn't want you to feel excluded"...is no too vicious (the wording is not harsh)...just a reminder that we're family...so let's make everyone feel included....not excluded.

The OP also has the option not to do anything about the situation....and tell herself that the Uncle is embarrassing himself and is on a roll with this...and one day will receive a divine slap for his offenses. Perhaps my wording in some parts in my previous post may have become a bit zealous....but I don't think that I've suggested anything cruel.

19

I know one thing that the type of UNCLE Sara is talking about just didn't have a single evil plan , such people have several evil plans always ready to execute. You take revenge once from him & next time you'll be set for even bigger shock from him. You can never fall to their level and can never think like them. It will just set off a never ending cycle of revenges and each time you will be left with much more anger & feeling of revenge inside you. Such people's mind are always working on negative acts , they do things that we can not even think of doing in our dreams. Honestly their evil acts are beyond our mental capabilities , you will be only harming yourself & destroying your mental peace if you try to settle scores with them. So I'd say be careful next time and Allah will take care of the rest !

and yes the world is not stupid , your relatives who will see the video will make out that you and your family have been intentionally cut out from the video. don't think that you and your family are the only victim of your uncle's spite , he must be very well known in your relatives for his spiteful acts I am sure.

20

^ so true! well said.